Balls Will Always Be Funny

We all have certain things that make us cranky, whether it be low blood sugar, hunger, boredom, sexual frustration*, etc. For me it appears to be lack of sleep. I didn't get more than four hours last night and felt sick with fatigue all day, which caused me to act like a total bitch. Not to acquaintances and clients, of course, just to my friends and my mother. Why the fuck do we do that, reserve all civil behavior for those we don't really care about on a significant level whilst subjecting the people we actually like to our worse behavior? I all but picked fights with two of my friends and was flat out rude to my mom over email. But when I had to train a colleague I don't work with much, I had all the patience and calm in the world and reassured her that what she needed to do was simple and I would always be available to help her. Is it because we know that the people who care about us will understand and love us anyway even if we act like complete twats from time to time? I don't know if I am the easiest person to take on a regular basis but when I'm moody, forget having a civil discussion with me on any topic other than "holy fuck am I in a bad mood and you know what, mother fucker? I don't give a fuck about anything today and will not give a fuck until I get some mother fucking sleep." Little ray of sunshine, that's what they call me.

 But certain things still made me laugh throughout the day and they are too good to keep to myself. One of the best was the phrase "enlarged scrotal vein removal." I didn't even know that was a thing! But balls will always make me laugh because I'm secretly a 13 year old girl who laughs at things like the word "testicles". I looked it up (wikipedia's blackout was annoying but there are always other sources) and it just got better when I found this site and read about the symptoms. Feeling a little dragging or heaviness in your nuts there buddy? When you were playing with your garbage did you happen to feel something like worms or spaghetti? Don't worry, we can take care of that for you. Heh heh, nuts.

One of the first things to make me smile was a column from Dear Abby. "Olympia" is 18, lost her first ever job but has two offers for college, and has decided she is going to work as a prostitute. As my friend pointed out, this was a 'do not pass go' move straight to hooking without any of that silly toe in the water stripping nonsense. Not only did she go from some ordinary job to selling her honey badger, she told her mother about the decision! Who the fuck does that? "You know what, mom, I'm not going to be a sucker like you working for peanuts. I have a perfectly good vag that I can sell and make a killing. You're dumb, you should have been a prostitute." And Abby's response was pretty cute what with her comment that this line of work will only be an option while "Olympia"s looks hold. Abs evidently hasn't seen the movie Monster or else she'd realize that men will fuck anything - and even pay for it.

Finally, on my ride home, listening to NPR, I heard the following statement made regarding Francesco Shettino, the captain of that cruise ship that partially sunk: "claimed he accidentally fell into a lifeboat". What an awesomely terrible excuse for abandoning ship during an emergency! I wonder if he also 'accidentally' pushed old people out of the way before falling overboard. Maybe he 'accidentally' grabbed a baby from a mother's arms as an excuse to get to one of the lifeboats first (by accident of course). Is anyone really supposed to buy that?

And with that I bid you adieu as I need to get a few things done before I pop some Nyquil at 8 o'clock so that I can get some sleep. I have a feeling I'm lucky to have the friends that I do so I can't exactly push my luck with more bad behavior.

*Be warned that this is TMI - Here's hoping that sexual frustration isn't one of my 'buttons' or else I'm going to be a stark raving cunt pretty soon.