Why should Facebook suffer alone

So I'm posting something I cooked when I got home, mainly because it is the first successful thing I've had in awhile. I was getting really restless at work towards the end of my day so I started thinking about dinner and so I googled "what to do with canned crab meat". Cause I had a tin and no idea what to do with it. I'd bought it with the idea of making crab pasta, as posted by the Laundress, but I didn't know if I had the ingredients so I turned to my faithful google for an idea. And this is what I found:

Crab Stuffed Mushrooms

Courtesy of Allrecipes but I don't have an author

Don't they look good? Just lovely! Well, here is what I came up with:

Yeah, not quite the same as the lovely plate above but it was delicious. I'm very lazily calling it A Take on Crab Stuffed Mushrooms (if I had children who were picky and had to be tricked into eating things, I would call it "Inside Out Slugs")*. Below is the recipe I copied from the internet (and I'll let you know of modifications I made).

Ingredients (makes six if you go by the book apparently)

• 1 pound fresh mushrooms (I used six slices of portobello mushrooms)
• 7oz crab meat (I used 6oz because that was what was in the tin)
• 5 green onions, thinly sliced (I used dried chives because that is what I had, bet onions are better)
• 1/4 tsp dried thyme
• 1/4 tsp dried oregano
• 1/4 tsp ground savory (I don't even know what that is)
• ground black pepper to taste
• 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese (I only had shaved)
• 1/3 cup mayonnaise
• 3 tbsp grated parmesan (yep, just shaved)
• 1/4 tsp paprika

How To:

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 C)
• In a medium bowl (I used a cereal kind of bowl I guess), combine crab meat, green onions, herbs, and pepper. Mix in mayonnaise and 1/4 cup parmesan cheese until well combined. Refrigerate until ready for use.
• Wipe mushrooms clean with a damp towel (hah). Spoon out the gills and the base of the stem, making deep cups. Discard gills and stems. Fill the mushroom caps with rounded teaspoonfuls of filling, and place them in an ungreased shallow baking dish. Sprinkle tops with the parmesan and paprika. (My version meant putting the slices of portobello into the baking dish, smearing the crab mixture on top, accidentally putting more paprika than meant onto them, and then shaking a hell of a lot of parmesan on top).
• Bake for 15 minutes. Remove from oven, and serve immediately. (I nailed this step).

And tada! Slices of mushrooms with an interesting crab mixture on top, warm and yummy straight from the oven!  I highly suggest following the recipe verbatim, without my alterations, because I'm certain it will taste amazing, but if you have to work with what you have like I did, just go for it. And I'll just say this about the taste: I don't like crab. I don't like most shell fish (the entire Mid Atlantic, where I was born and raised, still hasn't forgiven me). But I liked this, very much.

Oh and I should note that I have a ton of left overs so I'll make more today. I made all the crab mixture and have it waiting but I didn't eat it all in one sitting or with six slices of mushrooms. Also, I totally fucked up with the cheese and didn't realize I was supposed to use 1/4 of it in the mixture. Still, yummy.

*I know I seem like I must be her bestie and I'm doing her PR but I'm not. I don't even know her other than through her blog and a very few emails. But she has three kids so her recipes tend to be quick and easy and so when I decided to start cooking, I started with some of her delicious looking recipes.

If my brother had only bought me the Bat Mobile like he promised

The power went out at work yesterday... for three hours. Why no, no we were not sent home. Instead, we all sort of milled around the dark office, chatting and occasionally feeling guilty for not working only to remember that yeah, we couldn't work. Power out, phones down, nothing to do but chat and play angry birds on our phones. When it came back on, a great cheer went up and we all ran to the coffee machine for a refill, only to find that we were out of regular coffee. Thus, the old pots had to be used with the lesser stuff, which was a tragedy in itself. And we are stuck with crappy coffee until next week.*

As you can see, it was a rough day. That must be why I was so exhausted that I took an hour nap after work, something I've not done in ages.

Anyhow. My car ended up costing me about $480 so that was awesome. Slapped it on my credit card and thought "meh, I can't afford the debt I have so why not?" and drove back to work wondering if it felt like it was driving poorly or if that is how cars should feel since mine was such a cluster fuck (previously it would rev up when I put it in park, something it's done for years). The jury is still out so I just have to hope it is driving better and that it is as good as new with the straight from the mechanic smell. And as for that credit card, it's minimum payment is already embarrassingly enormous and I had to pay said payment yesterday so after I pay rent, I'll be lucky if I have $50 in the bank to hold me until next payday. I know, who does that? Well, I sent $100 to my cousin to help her out and I had to buy a battery for my car ($117 or so) and I had to have my car towed (about $40) and so you know. I shouldn't have sent the money to my cousin and I shouldn't have bought the battery (but how was I to know I had a misfiring cylinder, carbon build up, and a blown gasket?) but I can't exactly make that unhappen, now can I?

A friend very kindly offered to loan me some money (OK, I asked the friend if they could) even though I made it pretty clear that the payback will probably not be until 2029 or until I come into a whole bunch of money. Borrowing money from a friend has got to be the worst feeling ever when it comes to this sort of thing. I even offered to find more stuff to sell but was told "absolutely not" and something about friends helping each other out and caring about one another. I don't remember all that was said because I was weeping with gratitude (and deep, deep shame) at the time. But said friend was right and I have some great ones. Tits gave me a ride to work on Tuesday and Storm gave me a ride to the shop that day so that I could get my car. Nameless friend** is lending me money. Having friends is pretty freaking sweet.

Hopefully this will be my last post regarding my car because I don't think I have the strength to deal with more automotive trauma. And, seeing as the weather literally went from 60 degrees to 23 degrees overnight, if it breaks down again I'll most likely just freeze to death and be left for wild animals to eat me. That's not the way I want to go.

Speaking of going, I want to go get more water and mediocre coffee but I'll leave you with this:

1. Evidently there are kiddie couture blogs. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, how obsessive are you that you are buying your kid super expensive clothing, styling them, and posting pictures of them on your blog? On the other hand, meh, we all like what we like and who am I to judge? But the whole super pricey kiddie clothes will always bother me... just because I'm poor.
2. I've turned into one of those jerks who posts pictures of the food she makes on Facebook. I don't post them here because I can't really be bothered/it never turns out well enough to merit a blog post but I can't help but put them on FB. I figure people can just defriend me or hide me if they don't like it. Just as I'd do them if they started posting their kiddie couture. 
3. I like Gabrielle Giffords, I do. I think she is a nice lady with politics that are not super scary. But can we not trot her out after episodes of gun violence? I feel like she is being exploited and turned into some sort of mascot and it makes me sad. But I suppose no one is making her do it, right? 
4. There is something on the tip of my tongue but I just can't think of it so adieu.

*I don't know why we have to wait. We have a regular delivery on Mondays but if we run out on Wednesday why can't we order more? Or how about we order a little extra this time? I'm sure it is a money thing and I know we aren't entitled to good office coffee, but for some reason that just irritated the shit out of me. 

**I'm not naming the friend because money things seem somewhat intimate and personal and it just seems wrong. That and I don't want you to get the wrong idea and think I'm blowing a male friend or giving a female friend a rim job for the money or anything. Because that is so totally what you would think. And so would I.

Bright, brighter, brightest

In an effort to be a better person this year, I'm trying to keep trying even though the world seems hell bent on fucking with me. My car is being a complete cunt but you know what? I still scrubbed my bathroom last night and I changed the light in the hallway with the really difficult to replace light fixture (had to steal a bulb from the ceiling fan in the dining room but whatev). So take that world. I did not just curl into a fetal position and stuff my gob with ice cream, cry, and watch "Murder, She Wrote". No sir, I was productive.* I also got drunk and sad and called my mother. You know, she's been feeling down so I thought I'd treat her. Poor woman. I have a feeling she thinks I'm an alcoholic and I wouldn't blame her since I'm usually drunk when I call her. More troubling, however, is the fact that I generally have to be drunk to call my mother. That's why I go weeks without contacting her and she ends up asking Facebook friends that we have in common to message me since I haven't responded to her voice mail on my cell, her voice mail at work, her emails, and her texts. I wonder which is worse, letting her think I'm a lush or letting her know think I'm a bad daughter?

Anyway, positive attitude and all that. I really am trying to find the positives. My cars sucks but I was productive and one of my neighbors gave me a lift to the grocery store because he was going anyway. Another neighbor agreed to meet me at the mechanic after I had my car towed today. I have good neighbors.

But! And this is the best part of the whole car thing, seriously. I called AAA today for a tow truck. I found out I didn't have to go with the driver so hurrah! When the AAA guy (they are always guys, aren't they) showed up (a lovely British man), he was in a pick up truck so he had to be sent back and I had to wait another twenty minutes for the service I'd ordered. Then the tow truck guy showed up and oh my goodness, never have I had such a wonderful tow experience in my life! He was so nice. First he insisted on starting my car because he saw where I wanted it towed and it was going to cost me a bit (which I knew). I told him that I had to have it towed because blah blah blah, history of my week. But we ran it anyway. He doesn't think it is the alternator by the way.** So he confirms that I want to have it towed, even though AAA only gives you three free miles, checks what AAA thinks the mileage is, then rechecks because we both know for damned sure that it is not sixteen miles, gets it down to twelve, and breaks out the paperwork. "Now there is a $5 surcharge, you know" he says. "Really? No one ever told me that before" I replied. "Well," says he, "it's a policy of Towing Company." He then goes back to the paperwork before saying "you know what? Fuck em! Hah! I said it!" Saved me $5!

After calling in my card and getting his truck ready he got on the flat bed part, looked at me, paused, and said "you want to load her yourself?" "You mean drive my car up there?" "Sure! Why not?!" So fucking awesome. Something to know about me? If you ever say "do you want to try/climb in/explore/see/etc",*** I will always light up, say yes, and clap my hands like a giddy child. So I got to try to drive my car onto the tow truck. Didn't work, sadly, because my car is two wheel drive and chains were needed (read: it wasn't me, even super nice Tow Truck Guy couldn't do it, it was my car). So much fun!

Tangential side note: he is an older man and he knows a woman in her late sixties or early seventies with my name, which is just weird. My name isn't uncommon any longer, but growing up, I was always the only one with it. I've thought about being an old woman with my name and that seems weird, so knowing that there are others out there makes it even weirder (odder yet: this woman's parents named her and spelled it what I consider the "wrong" way. Little did I know).

So yes, I am, indeed, looking on the brighter side of life.


*Totally off topic but "No, sir" reminded me of the Nationwide commercials narrated by Julia Roberts. Why the fuck is she doing commercials? I thought she was supposed to be a great big celebrity.

**He also didn't have many front teeth, poor soul.

***I was far too old when I viewed the cockpit of an airplane (late twenties I believe). I explore all the reenactments/hands on stuff at museums. I gave Upstairs Kid a hard time about not climbing into World War II replicas of planes, and I held a treat in my mouth for a giraffe to take from me, just to name a few. Pretty sure I get this from my very adventurous mother.

In which I hate my car

My car died again yesterday. I waited about 45 minutes in the cold (whilst it was snowing) for AAA to come out. I was, once again, in front of the grocery store so at least I had a bag of goldfish crackers to keep me company. This time the guy told me I DID need a new battery so I shelled out the $117 and drove home, feeling content that all was well. I didn't even cry.

It died again today, in different parking lot, further away from my home. This makes me think I need a new alternator, which I'm sure is extremely expensive. And I was doing so well. I got up, scrubbed my kitchen, cleaned my living room, organized a few things and then put on a coat to run errands. This time the car actually started on its own so I was able to cancel my AAA call and I made an appointment with my mechanic for Monday (if she starts) but he wasn't all that reassuring about my driving in case it is the alternator. So I might have to cancel and take to the horribly expensive people at the front of my neighborhood.

I'm so very tired of this. I keep trying and trying and the minute I feel happy it seems that someone just pulls the rug out from under me.

So what's the point in trying?

But I'm a big girl and so I have to be practical and play the role of self and helpful boyfriend (can you tell yet that I'd really like to have a nice, stable relationship so that I don't have to deal with this by myself all the time and maybe I could have some comfort in the form of a handsome, strong, reliable individual? Ever the feminist). So I am going to beg my friend for a favor and if she agrees, have my car towed to the shop and ask her to drive me home so that I don't have to call a cab. And I've emailed my boss and the ops manager who has access to his approvals to let them know I'll need PTO on Monday.

Now, back to crying and feeling frustrated and woe is me. And maybe a walk to the store for some soothing wine. If only I'd had that damned food processor delivered to my home address.

Shall we throw in the towel?

I am seriously considering quitting my job come July (when my lease is up), moving to some shit hole dump, and just working at McDonalds. Or moving in with my mother.

I simply don't think I have it in me to keep this up. If I get a decent tax return maybe I'll lease a boyfriend to console me.

I just think 32 is a bit young to cry every freaking day because of your job. And now that my manager has seemingly turned tyrannical on me - and I'm really hoping it is based on a misunderstanding in my email and not a forever thing - I've just kind of had it.

My new goals include:

1. Find a new job ASAP
2. Get through each work day without crying until I'm belted in my car (bonus points if I don't start until I'm actually driving away).
3. Say as little as possible to people I don't like working with (read: say only what absolutely must be said and in the most polite and professional way possible).
4. Say fuck off to all other resolutions until the crisis has passed. 

I will be applying for another job in my company that appears to be something I can do. I don't even care if they have to give me a pay cut (well, as long as it isn't too big of a pay cut)

Honestly, I keep picking myself back up only to have someone throw me back down again. And I'm not Lisabeth Salander, that scrappy little hacker who just kept getting back up and fighting. I'm more the Victorian lady in need of a fainting couch to be honest. I clearly do not have the strength, skill, or emotional stability to do my job anymore and, considering that my job eats up, at minimum, 40 hours of my week, it's kind of a big part of my life and it is sucking everything good, colorful, and happy from me.

On Sunday I picked myself up out of my funk and went to the grocery store. After carrying my very heavy parcels (the bagger clearly likes to play the "how much can I fit in one bag" game) to my car and getting them settled, I turned the key in the ignition to be met with nothing. It was about four or five thirty in the evening and 23 degrees outside. I waited in suspense and with frozen extremities for about 30 minutes. But I kept my cool for the most part, until the motor club guy told me my battery just needed boost and that when I got home I should let it run for 10 minutes. Then I cried with relief as I thanked him. Drove home, made some food, and thawed my fingers and toes.

The next day I went to the salon for my hair appointment (inwardly thrusting my fist in the air with a hurrah when my car started) and enjoyed the color and cut. For some odd reason, I opted to take the highway home, which I almost never do. Wish I hadn't. Granted, I'm very pleased that I was not in the 23-28 car accident but it's difficult for even the most patient person to sit on a highway that has been turned into a parking lot for 90 minutes. Still, I think I did rather well, reminding myself constantly that I was happier to wait than to be in one of the cars (and they were all smashed up and awful and I kept clutching my chest and mouth in old lady fashion as I passed the wreckage). But I admit to being a bit annoyed because I was really, really hungry and I was afraid I was going to have to pee and there were no bushes. But, in the end, I made it home and the only part of my day's plans that had to be canceled was going to the laundromat. I will get there eventually but at least I had an excuse not to do laundry that day.

So you see? Little things keep happening and I'm doing a very good job at keeping my shit together and acting like an adult. But I think I was pushed to the limit yesterday when my boss literally said "You report to me and you will work on what project I tell you" after I innocently said "so and so takes care of that. If you tell me the specifics I will work with her". I think he may have misunderstood the part where I said "my help officially ends on x date" thinking I was telling him that I would no longer be helping but I haven't heard back from him since I responded three times (twice to that email and once to another). So who knows?

All this not-so-plucky-heroine knows is that she's had enough and it is time she damn well does something about it. Bull, prepare yourself, as I am about to take you by the horns. But if you gore me, that's OK, I can always leg it to Arizona and move in with my mother.

Take 2

So yeah, I've been a dick lately. A total brat just wallowing and crying and being an all around baby. I have, in sum, been insufferable.

But that is changing. I got off my ass and took out my trash (cutting my pinky knuckle in the process somehow) and baking some tomatoes and portobello mushrooms for lunch. I even cleaned a bit. Well, I basically cleaned because some Jehovah's Witnesses came by and asked if they could come again and I said yes and that I'd make sure my place was clean so that I could be a decent human being and invite them in next time.

I love the Jehovah's Witnesses. For one thing, I love anyone who does the work for me and comes to my door so that I don't have to really do anything. That's how I got cable after all. But  I also like the JW's because, from what I've read, they are basically just concerned with being good people. They make it a point to not get politically involved. They just want to be good people and do good works. Again, that is what I know based on the little I've read. I just dig them. So I cleaned up a bit and will have to maintain the cleanliness so that I can invite them in next time and give them coffee.

I also just ordered a food processor to help aide me with my new found interest in cooking. I had to ask my fellow old biddy if he felt it was an irresponsible purchase because every so often I feel like I need to get permission to buy myself something. I used to do that to J. I'd ask him if it was OK for me to buy a gossip magazine. It never matters that it is my own money, I just sometimes feel like I'm not allowed to purchase something without permission. Not to make my mother out to be a bad person or anything, but I think it comes from having her always make me and my brothers account for where our money went if we asked for anything. My first job was a weekend paper route thing (that I totally phoned in) and I made about $40 per paycheck. But mama would always make me tell her where my money went if I asked for anything after I started working. So I'm not trying to say she was wrong, I just think that is why I sometimes need someone to tell me it is OK. And Hunter is one of the most fiscally conservative people I know so asking him makes sense to my crazy brain.

You'll note that I didn't ask anyone for permission to get my hair done on Monday and that is vastly more expensive. Because I'm crazy, I feel I don't need anyone's permission to get my hair cut and colored at an overpriced salon but I asked my best friend if it was irresponsible to spend $40 on a food processor. And yes, that all makes sense in my little brain.

So hopefully I'll be up and running again with my happy healthy new year. Stinks that I fell into a funk so quickly but at least I didn't let myself just stay there and I pulled myself together. Last time I fell into a funk or a downward spiral it lasted for what felt like was forever and was probably at least a month. This time it was just a matter of days. So kudos to me and my crazy brain for pulling my shit together.

Fell off the wagon and rolled into a ditch

Well that didn't last long
Was doing all sorts of great and then WHAM! downward spiral. I've not bathed since Wednesday and have been wearing the same clothes since Thursday. I've been living off of alcohol and frozen pizza (OK, well, I did make a version of one of the Laundress's recipes for pizza but I don't feel I deserve credit since it was still pizza). I've cried kind of a lot and I've pretty much shut down. Oh, except for when I treated Teacher like a total dick for no good reason. That was awesome of me, I'm sure.

What happened? Well, my company passed the audit with flying colors. My manager spoke at an all associate's meeting and when he spoke of the audit and of this other thing, he mentioned all sorts of people but not yours truly, and I'm a direct fucking report and I worked my ass off. For some reason, that really bothered me. Well, that and the fact that I'm probably not going to get the assistant he promised me.Tits will go full time next week and she'll no longer be giving me 16 hours of help a week. I was supposed to get my own hire but the budget is being slashed so who knows. And even though Powerful Woman is doing what she can to fight for the position, she isn't doing it for me but for the person I want to hire. It feels like no one really gives a shit about how hard my job can be or how hard I work.

So basically, I've been stewing in a little woe is me pity party for the last few days. I'm pretty unhappy in my job and I'm lonely in my personal life and isn't that all so unique and new? I've basically been a pouty little princess for the last few days. But I think I've snapped out of it some what. Part of what helped was the following conversation I just had on facebook with BFF.

Me: "I am a mess. All those lovely new years resolutions and excellent progress have evidently been flushed down the drain. I think I've even been wearing the same clothes for three days now. I am obviously killing 2013."

BFF: "I am on a no booze-cruise and weening myself off caffeine. Working my way up to no sugar and no gluten. Go me."

Me: "I haven't bathed in days and have been subsisting on frozen pizza and alcohol. I am the Goofus to your Gallant your braggy biatch."

Sorry, but that shit made me giggle and so I feel better. I'm still probably going to waste this day and be totally unhealthy, but I'll also clean and plan to be more productive tomorrow. Why not just jump back in, after all? I felt good and happy until just recently and so I'm going to do what I can to get that back and stop being such a child.

Somewhat off topic: I can't help but wonder if this is part of my bipolar disorder, a giant mood swing or something. 

Elementary is a good show but I prefer the BBC

Audit
My company is undergoing an audit and it's killing me because already I have been told my work isn't 100%. If we don't get the information we need tomorrow morning, I'm sunk. Fantastic. I feel great. I also found out that there is a pretty good chance that the promised help the company was going to hire for me probably ain't going to happen. Fantastic squared.

But I'm oddly fine with it all. I realized the other day that I have zero oversight and I find it really unfair that I'm the only one to answer for my work. Shouldn't I have some clinical oversight? Some gold standard checking my work? Well I haven't had that in years so I've done my best and I can't get overwrought with the results, even if they suck. And so maybe I continue doing the job on my own. Yeah, I'll be upset, but being upset isn't going to make it easier.

So I look for a new job. I had a call from someone on Friday who found my resume on line. Hopefully they will call to set up an interview this week. I'm upset about my work not being 100% and the very real chance that I'm letting my company down. But I think I hit a wall on Sunday where I realized I had to just let it go.

Healthy Living
Here I am, at least, succeeding. I've been cooking and eating healthy and I've been going to the gym. I ran three miles today in three one mile intervals. Shocked myself really. I started last Tuesday with .5 mile intervals and now, my fourth time at the gym, I'm up to 1 mile intervals. Hopefully I'll be running 2 miles within six weeks. Oh, and my miles are just under 11 minutes so hurrah! No, I'm not going to be winning any races or anything, but it still feels good to know that I'm not having to start all the way at the beginning after taking so much time off.

Cooking has been really fun, even if I don't always get it right. I made lamb burgers with a cucumber sauce one night. Onions were not sliced finely enough for my liking and I accidentally made twice as much sauce but it still tasted good. Yesterday I wanted to make baked orzo with eggplant based on this recipe, but the eggplant I bought was rotten. So I made it anyway, just sans eggplant, and it was quite tasty. Had it again today with chopped up turkey bacon and it made for a nice dinner. Tomorrow will probably just be vegetables so that I can use them up before they go bad. Because of the audit, I got lunch today and again tomorrow. Today I had a grilled chicken salad with apple slices, pecans, and blue cheese crumbles. Tomorrow I think I ordered some healthy wrap thing with a side of fruit.

All in all, I'm doing pretty well. So well, in fact, that I am now one of those annoying people who photographs their homemade meals and posts pictures on facebook. I know, I hate me too and I'm not interested either. But I'm proud of myself and I think I read somewhere that it's been found that if others know you have a goal and you keep them updated, you are more likely to meet said goal. Besides, people can hide my news feed if I am super annoying.

Mama
My mother has called me twice recently when she was feeling low. After Viking's funeral, Mama stayed out East with my brother and his wife, spending Christmas with sister-in-law's father and stepmother. But Mama came home and was very sick. She was feeling low because she has to go home to a house that still has her mother's room in it, nearly untouched. The medical equipment is gone but not the furniture or belongings. She told me that she was just sad because Viking hated her for the last three years. I reminded her that Viking wasn't in her right mind and that, as the Aide once said, you can't get upset with someone who doesn't know what they are doing. I cheered her up a bit but it was really hard to hear her cry.

She called me again yesterday, telling me about something that hurt her feelings and letting me know that she was dragging her feet on approaching Viking's room. She told me that it isn't so much that she is lonely but that she is so alone. I get that. She's lived with her mother for about six years and in recent days, the Aide was there, with her kids after school, so there was more life in the house. So she's just feeling a bit sad and low and she'll call me and talk to me because I'm pretty straight forward and I make her laugh. I knew Viking's death would be hard on her but I had no idea what to expect because I've not lived through something like this, not as an adult. When Pop died, I was 13 so Mama shielded me from her feelings. Now I'm here for her to call. And I told her she can call me whenever she wants to or needs to. Lord knows I do that to her enough.

I hope she feels better and reclaims her life. She deserves it. 

Bursting with controlled substances

The Good Life
Well living the healthy life seems to be suiting me these days, even if it has only been about a day and a half. I'm actually enjoying cooking and find myself reading blogs to find recipes. Not that I necessarily cook anything too complicated. Remember how I said I'm not a very creative cook? Well, at least I can say I'm resourceful. The other night I ended up having cut up turkey hot dogs, sauteed asparagus, somewhat sauteed somewhat fried red baby potatoes, and sour cream for good measure. Why yes, yes I was trying to figure out how to use up some of the food in my fridge, thank you for asking. I've been eating red baby potatoes for freaking days and I'm thinking it is time to move on. Maybe take a break from the asparagus as well, though I'm pleased I'm eating vegetables (I even ate the green beans in my lunch meal [one of those Healthy Choice Steam Meals thing]... that was an accomplishment because green beans and I have NEVER gotten along). So I'm resourceful and I enjoy it and thus, I have a new hobby. Hurrah!*

I also went to the gym for the first time in ages. I've belonged to it by virtue of my lease since mid June or early July but I didn't even find it until yesterday. After work this week, I finally sucked it up, found the place, and then went to actually use the joint. Today was my second day running and I'm not doing to poorly. I look forward to my after work jogs, which is a really good thing, and today was especially pleasing because I pushed myself. After my third interval of .75 miles, my toes were hurting and I thought I'd call it a day. But I powered through the pain and went for the last interval, running at .7 mph faster than the rest of my mileage for my last quarter, and was literally smiling as I finished. Red in the face, water bottle drained, but feeling pleased with myself

*As mentioned previously, Hunter and I are like a pair of old biddies when it comes to food and so we now tell each other almost every day what we had for dinner or what we are thinking of having for dinner. We swap links to recipes and talk about it every morning. Because we are super cool.

Creating The Life
So, I thought about bitching and moaning about this jerk who drives me crazy at work but, instead, I'm going to try and just focus on positive things. I'm dedicating this year to taking care of myself and creating the life I want for myself. Yes, some thins are out of my control but many are right there in my locus (is that right?) So instead of ruminating on the negative I'm going to try to just process it and move on. I'm not going to be all happy pollyanna sunshine or some shit but I'm going to try and be happy.  I look forward to going to the gym these days (granted, it's been two days in one week so far this year) and I'm enjoying cooking. I'm reading The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes before bed and sleep with three blankets so that I'm nice and snug.I'm being a better housekeeper and that makes me happy.

Nothing stunning of course, but conscious efforts nonetheless. This is the year that I stop running from problems, burying my head in the sand, and doing things to just distract myself from life. Instead, I'm going to live and enjoy life, no matter what may come. And I'm quite pleased with that decision.

I'm also going to get super duper filthy rich.