Ragey Before 6 in the Morning

Oh for fuck's sake. Remember how I JUST talked about how the Bat and I talked about the fact that I'm his girlfriend and not just some person in his house and it would be nice if he'd be nice to me and then he took me on a picnic? I shit you not when I say he was a dick before 6 a.m. this morning.

We were laying in bed, cuddling, as we were trying to get as much as we could out of those last twenty minutes before we absolutely had to get out of bed. I made a comment about how he really likes part of my body because he's particularly fondly with it (head north, not south) in the a.m. I was just musing out loud, not fishing for compliments or anything, but the fucker said "no." And he said it in such a way that it took me a few seconds to realize that he wasn't serious but was just being a dick.

What the fuck? He rarely says nice things to me, he never compliments me, and now, apparently, he is going to go out of his way to be a dick for no reason? Our conversation as I was leaving went like this:

Him: "You aren't going to give me a kiss?"
Me: "No. You're a dick."
Him: "I know."
Me: "I'm not rewarding dickish behavior."

So now I'm annoyed and feel like an idiot but am also really frustrated because throw me a fucking bone mother fucker. I can handle the fact - no, I have been handling the fact - that he isn't romantic, doesn't pay compliments, and doesn't often say nice things. But to be a dick like that at roughly 5:45 a.m. is just unacceptable.

Why do I feel like an idiot? Because this whole thing irritates me to the point of considering passive aggressive behavior along the lines of "well fine, I'm not doing shit for the guy anymore" or "when I get home I'm holing up in my room and he can go fuck himself." And that isn't who I am at all. I hate that shit. So, as I said, annoyed and feeling like an idiot.

Fucking boys, dude.

Lovely Weekend of Normal People Stuff

Broken Bow, Oklahoma
I think I've spoken before about how I enjoy doing normal people stuff. J and I lived like hermits for so fucking long and we never really did the things normal couples do. We'd go out to the pub every Sunday afternoon, but we wouldn't have people over or go to other peoples' homes very often. And we never went to a wine tasting or a romantic get away or anything like that. So when I started going on little monthly casino trips with Tits, I mentally categorized it as "normal people stuff". They go places with a good friend. When I started the Broad Summit, that, too, was categorized as "normal people stuff". They get a group of girls together for the occasional happy hour.

I'm not blaming my lack of normal people stuff activity on J. For whatever reason, I just never got out there and made friends until my last year in the state. I had plenty of friends at work, but it wasn't until my final year that I started to socialize with them outside of the office. J and I were just both weirdly reclusive for whatever reason (well, I'd say the nature of his work for him). These days I do a lot of things normal people do. I don't have any friends of my own yet, but the Bat and I very often have people over or go over to people. And this weekend, I jumped into the deep end of normal people activity when I accompanied the Bat to a couples' weekend in Oklahoma.

One of his friends was celebrating her 30th birthday and rented a very expensive, very cute cabin in Broken Bow and invited others to join her. The literature said is slept 8 and the Bat and I thought there would be, at most, five couples including us, so we brought a tent and all the camping gear; essentially, we brought our own room. It was a really fun time and I had a blast. The first night was the usual sort of thing where people show up at different times and you all end up drinking and chatting and then going to sleep.

Saturday, for whatever reason, we all woke up super early (well, the Bat and I had the excuse of being outside with all the animals who start to stir and scream at the first glimpse of light) but were curiously slow to get moving. I was very antsy so eventually the Bat and I headed out. What did we do? Well that nice man took me on my first ever real picnic. He'd wanted it to be a surprise but that didn't happen, and he wanted it to include some canoeing, which also didn't happen (lake was too low and the place was closed). But it was really nice nonetheless. We walked onto the island/peninsula area of the lake, which was in a pretty area, and had our sandwiches and fruit and water. He'd wanted me to have wine but we didn't have any. He told me that it was part of his trying to be more thoughtful, stemming from a conversation about how I was starting to feel like a piece of furniture in his life, something comfortable and useful. He doesn't say nice things any more, he doesn't do nice gestures, and well, see the awful Valentine's Day. I told him that the only reason I knew he still liked me was because I was still there in his life. So we talked about it and he told me that he just needs the occasional reminder that not everyone thinks or feels like he does. He apologized for how he'd made me feel, and said he'd try harder to acknowledge and respond to my feelings in the future.

That was nice of him. I don't need grand gestures, just small things to let me know that he does care for me and I'm not just in his life because he enjoys my company and the sex.

After we ate we lay in the sun for awhile before walking along the rocks. Then we hooked up with some of the other couples at a winery where we tasted about 25 wines a piece and the Bat and I bought 5 bottles. This was perfect for the next activity, which saw all three of the winery couples going to a spillway to join a couple who were fishing. We sat and drank wine and just chatted and looked out on the water. Some of the guys decided it would be fun to throw rocks at the buoys in another area because, well, I guess that is what guys do. Eventually, once enough of us had to pee and too many other people were about for girls to pee in public (there were no bushes), we all headed back to the cabin where we proceeded to drink too much wine and pass out. I went down first. It was awesome. 

Next morning the Bat and I headed home and, when we got there, we both said 'fuck it' and left everything in the car so we could take a nap. Before taking a nap we did, of course, moan and groan and espouse the wonders of his bed which had never felt so good before. It wasn't just that we'd been sleeping on an air mattress but that we are both old and out of shape so that little bit of hiking up the spillway was enough to have us - along with the other couples - aching terribly when we woke up. But my god! That bed is a wondrous thing and it was all we could do to not roll around in it like a couple of pigs in mud.

I did the bulk of the unpacking because I was up first and figured I owed the Bat since he did all the packing in the first place. Then he relaxed and watched television and caught up with the Monkey when she got home whilst I did chores here and there. And then, sadly, the weekend came to an end and we had to go to sleep.

But it was an amazing time and I'm really glad that we did it. Normal People Stuff is rad as hell.

Traffic and Valentine's Day

Traffic
If you know me at all, you know that I hate my shitty commute. I live on the outskirts of East Dallas County and work in the Dallas Fort Worth (DFW) area, 36 miles west. Dallas traffic sucks a bag of dicks so I have a start time of 7 am, work through lunch, and leave at 3 pm with hopes of avoiding the worst of it. The morning is usually OK but this week my afternoon commute has been horrific, every single damned day. I'm not exaggerating; there was an accident every day. From this, I've learned a few things about myself.

I Am Not Smart or Else I'm a Hard Learner
If I had one experience with a poor commute home, that would be a different story. But I've had multiple experiences with shitty commutes home so by Wednesday, I should have learned to be totally prepared. Instead, I half ass it. Yes, I always make sure I have enough gas but that has less to do with a fear of running out in case my homeward commute sucks and everything to do with that time in August when I forgot I needed gas, was driving home, my gas light turned on, and I took the first fucking exit I came across only to realize I was in corporate Dallas where there are no gas stations so I drove around without AC and desperately trying to use my phone to find a station. But so yes, I have gas. But! Even if I get gas in the morning before heading out, I refuse to make sure I have enough cigarettes and so, when there is an accident, I tend to run out. Awesome. And if I have anything to drink, it is almost always left over soda from the can I was drinking on my way in that morning or else a bottle of soda that is rolling around on the floor from god knows when. All in all, I'm not prepared. And I've had plenty of experiences to direct me to the things I need: gas, beverage(s), and smokes.

I'm Somewhat Masochistic
When I set off home and hit a stop, I usually think "OK, I'll listen for a traffic report and then either listen to NPR or my iPod." But that is NEVER how it works. I do, eventually, get a traffic report but instead of then turning to NPR or listening to music I like, I insist upon continuing to listen to shitty top forty radio just so that I can hear every single god damned traffic report so I can be reminded that there is an accident, 12 miles ahead, at Woodal Rogers, that has the three left lanes blocked. And this continues even once I get past the fucking accident. It's like I want to be constantly reminded of what I already know, that my commute is going to continue sucking and here is why. That is so fucking messed up and that, on top of my seeming resistance to making sure I am prepared, seems super masochistic.

Dallas is Turning me Into a Mean Driver
Normally, when I am stuck in traffic due to an accident or stalled vehicle, I am able to think in grateful and charitable terms. Usually I think "well, I'd much rather be delayed by an accident/stalled vehicle rather than being in the accident or the stalled vehicle." But by Wednesday? By Wednesday I turned mean. Not road rage, but just mean thinking. Thinking that says things like "I want to see fucking BODIES piled up on the side of the road. I want to see a huge fucking pile up. I want to see atrocities worthy of my having to sit here for fucking ever when I am out of smokes and have to pee like a mother fucker." I do not like this.

Dallas Accidents are Amazing
Each time there was an accident, it was a minimum of 12 miles from my starting point. One was 18 miles from my starting point and yesterday's was 26 mother fucking miles from my start point. But that doesn't matter. No matter where the god damned accident/stalled vehicle is, I am backed up by mile 8 or 9 in my commute. How the fuck does that happen? I do get it when it is at mile 12 because that is when you hit the mix master and 35 and 30 split but when it is at Fairlawn, which is at mile 18 on 30 and I'm starting out on 35, I don't understand why the fuck we are backed up from my starting point. Also, just the fact that assholes get into accidents so often and that there are SO MANY FUCKING 18 wheeler incidents is fucking fascinating.

Bottom Line: I still hate my commute and despise Dallas drivers. It isn't just the accidents. Last Thursday my boss sent me home saying that it looked like the roads were OK but why don't I go home and work from there before it go dark and the roads might ice up. The roads were fucking fine, there were no accidents, and it still took me two hours and twenty mother fucking minutes to get home. Shape up Dallas peeps.

Valentine's Day
I didn't really have one. I bought the Bat a cute, nondescript card and a Home Depot gift card. Originally I was going to get him a GC to Massage Envy since he has a bad back and does a lot of physical work, but he's been so jazzed about this greenhouse that he's building that I figured he'd enjoy the Home Depot card more. I made the right decision and he was very happy with it.

When I got home yesterday and we were sitting on the couch, he asked me what I would like for my Valentine's gift. I told him I didn't know (cause I didn't). He told me that he hasn't done V-Day in 12-13 years so he is rusty. I told him, truthfully, that I did not really expect anything from him and that I like Valentine's Day so I participate and I wanted to get him something thoughtful that he'd enjoy and that I knew he'd had a hard week. I told him that I didn't get him something with any expectation of getting something back and that, in all reality, I really didn't expect anything from him. OK, fine, but then he, Monkey and I went to Home Depot to use part of that gift card and whilst there, he stopped by the potted plants and told me and Monkey to pick one out and that would be our gift. Monkey declined because she would rather have a bouquet of cut flowers and I declined because, god damn it, I am not going to pick out my own present.

Later in the evening, we took Monkey to her friend's house for a sleep over and then the Bat suggested we go get dinner. I didn't say anything but I did think "yeah, good idea. I'm sure we'll find a table." He took me to the sushi bar we go to all the time for Happy Hour, which is super romantic, and we ended up having to sit outside and only ended up having a sake and a beer a piece because it was clear we would not be served. When we left we stopped at a grocery store where I bought myself some wine and a pizza... essentially, I bought my own Valentine's dinner.

That night, when we were going to sleep, he asked how my Valentine's Day had been and I told him that I didn't really have one but I had a decent Friday night. I then had to explain why I didn't have a real VDday. Before going to sleep, I said "it's OK, you can make it up to me and take me out to eat tomorrow."

Welp, today his dad came over to help with the greenhouse with regards to electric work. We went to Home Depot for supplies during which time, he got a call from his brother. He ended up going to McKinney to help said brother with some house work because brother sold his house and has to take care of shit. I knew the minute I heard about it, that dinner tonight wasn't going to happen. But his brother's need for help was important and immediate, as opposed to my want so whatev. I didn't go with because I wanted to work on a spec I'm writing and do some chores. My night ended up being working, cleaning the kitchen, picking up around the living room and the bedroom, cleaning Johan's cage, doing some laundry, and rescuing Methuselah who had fallen into the man made pond the Bat created for his greenhouse (he failed to barricade that area and so the world's oldest dog fell in and couldn't get out). That part was awesome because yesterday, the Bat bought 50 goldfish for his pond, all of whom were dead this morning. I was in stocking feet and so I had to step into the dead goldfish pond to haul the dog out bodily. Poor thing was whining so badly that I didn't feel like I had time to call the Bat and I didn't want to make her wait whilst I put on shoes. So I stepped into dead goldfish pond and got her out, ending up smelling like wet dog and dead goldfish pond water.

All in all? Stellar weekend so far.