2019 - Best Of!

This is a thing that happens this time of year, yeah? Magazines, television shows, and internet sites do a year-end retrospective about the best things of the year? Bloggers do it too, what with being "influencers" and all, so I figured, if I'm ever going to hit the big time, become Internet famous, and live off the proceeds of my wildly successful blog, I should follow suit. That being said, this blog has zero focus, I influence nothing, and I'm so far behind the times that the times are lapping me. So here is just a bunch of stuff I enjoyed this year. Full disclosure, it's going to be stuff that I enjoyed recently because who remembers March?

Besides, I'm fairly certain "my favorite thing in 2019" was just "those times I got really great sleep."

Without further ado, Simply a Girl's Favorites of 2019!

Television

Murder, She Wrote. More specifically, season four which offered us such gems as Episode 12, "Who Threw the Barbitals in Mrs. Fletcher's Chowder?" What doesn't this episode have? Sheriff Amos Tupper's sister, Winnie, comes to town because she has left her husband. All of a sudden she's decided she isn't really into hill folk and wanted to escape his family. So we get Cabot Cove (all the best episodes are either in the cove or are locked-room mystery types), a lot of Seth Hazlett, and Amos feeling uncomfortable a lot of the time. 

Season four also gave us episode 7, "If it's Thursday, it Must Be Beverly." This also takes place in Cabot Cove and it features Seth and Jessica finding out that the entirety of its female population is being serviced by one doofy dude. I want to say he is a plumber or something but he's not. I can't remember what he does but then, I don't really see how he has any time considering he's laying pipe of a different sort all over town. 

Finally, we have episode 9, "Trouble in Eden". I think this one takes place in the pacific north west. I only remember that (if I'm correct) because it just seems so weird that the Eden Hotel is in Oregon rather than the deep south. Yeah, I don't know why that is weird to me but it is. Any noodles, this episode gets a mention because in it, our delightful Mrs. Fletcher goes under cover to pose as the sister of a hotel owner who dies and she doesn't even flinch when she finds out that said hotel is run as a brothel. 

Congratulations to 1988's finest in television programming! 

Cinema

The original Indiana Jones trilogy. And the Last Crusade is, obviously, the best IJ movie ever, we all know that. But I'd like to give a special honor to And the Temple of Doom for having the best scene in the entire franchise. No, not that one. Please, homie ripping the heart out of other homie through his chest is cool and all, but over played and worn out. No, I'm talking about the scene at the beginning of the movie during all the chaos when Indiana is frantically trying to get to the antidote for the poison he's been slipped. At one point, he turns around, pauses, and then straight punches a cigarette girl. WTF is with that? The pause before the punch is what makes it special to me. It makes zero sense (unless the girl was hiding a gun but I'd have to go re-watch to see).

Something else that makes no sense? Whilst all hell is breaking loose and people are screaming and running for the exits and fists are being thrown, the fucking dancing girls come out and try as best they can to do their number. I think something was even on fire at that point. No offense ladies but this isn't special ops or anything and the world will survive just fine if you do not complete your mission. 

Let's hear it for movies featuring a young Harrison Ford! 

Books

The Kay Scarpetta series by Patrica Cornwell. Remember those? I feel like she's the one who made people first aware of things like "forensics" and "y-incisions" and shit. You know, before CSI and all that took off. I read a whole bunch of this series way back in the day because my mom read them and I kind of just pick up whatever is available and give it a try. Reading them now is pretty hilarious. Everybody smokes everywhere. No joke, Kay legit lights up with her buddy Marino in the morgue. Which, yeah, OK, probably the one place where smoking seems to make some sense. But when she goes to the FBI headquarters place in VA, she lights up in homeboy's office. Like, after looking around and not finding and ashtray, she and Marino don't take the hint but are all "shrug, let's use this coke can". She smokes in her house. They are just constantly smoking. And Marino reads like such a stereotype. It's actually funner to listen to the audiobooks. Hang on, brief aside. 

See, what happened was SA took me to Half Price Books after we saw the Mr. Rogers movie and he bought me a stack of paperbacks. One of them was From Potter's Field because I saw Cornwell and I got kind of nostalgic and I was specifically looking for thrillers to keep at SA's for when he got the massive nightstands. This makes perfect sense because I'm a sissy and can't read or watch scary stuff alone. But FPF is way into the series and opens with Kay and Marino going to NYC because they believe some serial killer has struck again. So, you know, I obviously had to start from the beginning. 

So, that led me to using my December Audible credit to download the first book in the series, Post-Mortem. The lady who reads it has a a rougher voice than I expected, almost everyone but Kay and Pete have southern accents, and Pete sounds like a Philly stereotype, even though he was previously on the NYPD, not the Philly PD. It really is hilarious and I had to rewind a bunch of times on my way to work, which is when I listen to audiobooks because I really cannot stand hearing about what Trump tweeted or what crimes he's committed that he's going to get away with. I've had enough of that. I highly recommend it and am just waiting until January's Audible credit so I can get the third installment. A really, really sweet colleague of mine got me the second one, Body of Evidence, for new year's so I'm reading that one. 

Thank you 1990 and 1991! 

Music

I don't really listen to music anymore. For eleven years, I had a car with am/fm only and got used to listening to NPR. Even once I got a "new" car that has a CD player, I still pretty much just listen to NPR out of habit. That's weird, come to think of it, considering I'm one of the only people I know who actually still has CDs.

Based on what is in my in-house CD player and what was purchased most recently, the best music in 2019 was five-or-six disc set of Opera's Greatest Hits, Enter the Wu by The Wu-Tang Clan, Fiona Apple's entire catalog published thus far, and a replacement Bessie Smith album because my last one got scratched and god damn it but I need a clear version of Gimme a Pig's Foot if I'm going to be a happy camper.

Gotta hand it to the kids today and the music they are producing! 

Food and Drink

Really reaching at this point since I know nothing about food and don't really care about it that much. I mean, food is good and everything but I'm never going to think "this would be great with some aioli". I don't know what aioli is other than knowing it is some sort of sauce and I think it had its fifteen minutes a couple of years ago.

But let's go with "Ralph's Pizza." Ralph's is a little hole-in-the-wall place where you can get pizza by the slice after you've done your shopping at the beer and wine store and visited the friendly pay-day loan place. I think it is New York-style because it is thin crust without being the super thin and crunchy crust you can get at Dominoes (no shade, I love a good thin crust from D's). But I don't really care because I'm not a pizza snob. I just like ordering my large cheese with ricotta and, because I still feel like I'm not allowed to order plain cheese pizza, a side of the sub-par mozzarella sticks.

Sorry, Ralph's; you do fantastic cheese pizza but your cheese sticks are never cooked long enough.

To pair with your cheese and ricotta pie, enjoy a bottle of Cooper and Thief's red blend. I "discovered" this wine when SA ordered it during our Nick and Sam's steak dinner for Valentine's Day. I always make SA order the wine because he's the one paying and I'd hate to order something he didn't like when he's going to have to pay $30 for what you can get at the grocery store for $15. This wine is good, you can get it at Kroger for around $25 so it is a splurge for sure, and you want to be careful because it has a high ABV. I would tell you about the taste but it's been awhile since I've had it so don't really remember, just that I like it. 

Clothing

The slipper socks that make my feet into unicorns that I bought at Wal-Mart yesterday. I have no style and the only things I buy are $2.17 camisoles from Wal-Mart and dresses for work off Amazon. I picked up these slipper socks when I was doing some grocery shopping and didn't even realize they were unicorns until I got home and found the horns. I tried to find a picture on their company web-site but, whilst I could fill up several virtual shopping carts with the cute socks that came up, after four pages of not finding these particular ones, I gave up.

I didn't even buy them because they are adorable but because I need something to keep my feet warm at SA's house so that I stop borrowing his socks.

So, since I don't have a picture, I'll give you this instead. That's the dress my girlfriend wore for Christmas and it is adorable and I'm super jealous. 

God, these are fucking disturbing, aren't they? Why don't I just slap a pair of possums on my feet and call it a day ffs? 

Gadgets

I bought a new vacuum this year! It's a Shark Lift Away Deluxe and is super quiet, has that turning technology that makes it turn nicely, and does its job as a vacuum. I think it cost me $150 at Wal-Mart or Home Depot. You can take the canister off and use the the hose attachment for, like, stairs and stuff. I don't know, I needed/wanted a new vacuum and it is such a nice change to the air raid siren that I used to own. You know, come to think of it, the last time that SA and I were broken up, I updated my OK Cupid profile and one of the questions was about goals. My goal was to own a couch and a vacuum that didn't pierce my ears one day. 

People of the Internet, this is what living the dream looks like. 

Beauty

Not smoking. Seriously, when I'm really good and manage to not smoke for at least two days, my skin improves tremendously. Because weekends are rough and I'm all "what will power?" I have been smoking and so my skin is dry and rough and the moisturizer I slather on just gets soaked into my brain or something I guess because this shit is still flaky and gross. That's going to be one of the things I use to really beat the habit, reminding myself of how nice it is to not feel like my face is 800 miles of bad road. I don't care what anyone says, I do hydrate. I drink so much water at work that my hands are chapped from going to the damn bathroom eight million times and having to then wash my hands with the awful work bathroom soap. I hydrate, I use lotion, and I stay out of the sun because I'm a shut-in; trust me, the best thing for your skin is to stop smoking. If you already don't smoke? I don't know, maybe pick it up for a month or two to see how it ravages the skin, quit, and bask in the glory of your good health and supple face. 

Here's looking at you smooth, radiant, wonderful skin after I've successfully quit smoking! 

Web Site

I know, I know, you really thought I was going to say "You Tube so I can watch people who have talent do their talent stuff." Oh ho ho, you think you know me but you don't. The 2019 best of web site award goes to Murder, She Blogged. This site goes through every episode of MSW and includes photos from the show. I think the chick who writes it is Australian and she is just a huge fan of the show and Jessica Fletcher and she started this project and followed through. It's an absolute joy and I still haven't gotten through its entirety. 

As I said, it includes photos of scenes and they are hilarious. In going to grab one, I saw that the last entry was in July of this year so this is actually the most fitting "favorite" of this entire entry! 

The author is Briony W. and she is just brilliant. The link is in the title above. 

Looking Ahead

What will 2020 look like for someone with her finger on the pulse of pop-culture? It'll probably look a lot like 2019 with me re-watching things I already know I like, continuing to read old stuff, not discover new music, and maybe buy a kitchen gadget as I pretend to turn my eating habits around. 

Things I will not miss from 2019? Having two cats who like to be right next to me as they endlessly clean themselves and who like to get into squabbles that make me wonder "fighting or playing?" I won't miss these things because I'm carrying these two fur-balls into the new decade with me, of course! And I think I'm getting a new phone in March so I definitely will not miss the way my battery drains and then takes seven hours to recharge. Seriously, my phone is only three years old but if I use it, even if it is plugged in, the battery drains super quickly. It's probably my weather app or something but I'm going with age of the phone. In March the 5G shit should be figured out and Samsung will have their new edition out so I'm holding out till then.

Mostly, I look forward to no longer having to work because my blog will take off and I'll rake in six figures for basically faffing about and typing non-sense. Then, as my fame increases, my posting will decrease and I'll coast on the residuals. Before we know it, I'll have paid off all my debt and will be safely installed as someone's stay at home girlfriend, living the dream.

Happy New Year! 

Surprise Why

Because I'm a lonely shut-in with a crap boyfriend and a bunch of animals, I have to find my entertainment where I can. One of my favorite things to do on a weekend is google "AGT surprise". For the uninitiated, AGT is short for America's Got Talent. Now, when you perform this google search, you will receive various fill in suggestions such as "AGT surprise singers" or "Simon's top five surprises". Pick whichever takes your fancy. Your results will be for both America's Got Talent and Britain's Got Talent and both are totally worthwhile.

I do this specific search because I'm one of those people who can't really watch Olympic gymnastics or figure skating and who googles "Survivor winner" before finishing watching the finale. I want everyone to do well and I want everyone to win. I just feel so bad for those who don't do well or lose and so it isn't fun for me. So I google "AGT surprise" because I get to see the cream of the crop so to speak. This little 12 year-old girl with a puppet shows up, giggles from nerves and then wows everyone by belting out 'Summer Time' with her mouth closed. Two storm troopers appear, say nothing, disappear only to reappear with four others so that they can dance and make everyone very happy. Little kids come and belt out songs in voices you'd never expect, blind people play the piano beautifully... well, you get it.

Here is the thing that gets me. Why are people always so surprised when older people show up and do something amazing? A duo, one 54, one 84 shows up and perform feats of strength. Crowd goes wild and the shots of the audience are of people who are stunned. An 80 year-old appears with a young man, the judges are judgy from the get go thinking they are a couple, and then they dance and everyone is stunned. Why? Why are people so freaking surprised that old people are talented and can do stuff?

We live in the 21st century. At this point, we no longer have the excuse of "it was a different era and that's just how people were then" when it comes to racist/sexist/bigoted old people. Everyone alive has either lived through the civil rights era or knows about it so there is no excuse or justification for that stupid shit. And there are a ton of people alive today who lived through the 60's, 70's, and on. Of course older people have talent. Where the fuck do you think this shit comes from? Like young people are the ones who created music, dance, art, etc? Nope, sorry younger lot, that was all created generations before you.

I don't know why this bothers me but it does. I like old people, always have. And I guess I just hate that so many people underestimate them. It will never end, younger people treating older people like children. Doubting them, speaking down to them, assuming they are incapable. Just because a person doesn't know how to Skype does not mean they are either stupid or incompetent. It just means they don't know how to use something. You know what? I'm middle aged and I'm not sure I know how to Skype. Also, direct deposit is something that became a 'thing' in my lifetime, when I was just out of college. And I was a hold out. I didn't trust it so I got my hard copy checks and deposited them in the bank every other Friday until my power windows died and I got tired of having to stand outside of my car at the drive thru because the inside portion of the bank closed before I could get there. I was like 25 at the time.

So you know, don't be surprised by older people. Be impressed and in awe of their talent but don't be fucking surprised. Everything we do is based on what was created before. And some people keep in shape and stay active their entire lives so continue to do what they do.

But also, don't make excuses for your racist asshole older relatives. They are just assholes. 

House Keeping

I am coming to the end of my work day and I legit feel like I'm off after this. I'm not though. Head boss is letting everyone in my department work from home tomorrow and we'll be released early most likely (because we always are the day before a holiday) but I'll still have to get up early and work. And I'll be one of the few returning to the office come Thursday. But in just over 20 minutes this work day will be over and I feel such a sense of freedom and joy in that.

Maybe it is because I had my apartment professionally cleaned yesterday. I did this in November using a different company. I definitely got what I paid for but I wanted something a bit more thorough so thought I'd try out someone new. It wasn't terribly expensive (relatively speaking) and I am really pleased with the results this time. And, of course, I'm telling myself that I will keep on top of it so that I don't have to hire anyone again because who am I to hire other people to clean my apartment? I'm supposed to be budgeting my money and paying down my debt, not splashing out on self-indulgences. But honestly, I don't regret it. Maybe I did it because my actual birthday day didn't feel very special and I'm a child. Maybe I did it because I'm so bummed about everyone around me being on vacation when I'm not and I'm a child.

Actually, I think I did it because I decided to renew my lease for a full year. Well, SA helped with that decision by letting me know that he still isn't ready to live together. I'm not very upset about the living together thing because I'm not the biggest fan of his house and moving in with someone who has lived in the same place for twenty years makes it hard to ever feel like you are at home. That and I enjoy being on my own and taking a long bath and occasionally drinking too much and being a bit stupid on a weekend. But I feel like he still isn't fully committed to me and that is a bit hard. When I asked why he didn't want to live with me he just said he wasn't ready. I'm glad I thought to text about it rather than speak in person because I think a face to face conversation would have ended up as a referendum on all of my faults. No one wants to listen to that. So I get to pretend that he's just lazy and doesn't want to share his space or do all the work that it would take to move someone in.

Because it would, in fact, take a lot of work given the state of the place.

But, he did buy me the super expensive and slightly ostentatious nightstands. They were delivered yesterday, one of them damaged, and he had to get his nephew to come over to help because they were so heavy I couldn't move them into the house, up the stairs, and down the hall into the bedroom. They are 100+ pounds each so I don't feel too bad about that. I don't have a lot of upper body strength and I never will, it's just how I'm built. SA asked "just imagine if it was a dining room table or something" but I made it clear that if he ever bought furniture again, specifically for me, I would pay the $80 myself for in home delivery because it's definitely worth it. So he isn't ready to fully commit to me (my words/thoughts) but he did spend a lot of money on furniture he didn't necessarily want in order to make me happy.

I get ahead of myself a lot when it comes to my feelings/thoughts/wants. By that I mean that I don't think it through enough and I act before I've really gotten a good grasp on what exactly it is that I'm feeling. I know that sounds strange and it IS strange. It's also really irritating because I analyze and analyze but the answer doesn't come to me and I get anxious and upset and want to deal with it and end up talking before I'm ready which often turns into a fight or just makes me look high strung and ridiculous. But one thing I've learned during the duration of this relationship is to just step the eff back when this happens. So that's what I'm doing. I've processed my feelings about living together (and am pretty relieved that I'll be staying put at the same rate for another year) and am just trying to pin down whatever it is that is niggling at me. Until then, I've decided to just keep quiet about it.

I guess that is a reason to be grateful for the peer reviews and self-evaluation I have to write this week. I'm planning on doing them tomorrow, whilst at home, to distract myself (read: get myself out of my own damn head) and to just get them out of the way. I loathe self-evaluation time and the peer reviews are tricky in their own right. But they must be done and hopefully they will eat up a shortened work day. 

I am in a MOOD

I'm still pretty bitter about that three weeks of PTO that you know who is enjoying. I did eventually do some of my chores but there is still a lot to do around my apartment. I opted to do fuck all on Sunday and yesterday I did some of the minimum before going to SA's place.

That was a mistake. I hadn't slept very well Sunday so I should have just stayed home, done chores, and turned in early. Instead, I did some of my chores and then skipped off into the sunset. Sure I went to bed at my usual time - and slept extremely soundly for an hour before waking up to pee- but then I head to deal with an on-vacation-SA coming to bed super late, turning on the television (and not turning the volume down one jot), and canceling the timer. Which means I woke up whenever he came in, was awake because of the brightness and sound of the massive television, and awoke at 4:15, at which point I turned the damn thing off. I felt marginally less guilty about my obnoxious 6:30 alarm (as opposed to the two earlier alarms) blasting but I did still turn down the volume. And he didn't get up to walk me out so I did not disturb him too terribly.

Yesterday, The Russian jinxed us both by saying he thought it would be a fast week. So far it is a slow, very slow week and I'm over it already. I didn't think to make lunch so had a sandwich left over from Friday (tuna and cheese... the tuna had congealed) and my boss gave me a task that was just awful. I absolutely abhor being given things I don't know how to do and being given incorrect or confusing information. I feel dumb enough doing my every day job without a special investigatory assignment into shit I have no clue about. So that was fun. And then a lady who does god knows what asked me more questions about something that isn't even a project and she really should have been talking to account management so I got all panicky and asked my boss "what do I say?" It isn't that I don't want to be helpful, it's just that I am sometimes just the incorrect individual to go to and I hate being asked things that are above my pay-grade.

That and I'm just in a mood today. My cranky pants are firmly on and I need to remedy that ASAP. I think I'm going to SA's house again tonight (because I normally do on Tuesdays) so I have to work out after my shift, go home and do some clean up, shower, pack, give Bubbles a pill, and then head over there so that I can feel my resentment with the full glory of technicolor. (I could just stay home of course, but I am a creature of habit and usually do most of my chores on Wednesday).

Right, I've got three hours before my stupid work out so I'd better start finding ways to get back to my usual, chipper self. 

This Round's On Me

This has been an alcohol soaked weekend. Fortunately, I only feel tired without the rest of the awfulness of hangovers. Friday was my friend's retirement do and last night was another friend's holiday party. Poor SA agreed to go with me and he hates going out and the fact that 635 was down to one lane didn't help his attitude. He was legit that old guy bitching about traffic and how it never used to be this bad. But what luck! There were two people there who are into horses so he got to talk about his own and impress everyone with the fact that he breeds Andalusians. I was dressed in my best imitation of Audrey, knowing that I was overdressed and not caring because I never go out. And my friend and his husband totally appreciated it. The only bad part was that I did not try my dress on earlier and so didn't know it was a bit tight. Stupid weight gain.*

SA is on PTO for the next three weeks so The Russian and I both hate him due to our immense jealousy. I don't typically go out often, as mentioned above, and all this socializing I've been doing has worn me out. I would love to be able to take the next three weeks off in order to recover. But no, no three week vacation for this sad peasant, although I think I'll borrow against my PTO so I can take the two days after Christmas off to go along with the two days before the new year. Not only do I have to go into the office tomorrow, I should really be spending today cleaning my wrecked apartment. Seriously, how on earth do I let things get out of hand? I spend three days a week at someone else's house for pity's sake. But I've been buying things off of Amazon (because I'm terrible with money and don't like having any) and apparently I open the packages and leave the packing material everywhere. And because I live on the third floor, taking out my trash is a pain in the dick so I have left over steak on a plate in my refrigerator because I've not thrown it out yet. That is how disgusting I've become and now that I've typed it out, I feel sufficiently guilty to take care of this shit.

I've already gone to the store twice today so at least I don't have errands. I stopped to get juice on my way home and, upon getting home, found my Chewy order had arrived. Bubbles continues to over-groom and I know Teddy stresses her out. I mentioned it to one of my bosses and she asked her friend who knows all about cats and gave me a recommendation. So I now have a small bottle of pills called Zylkene. I wanted to start this immediately so I had to go back to the store to get spray cheese. I was honestly embarrassed about buying that for some reason. I felt weird enough trying to find it in the first place because what aisle would have spray cheese? I wandered down the cookie and crackers section and there was a little display of it so hey presto. Got home and put a pill in my hand and sprayed cheese all over it. I mean, why use a bowl or plate when you can just sit like a doofus whilst your cat licks neon goo off your hand?

I am really really hoping this works. If it doesn't, I will take another trip to the vet and hand over $170 for blood work before we can put her on anxiety medication. It's $170 because she is considered a "senior" now. I just want her to stop licking herself so much that she has bald spots and hairballs all over my effing quilt.

Sigh. Think I'll pour myself a glass of champagne as a hair of the dog and then tackle this pig's sty. 

Making Room

Oh boy. I fell off the wagon last night and so not only did I have a bit too much wine and not only did I stay up rather later than I should have, I also smoked a bunch so I feel like dirt at the moment. I'm sure I'll be better by noon as I'm really good about chugging water, but right now I'm just thankful I don't have anything to do and am praying I am not assigned anything. Not today, work gods, please, just not today. 

I spoke with SA last night but the conversation was very different than I thought it would be when I posted yesterday. I'd thought about it all day and realized that he wouldn't have any input about when I might move in because he doesn't know if I'll move in. He's alluded to the need to know what it would be like to live together and it finally hit me yesterday afternoon - after over 2.5 years of dating - what he means. So when I spoke with him last night, I told him that while I think I know what it would be like to live with him since we spend all of our time at his place, he doesn't know what it would be like to live with me. I also told him that I had two ideas about that, both of them unpleasant in their own way, and stated that I was open to suggestions. 

Idea One - We spend more time at my place so that he can see me in my natural habitat. This would include weekends so that he could get a sense of how I live. This is one of the least appealing things ever for both of us. He doesn't want to spend time in my comparatively small apartment where he has nothing to do and my television is too small and I don't want him all up in my space. 

Idea Two - He spend 30 - 60 minutes with me going through his kitchen to determine what could be gotten rid of or rehomed. He hates cleaning or anything chore related so this is unpleasant but it would only be momentary, unlike idea one. 

I didn't phrase Two very well and so it just sounded like I wanted to throw out his stuff and he gave me hell (jokingly) about it. I'm not looking to get rid of all of his stuff but there are things in there that I know for a fact he does not use and probably has not touched in the entirety of our relationship and beyond. But he seems to be on board and hopefully we'll do that this weekend. 

Wait, what does the kitchen have to do with the topic of living together? Well, it would help me feel like a part of the place and it would make me more comfortable in some ways. For instance, he has a long bench seat thing under the window. It is presently covered in junk that I have never seen him touch. If we could clear it off and clean it, I could sit there and read my book and drink coffee on weekend mornings when I wake up before him. Also, I would feel more comfortable about having my own food and cooking food. Not just because there would be more space, but because I would have some control (I've told him that if we lived together I would take over the maintenance of his kitchen because he is not a tidy person). Finally, I am old and realized that one of the things I do as part of my daily routine, one of the things I seemingly enjoy, is chores. Ugh. Not "let's scrub the bathroom!" chores, but just little things. When I get home from work, I feed my animals, clean out the litter box, and then, invariably, do some tidying in my kitchen or living room. I don't know why, I just do. And it helps me start to decompress. If I lived with SA, I would still do that and the kitchen is the best place for it. 

So, again, he is kind of on board so we'll see how it goes. And I promise, I'm not looking to just trash his stuff. But he has empty plastic containers (the kind you store flour and spaghetti in) that he does not use that are grimy with dust. In fact, one of them has coffee beans in it and he doesn't drink coffee so this is left over from his ex girlfriend who moved out like seven years ago. When he was jokingly yelling at me about it, he asked "why do you have to carve out a piece of my life and throw out my stuff?" I told him "I'm trying to make room for me." And that's what it is. I really hope we do it this weekend just to get it over with and so that we can get this experiment going. 

For now, I am going to refill my water bottle, continue praying that I do not get any work, and surf the net until I leave for the retirement party where a hair of the dog shall be taken. Wish me luck (and hydration). 

Sinking to the Oldies

So this is old age. I have evidently forgotten to cook steak even though I had recently gotten really good at it. As well as the attempt I made the other day that resulted in my dining on three-day old pizza and cheesy bread, I tried again on Wednesday. Things I learned:

1. I should never have gone on the internet but just kept making steak the way I used to.
2. My vent fan does not work worth a damn.

For real. I turned on the fan as soon as I turned on the heat for the grill pan. After 20 minutes my apartment was incredibly hazy even with a window and the door to my balcony open. Leasing is going to love me when I put in my service request seeing as they don't get enough of those from me. On the bright side, I think the steak was decent. I say "think" because I charred the hell out of it and put a ton of spice on it. It was, admittedly, a bit rarer than I like but it was edible so I ate it. 

In other fun news, I found out Wednesday morning that a friend and former manager of mine has passed away. It happened on my birthday actually. She was a really awesome woman, excellent at what she did, whip smart, hilarious, and utterly devoted to her family. She was 72. Then, that afternoon, I found out that a friend at work was fired. Not a fantastic day for news about colleagues current and former. 

But it isn't all doom and gloom my friends! This week has been quite busy. I was treated to lunch on Monday by The Russian. We went to Shake Shack and stuffed ourselves with burgers and fries. On Tuesday, my friend Y brought me a birthday latte from Starbucks. This was appreciated two-fold. For one, who doesn't enjoy a free latte(beverage of choice)? And for two, I missed out on my actual free treat from Starbucks because I was told I needed to have the bar code when I wanted to redeem the offer and I didn't have my phone when I was at a Starbucks on the day and then, found that my offer email didn't even have a bar code and that it really was an "on the day only" offer. Wednesday The Russian organized a lunch with other friends to continue celebrating yours truly, which was incredibly lovely, especially on a day with such rotten news. 

Friday I have a retirement happy hour to attend and on Saturday I'm going to a Schnauzers and Drag Queens Holiday Event at my friend Goop's place. I've asked SA to the latter and he agreed to go when I confirmed that no one was going to be dressing up as either a schnauzer or drag queen (while I didn't want to dress up, I was a bit disappointed to find out that others weren't either.) This is one hell of a week for socializing and I won't be doing any more of it until well into the new year. 

Very brief progress report: didn't exercise this Wednesday simply because I did not want to. I did, however, stop at the store after work and picked up travel size bottles of shampoo, conditioner, face wash, shave cream, and moisturizer. You know, for when I do work out and shower at the gym afterwards. Pretend goal is to work out on Friday, after work and before happy hour since HH is at 4:30 and I finish at 3:00 on a Friday. Realistic prediction is that I end up going in late and work until 4:00 before heading on over for drinks and For She's a Jolly Good Fellow. I did see that the gym at work has a barre class on Mondays now and I was thinking of joining that. Woof. 

But, as the seesaw nature of this post demands, there is some positive as well; I still haven't had a cigarette. I was with SA on Tuesday and felt a bit irritable and wanted one but I persevered and was quite pleased with myself when I woke up the next morning knowing I hadn't succumbed. Tonight will be a real test. Not only will I be at SA's again, him smoking away, but I have to start a Difficult Conversation. He knows I got my lease renewal notice on Tuesday and today I am going to start the conversation of "what do you think about the idea of us living together?" April will be three years that we've been seeing one another and I just need to know if he envisions us living together by the summer so that we can make moves now to organize our time together to get a better idea of what that would look like. If he does not see us living together in the next calendar year I need to a) check the 12 months box on the renewal form and b) begin seriously thinking about this relationship because unless he is OK with changing how we see one another (read: split time evenly between my place and his), I do not see how it will be sustainable. If I didn't have so many GD animals, it would be a different story but I do have to so many GD animals.

I am perfectly OK staying in my apartment for many reasons but I am not OK with the idea of feeling like I'm in a casual relationship. No one wants to feel like their fella is committed simply because his needs are being met and he is too lazy to look for something better. I'm sincerely hoping that those ridiculously expensive nightstands are a good omen (but that I sign on to stay where I am for nine months rather than six or twelve). Shall let you know.

Simply Pizza - A Recipe

This is a tasty recipe requiring only a handful of ingredients. It is, however, surprisingly involved and labor intensive.

Ingredients

• Butter or margarine 
• 1 steak, any variety, preferably a thicker cut
• Smoked jalapeno apple-wood seasoning, to taste
• Pepper, to taste
• 2 slices 3-day old pizza, left in box in the oven
• 3 slices 3-day old cheesy bread, left in box in the oven (optional)
• Bottle red wine of any variety (a simple red blend will do)

Directions

• Open wine to decant
• Begin with steak that has been set out for 30 minutes to come to room temperature. (If you have cats, place the steak, uncovered, on a chopping board and shove it in the oven where said cats cannot get at it)
• Add butter/margarine to a medium sauce pan and set over medium high heat
• Whilst butter/margarine heats up/melts, pat steak with paper towels to soak up any moisture
• Season meat to taste
• Once butter/margarine is liquid and bubbling, add the steak. Heat for 4 minutes
• Pour a glass of wine and have a sip
• Flip steak and heat for 4 minutes
• Add butter/margarine whenever you think there is a risk of the pan drying out
• Once both sides have cooked, remove steak to plate and cut open
• See that steak is essentially still raw on the inside and add back to the pan and heat for 2 minutes 
• Take a sip of wine
• Flip steak and cook for 2 minutes
• While steak cooks, turn away from the stove to pick up your phone
• Notice that, despite having the vent fan running, apartment appears a bit hazy
• Open a window or door wide enough to allow smoke - but not cats - to escape
• Take a sip of wine
• Remove steak from pan and cut open
• Find inside still far too red
• Place steak back into pan and heat for 3 minutes
• Get fed up and remove pan from stove, turning burner off
• Take a sip of wine
• Remove sheet pan, pizza box, and, if using, cheesy bread box* from oven 
• Set oven to 350 or as close as possible based on the sensitivity of the stupid knob that makes it so you are probably going to be heating to 340 or 335 or something ridiculous
• Place steak in sink and rinse with cold water
• Place cold, wet, under-cooked steak into a plastic carrier bag, tie off, and place in kitchen trash
• Place kitchen trash outside front door**
• Pour a second glass of wine
• When oven has successfully preheated, place pizza slices and cheesy bread on sheet pan
• Place pan in oven and set timer for 5 minutes
• Remove from oven and serve immediately, fruitlessly blowing on food to try and cool it down so that you can just shove it into your face already

*Even if you aren't using the cheesy bread, still remove the box from the oven, obvs.

**Forget that rain is forecast and leave the bag by the front door until the following morning when you will then carry a soaking wet bag of garbage to the dumpster on your way to work.

Happy (Personal) New Year!

Sunday, December 8, was my birthday and I turned 39. Am I panicky about barreling towards 40? No, but I'm a bit bummed because I always think of how great my thirties have been. Nothing against my twenties, I just insist I really enjoyed my thirties, regardless of some of the more difficult things that happened and upon which we will not dwell.

The day itself was so low key as to not really even feel like a birthday. SA (yep, Spanish Andy and I are still together) and I ran some errands, I read a book whilst he played "Red Dead Redeemer"*, I took a random nap at 7pm, and we watched Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade whilst eating turkey and stuffing. Not very memorable, eh? In all fairness, I'm pretty sure if there was anything I'd wanted to do to make it special, SA would have been more than willing to do it. And we'd basically celebrated about two weeks ago when he took me to see A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (needed wayyy more Mr. Rogers) and then ended up buying me a stack of books at Half Price Books. Yeah, I'm high maintenance and demanding like that. He also recently bought these fairly expensive night stands that will be delivered after Christmas so I felt like I couldn't ask for more.**

I've decided to make a few changes in my life this year, treating it like I normally treat NYE only hoping to be more successful than I have been with past resolutions (why I think I'll be more successful by starting a few weeks early I do not know). Nothing major. I'd like to be better about working out and even added a third day to my schedule (began that last week so no progress to track quite yet). Lockers and laundry service were being sold for half price if you took a bottom one so I snatched one up to make it a bit easier on myself. Now, rather than having to schlep my gym crap to and from work, I can store extra clothes there and, if I really get my shit together, shower at the gym and leave my dirty clothes behind to be washed, folded, and placed, lovingly, back in the locker. It sounds ridiculous but this is very attractive to me. 

I'd also like to clean up my eating but I doubt that is going to happen so I'm not putting it on the list. Other than that, just be more responsible and grown up and quit smoking. I haven't had a cigarette since Saturday! Weeeeee! Of course, as I write this, it is only Monday early evening so maybe I should hold off on the celebrating until I've got a week or a month under my belt. As to being more responsible and grown up, I feel like I definitely deserve a star for my chore chart today. After work I stopped to pick up my dry cleaning (that sounds so grown up, doesn't it? This is the first time in my memory that I've ever had anything dry cleaned [just a winter coat in desperate need]) and stopped at the leasing office to pick up a parcel and got my mail.

That means I also had to haul my work bag, my overnight bag, the parcel, the mail, and the dry cleaning up the three flights of stairs to my apartment when I was finally done. I know, I'm amazing. So amazing that I immediately put things away, fed animals, threw my quilt in the washer after removing ALL the hairballs that Bubbles lovingly decorated it with, and began cleaning out the litter box before giving a thought to my own comfort or desire to sit down and decompress. Teddy Bear, who is new to this blog for anyone who might stumble across it after my 2+ year absence, graciously climbed into the litter box and actively began crapping as I was scooping the rest. ***Seriously, bro? I had to just stand up and wait for him to finish and then go through his weird dance of covering it up. This includes him using his front right paw to cover, then turning around and using his non-existent front left paw, then turning ninety degrees and repeating the process. As fun as it is to see his left shoulder working because the poor dummy doesn't realize he no longer has that leg (amputated about six months ago, a month or two before he came to live with me) cat shit is ridiculously malodorous and I was standing there with a bag of it already and just wanted to get a move on.

There are a few other things I need to take care of, like sorting out the rest of the laundry I want to do and sweeping and vacuuming, the most Sisyphean of chores. But I thought I'd treat myself to a nice cup of coffee (Starbucks Blond Verdana blend with enough half and half to give it a dark beige color) and open the more pressing of mail items (the parcel is my Book of the Month Club book because I'm totally not a nerd who listens to the radio on weekends and belongs to a book of the month club) and consider browsing Amazon since the most pressing of mail items was a gift card. But now, feeling a bit rested, I think I'll plow on. I'm going to try to keep up with this. Over the weekend I randomly looked up an old blog that I used to follow and thought, meh, why not dust off my crappy blog and maybe use it to keep track of any progress I might make?  If nothing else, it might give me something to do on slow work days (for which I am grateful because this time of year I am happy when I have fuck all to do at work).

Ta for now.

*I may have the name of it wrong but I am pretty sure it is Red Dead Redeemer. Or is it Redemption? It's probably Redemption. Something I learned fairly quickly when SA and I started seeing one another regularly is that homie is a gamer. Big time. I wonder if I mentioned this back in April of 2017? I'm not even going to check because I'm too exhausted from being responsible and grown up. But yeah, huge gamer. So, back when we were just getting to know one another, I sat and thought to myself "will I be OK if this is my life?" By that I meant, will I be happy to sit in a chair next to him reading my book while he spends hours and hours playing video games? And honestly, yeah, I will. I mean, I'll go up to his bedroom when the chair starts making my legs hurt but reading is my very favorite thing to do so it's nice to be able to just sit and do that but still spend time with him. And twice now I've actually started playing games with him ("Ark" and "World of Warcraft Classic"). 

**I started out using a stool for a nightstand at his place and later, upgraded it to two stools. But I asked him ages and ages ago if we could get a proper piece of furniture and he hemmed and hawed and I was disheartened and tuned him out about his reasoning and just figured, nope, not going to happen. I just wanted something from Ikea or Wal-mart that could hold books, a lamp, my glasses, and a beverage without it feeling somewhat precarious. He ended up purchasing these marble top affairs with cubby space and a secret drawer. 

***Because - new found responsibility and grownupness aside - I am lazy and not a blogger and have always been bad at this anyway, it will be fun to see if I remember the names I used for people. I probably won't so I'll just give the back story for anyone I mention. I only remember SA because that was the last thing I evidently blogged about so it appeared when I pulled this tripe back up.