Oh boy. I fell off the wagon last night and so not only did I have a bit too much wine and not only did I stay up rather later than I should have, I also smoked a bunch so I feel like dirt at the moment. I'm sure I'll be better by noon as I'm really good about chugging water, but right now I'm just thankful I don't have anything to do and am praying I am not assigned anything. Not today, work gods, please, just not today.
I spoke with SA last night but the conversation was very different than I thought it would be when I posted yesterday. I'd thought about it all day and realized that he wouldn't have any input about when I might move in because he doesn't know if I'll move in. He's alluded to the need to know what it would be like to live together and it finally hit me yesterday afternoon - after over 2.5 years of dating - what he means. So when I spoke with him last night, I told him that while I think I know what it would be like to live with him since we spend all of our time at his place, he doesn't know what it would be like to live with me. I also told him that I had two ideas about that, both of them unpleasant in their own way, and stated that I was open to suggestions.
Idea One - We spend more time at my place so that he can see me in my natural habitat. This would include weekends so that he could get a sense of how I live. This is one of the least appealing things ever for both of us. He doesn't want to spend time in my comparatively small apartment where he has nothing to do and my television is too small and I don't want him all up in my space.
Idea Two - He spend 30 - 60 minutes with me going through his kitchen to determine what could be gotten rid of or rehomed. He hates cleaning or anything chore related so this is unpleasant but it would only be momentary, unlike idea one.
I didn't phrase Two very well and so it just sounded like I wanted to throw out his stuff and he gave me hell (jokingly) about it. I'm not looking to get rid of all of his stuff but there are things in there that I know for a fact he does not use and probably has not touched in the entirety of our relationship and beyond. But he seems to be on board and hopefully we'll do that this weekend.
Wait, what does the kitchen have to do with the topic of living together? Well, it would help me feel like a part of the place and it would make me more comfortable in some ways. For instance, he has a long bench seat thing under the window. It is presently covered in junk that I have never seen him touch. If we could clear it off and clean it, I could sit there and read my book and drink coffee on weekend mornings when I wake up before him. Also, I would feel more comfortable about having my own food and cooking food. Not just because there would be more space, but because I would have some control (I've told him that if we lived together I would take over the maintenance of his kitchen because he is not a tidy person). Finally, I am old and realized that one of the things I do as part of my daily routine, one of the things I seemingly enjoy, is chores. Ugh. Not "let's scrub the bathroom!" chores, but just little things. When I get home from work, I feed my animals, clean out the litter box, and then, invariably, do some tidying in my kitchen or living room. I don't know why, I just do. And it helps me start to decompress. If I lived with SA, I would still do that and the kitchen is the best place for it.
So, again, he is kind of on board so we'll see how it goes. And I promise, I'm not looking to just trash his stuff. But he has empty plastic containers (the kind you store flour and spaghetti in) that he does not use that are grimy with dust. In fact, one of them has coffee beans in it and he doesn't drink coffee so this is left over from his ex girlfriend who moved out like seven years ago. When he was jokingly yelling at me about it, he asked "why do you have to carve out a piece of my life and throw out my stuff?" I told him "I'm trying to make room for me." And that's what it is. I really hope we do it this weekend just to get it over with and so that we can get this experiment going.
For now, I am going to refill my water bottle, continue praying that I do not get any work, and surf the net until I leave for the retirement party where a hair of the dog shall be taken. Wish me luck (and hydration).
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