Ragey Before 6 in the Morning

Oh for fuck's sake. Remember how I JUST talked about how the Bat and I talked about the fact that I'm his girlfriend and not just some person in his house and it would be nice if he'd be nice to me and then he took me on a picnic? I shit you not when I say he was a dick before 6 a.m. this morning.

We were laying in bed, cuddling, as we were trying to get as much as we could out of those last twenty minutes before we absolutely had to get out of bed. I made a comment about how he really likes part of my body because he's particularly fondly with it (head north, not south) in the a.m. I was just musing out loud, not fishing for compliments or anything, but the fucker said "no." And he said it in such a way that it took me a few seconds to realize that he wasn't serious but was just being a dick.

What the fuck? He rarely says nice things to me, he never compliments me, and now, apparently, he is going to go out of his way to be a dick for no reason? Our conversation as I was leaving went like this:

Him: "You aren't going to give me a kiss?"
Me: "No. You're a dick."
Him: "I know."
Me: "I'm not rewarding dickish behavior."

So now I'm annoyed and feel like an idiot but am also really frustrated because throw me a fucking bone mother fucker. I can handle the fact - no, I have been handling the fact - that he isn't romantic, doesn't pay compliments, and doesn't often say nice things. But to be a dick like that at roughly 5:45 a.m. is just unacceptable.

Why do I feel like an idiot? Because this whole thing irritates me to the point of considering passive aggressive behavior along the lines of "well fine, I'm not doing shit for the guy anymore" or "when I get home I'm holing up in my room and he can go fuck himself." And that isn't who I am at all. I hate that shit. So, as I said, annoyed and feeling like an idiot.

Fucking boys, dude.

Bitching, Musing, Moving

Traffic
What the fuck is up with you, Dallas? I know you've always sucked when it comes to my commute, and I know it isn't your fault that I have to drive 37 miles, but seriously, what is going on? Twice in the last week (going back to late last week), it has taken me a minimum of two hours to get to the office. On Monday it was due to an accident that had closed all lanes of traffic on I-30 West. It was in an area west of my exit but I had to deal with the fall out. Last week (Friday? Thursday?) it was because of fucking rubber neckers. I don't care how many people want to tell me that rubber neckers are absurd everywhere; the ones in the Dallas area (specifically around the mix master) are the absolute worst I've ever come across. Even today it took me just shy of 90 minutes to make it in, and that felt a bit like a triumph.

Yes, I know I should leave earlier but it is hard when your boyfriend won't leave you alone. Or when it is cold in his room and oh so cozy in the bed. Or you rail against the idea of going to be promptly at 10:00 PM to go to sleep and not play when you are not a child and damn it, all you seem to do is drive to work, work, drive home, maybe do some chores, and then go to bed. But I guess I'll have to strap on my big girl panties (and perhaps a chastity belt) and just suck it up and start turning in earlier, with the help of some melotonin, in an effort to get out of the house earlier. Unfortunately, that won't help the commute home, especially if I have a 3PM meeting, as I do today. Grimace (the face, not the purple milk shake McDonald's character.

Oh, and why has KERA stopped with the traffic reports? Did they not raise enough in the last fundrive to keep Bruce Gunn on the payroll?

Things that Tickle Me or Irritate Me

• Irritate: The Affordable Health Care Act, especially regarding the government website. I get it. People were inconvenienced. Maybe trying to have millions of people (or however many) sign up for insurance on line wasn't the brightest idea. But calm the fuck down people. Websites crash and go down all the time and no one calls for blood. I haven't been to the website but I'm assuming it isn't some typepad template or anything. A lot of work goes into those things and even the best analysis will often leave things out. So yes, it sucked, it was inconvenient, and people grumbled. Can we be done talking about it? 
• Tickle: Any time the Russian Punk Band (I believe they are Russian, almost certain) Pussy Riot does something to make national headlines. Because I like to hear really professional sounding newscasters say "Pussy Riot". Heh. 
• Irritate: Being volunteered for shit, especially if it includes driving. I'm looking at the Bat on this one. I took his kid and her friend to get their nails done on Sunday as a Christmas present and he said "and then you'll take them to their Drill Team party." I believe I said things like "I hate this family" and "it's because at my age single guys either have or want kids." You know, I was gracious. Later in the evening I told him it was disrespectful to volunteer my time/services and to just ask. I might grumble but I'll probably do it. It wouldn't have bugged me as much if he hadn't done this before and if he didn't know exactly how much I fucking hate driving. He said "OK."
• Tickle: Read my Facebook status that says something like "2 hour commute this morning, 3PM meeting this afternoon, which means a long commute home. No wine in the house and all I want is a hot bath and some wine" and then, when I get out of said bath, be found washing my wine glass and opening a bottle of white that you ran out to purchase after I said "I'm taking a bath" and stomped out of the room. Once again, I'm looking at the Bat, who did this for me on Monday. I'd apologized for being all stompy and explained that it was just because I was in one of those moods where I shouldn't be around people. He said he totally understood but thought he'd run out and get some beer and me a bottle of wine (two actually) anyway. 

Other News

It has been three months, exactly, since the Bat and I started dating. I've given my 60 days notice to my apartment complex and over the next two months will be moving into the Bat Cave officially. The Bat and I have to write up a rental agreement and I have to move stuff (blergh) but yep. I know, seems fast, doesn't it? Maybe this is when he'll murder me in my sleep after the Monkey accidentally slips and tells me that she was kidnapped by him four years ago from a woman he dated and killed, disposing of her body in the garden in the backyard. Or maybe he'll steal my identity and buy all the luxurious fancy items he covets like a doggy door or tiller wheels. Or maybe I'll find out that his family has a tradition of every male sharing the women and I'll be expected to take part in some weird, slightly incestuous feeling orgy with his brothers, cousins, uncles, and father. God, I hope not. And Christmas is right around the corner, which means family get together so I think I'll def have to skip that, as planned. 

I don't think those things will happen though. I think, instead, things will carry on much as they are only I'll have all my shit in one place without having a very expensive storage unit in Mesquite that I visit on the reg. But if there is any subtle suggestion of an orgy, I'll write to my leasing office and let them know that I changed my mind and that I actually do like them better than the boyfriend. 

I win... because everyone is a participant

Not really killing it at being a grownup. Yesterday was a crap day at work and I knew I had to do the following afterwards:

1. Go to the pet store
2. Go to the people store
3. Go home to get some pills/check mail
4. Take the Bat to the mechanic to drop off a car
5. Clean Johan's cage

As previously stated, I despise doing anything after work that isn't sitting around with a beer or glass of wine. Stopping home wasn't a huge deal because it is on the way but the rest of it was annoying and time consuming and I just get really tired of driving. Which is why the Bat pissed me off so bad. 

We were at the mechanic's place when he informed me that we were also going to stop at Target so that Monkey could look for tights and a tutu (I don't know, something to do with Halloween I think). I just looked at him and he laughed at me. I think my utter silence (save for when I told him to shut up, then apologized for being bitchy but I DO NOT WANT TO TALK RIGHT NOW) and death grip on the steering wheel eventually told him that I was annoyed. 

No, stopping at Target wasn't that big of a deal but please do not volunteer me for anything. EVER. Especially not when it means being in my car for longer. I'm not really sure why he thought it wouldn't be problematic. Dude drives a ton for work so he understands not wanting to drive anywhere afterwards. I guess he doesn't realize how much it irritates me because he doesn't have to drive through downtown Dallas, which is a soul suck. ----Quick aside, why are the KVIL morning traffic reporter chicks so fucking gleeful? Honestly, the one today almost giggled whilst saying "Not much has changed ... which is not good news for those traveling west on LBG highway 635!" But she and the other chick who is usually there, are just so damned happy about reporting on terrible traffic. I told Tits that I imagine them looking like the flying monkeys from the original Wizard of Oz just sitting in the studio gazing at the gridlock and omnishambles, doing the Mister Burns hands thing and laughing at us all because they got to work at 4:30 and never experience nightmare traffic. She commented that I'd put a lot of thought into it. I told her it's a long commute.----

Anyhow. After Target we all went back to the Bat Cave and the Bat and Monkey got into his car to go elsewhere while I went inside to clean the pig cage and take a shower and stomp around and pour myself the first of many glasses of wine. I stayed in the bedroom for a large part of the evening because I was not fit to be around humans and didn't want to snap at the Bat. Yes, he irritated the hell out of me, but I also knew it was something really small and petty and so I just wanted to decompress and chill out because even though I was irritated, I knew it had more to do with having a shitty day and not wanting to drive and blah blah than it did with anything terrible on his part. 

That's why I've made myself a ribbon. Yeah, it isn't that great, but then again, look what I am awarding it to myself for. Clearly I'm not putting that much effort into anything these days. 

Snobbery Lexiconery

One of the less pleasant aspects of my life in Texas is speech. OK, people have a tendency to think I'm stuck up when they first meet me regardless of my geographical location, but that is partly because I tend to be quiet in new environments. "What happened?!" Hardy har, to that old favorite stand by thrown at me by colleagues. Yes, I'm a chatter box and I'm a lot of fun, but initially I am really rather quiet just because I don't know anyone and don't know how to interact right away.

Then there is the language I use. Not the longshoreman's comfort and familiarity with such gems as "cunt" and "mother fucker" but my incredibly wide vocabulary. Hell, my url includes the word 'lexicon' so clearly I love me some words. But here in Texas I apparently sound like I'm trying to sound smart. That's what Murdoch said when I used the term "apropos" in a text message. You know why I use the word "apropos?" Because it is fucking efficient. My statement was "Apropos of nothing, I'm dressed like it is 1950." The only other way I can think of saying it is "Not that this has anything to do with what we were talking about but I am dressed like it is 1950." My version was much quicker.

The nature of my job means that I have to strip away a lot of my language and maintain a very dry, technical, informational, and pointedly detailed style. Apparently I have to do the same in casual conversations or I sound stuck up. That seems a bit unfair seeing as I majored in English and words are one of my few actual skills.

I told him that at least now I can feel more self conscious about how I speak (between the words I use and my accent, there is a lot of conversation) and his response was the very mature and understanding "Jesus. I said I'm sorry. Don't be dramatic." But it is unsettling to know that people assume, for no real reason, that you are trying to sound smart or going out of your way to drop 50 cent words when it's just habitual. I've said it before, Teacher is the only one who doesn't give me a hard time about it. He just accepts it. I spent a lot of my childhood reading and taking vocabulary lessons and words just stuck with me. Now I get to be made to feel foolish and/or pretentious for them. And I'm dramatic if I get irritated that my boyfriend of all people judges me for how I speak and assumes I'm putting on a show rather than doing what comes naturally to me.

You know what word I really wanted to use in this post? Taciturn. I wanted to say "I have a tendency to be a bit taciturn in new situations at first" but I honestly do feel really self conscious now.

10 Wasted Minutes

She happily began her work day, feeling positive and empowered, willing to take on the world as though she and all the elements were one and she had only to wave her fingers or dangle an ankle to make wondrous things occur.

But then she regretted not meditating that morning, choosing to sleep in instead. The meditation helps the girl get out of her brain for a bit and things take on a new perspective. She’d planned on sitting for twenty minutes, iPod on, listening to a guided meditation to make her feel good, calm, empowered, at peace.

Instead, she slept in. Ghost Boy infiltrated her thoughts more than inner peace and tranquility. She was haunted. And that sucked.

Then it got even better when the girl’s boss and a colleague started asking her, yet again, to do things she had no clue about. She was given a set of crayons and asked to build a CB radio. People all around her were giving her difficult tasks beyond her scope.

So she turned on Radiolab and popped a Klonopin and just chilled to get through the rest of her day. The monsters and assholes will just have to wait. She’s busy.