Things are going well since the break up. Saturday was spent drinking mimosas and watching movies on TV. We took a nap and then went out for more mimosa supplies and movies. Two of them were interesting, Anna and Afflicted. I don't think either of recovered from the nap however, and we were both extremely tired all evening and wen to bed at a decent hour. The Bat evidently had trouble getting comfortable and ended up sleeping with his head at the foot of the bed. I found this out when I woke up from a nightmare, went for a pee, and scared myself thinking there was someone behind me when there wasn't. I was scared so I was looking for him when I heard his voice say "come snuggle with me". I was pretty relieved as I hate nightmares but sometimes can't help but keep thinking about them when I wake up (I was working in a prison and I was afraid that one or two of the inmates, who never seemed to be locked up, might go off... and other stuff but you know what dreams are).
So things basically haven't changed as we've pretty much been roommates with benefits for the entirety of our relationship. I've talked to people about breaking it off as early as April, I believe, when a whole gang of us went out to a bar and I asked a friend I met through the Bat if she'd still be my friend if I broke up with him. I told trucker last time we went camping. So I've been thinking about ending things for ages but needed to save money and get everything straight. I felt guilty about it because I felt I was using him but he was using me as well.
I will say, however, that I do not handle failure well so I'm not 100% at peace. I made the right decision and this relationship wasn't going anywhere but still, I hate failure.
I feel better in almost every way now that it's all out. I did forty minute of yoga this afternoon and despite our all day mimosa fest, I'm less interested in drinking with anything less than moderation. That's something that I apparently do when I'm unhappy but don't feel I can say anything; I drink a lot, way more than I should and get into embarrassing situations. Now I just feel like focusing on all the work I have ahead of me. I even went out and was working on another go through of my car to get rid of random trash. Unfortunately, at one point, I saw he back of a large, brown bug clamor down between the seat and the door on the back driver's side. I texted the Bat about it (he and Monkey are spending the afternoon/evening in McKinney I think) and his response was "lol. Catch it." Right. I was so traumatized from seeing a dried up corpse of a giant cockroach at the library that I've not gone back. No, instead, I slammed the door, marched inside, texted the Bat, and poured a glass of left over champagne (well, I also cleaned the cat box but it sounds much more dramatic if I leave that part out.) The Bat has promised to help me with my car so when they get back, he's going to haul out the shop vac and help me vacuum. We'd better find that god damn bug or I'll be paranoid for the rest of the time that I drive the thing.
Remember when I found that dead rat in the backyard and was convinced that the yard was riddled with rat corpses or live rats? Well my car is now infested with massive insects who want to get into my nose, ears, eyes, and mouth. We may just have to burn the car in the end.
The Bat and I also did a bit of cleaning this morning, before Monkey got home from her sleepover. I started to pick up around the living room and the Bat joined in, sweeping up (vacuuming) the bedroom and living room whilst I threw in a load of laundry and straightened up the cushions. I put away a few jackets and linen into a large box that I've already packed blankets and things in. I've also continued to condense my belongings into certain spaces, my kitchen things in the corner I use for coffee and tea and in my allocated cabinet, random items in my room. I am trying to make things as streamlined and as easy as possible since I'll be moving again. Once I get my mother's car, I can begin looking for apartments in earnest so that I can get out as quickly as possible. Obviously the Bat and I don't hate one another but regardless of our amicable arrangement at present, it's best all around that I get out.
Two more days of vacation. Maybe I'll get a tiny bit more of packing done. All I know is that I doubt I'll drive anywhere in my car until I feel certain that it is bug free. I'm going to take really good care of my mom's car and make sure it is kept clean on the inside so as not to invite future critters. Now, if only the Bat would get home so we can vacuum the shit out of my Saturn.
So things basically haven't changed as we've pretty much been roommates with benefits for the entirety of our relationship. I've talked to people about breaking it off as early as April, I believe, when a whole gang of us went out to a bar and I asked a friend I met through the Bat if she'd still be my friend if I broke up with him. I told trucker last time we went camping. So I've been thinking about ending things for ages but needed to save money and get everything straight. I felt guilty about it because I felt I was using him but he was using me as well.
I will say, however, that I do not handle failure well so I'm not 100% at peace. I made the right decision and this relationship wasn't going anywhere but still, I hate failure.
I feel better in almost every way now that it's all out. I did forty minute of yoga this afternoon and despite our all day mimosa fest, I'm less interested in drinking with anything less than moderation. That's something that I apparently do when I'm unhappy but don't feel I can say anything; I drink a lot, way more than I should and get into embarrassing situations. Now I just feel like focusing on all the work I have ahead of me. I even went out and was working on another go through of my car to get rid of random trash. Unfortunately, at one point, I saw he back of a large, brown bug clamor down between the seat and the door on the back driver's side. I texted the Bat about it (he and Monkey are spending the afternoon/evening in McKinney I think) and his response was "lol. Catch it." Right. I was so traumatized from seeing a dried up corpse of a giant cockroach at the library that I've not gone back. No, instead, I slammed the door, marched inside, texted the Bat, and poured a glass of left over champagne (well, I also cleaned the cat box but it sounds much more dramatic if I leave that part out.) The Bat has promised to help me with my car so when they get back, he's going to haul out the shop vac and help me vacuum. We'd better find that god damn bug or I'll be paranoid for the rest of the time that I drive the thing.
Remember when I found that dead rat in the backyard and was convinced that the yard was riddled with rat corpses or live rats? Well my car is now infested with massive insects who want to get into my nose, ears, eyes, and mouth. We may just have to burn the car in the end.
The Bat and I also did a bit of cleaning this morning, before Monkey got home from her sleepover. I started to pick up around the living room and the Bat joined in, sweeping up (vacuuming) the bedroom and living room whilst I threw in a load of laundry and straightened up the cushions. I put away a few jackets and linen into a large box that I've already packed blankets and things in. I've also continued to condense my belongings into certain spaces, my kitchen things in the corner I use for coffee and tea and in my allocated cabinet, random items in my room. I am trying to make things as streamlined and as easy as possible since I'll be moving again. Once I get my mother's car, I can begin looking for apartments in earnest so that I can get out as quickly as possible. Obviously the Bat and I don't hate one another but regardless of our amicable arrangement at present, it's best all around that I get out.
Two more days of vacation. Maybe I'll get a tiny bit more of packing done. All I know is that I doubt I'll drive anywhere in my car until I feel certain that it is bug free. I'm going to take really good care of my mom's car and make sure it is kept clean on the inside so as not to invite future critters. Now, if only the Bat would get home so we can vacuum the shit out of my Saturn.
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