My Car

I drive a 2000 Saturn SL1, did you know that? Well, if you know me in real life then yes, yes you do know that because I've driven the same car for the past eleven years. ELEVEN. I now, crazy right? Shouldn't I have gone through three or four by now? Nope, I still drive the second car I've ever owned (the first was a 90's Honda Accord). When I originally got Peanut (so named because that is what I found under the hood; my Honda was Cookie for the same reason), it only had 27,000 miles on it. Now, after eleven years how may do you think it has. Go ahead and guess, I'll wait ......
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To be honest, I don't know the exact number of hand but it is somewhere in the ballpark of 103K and change. Clearly I don't drive a lot, other than my present commute. When I was married, I did all the driving until J got a car but when we lived in DE, he usually preferred to drive and I've never driven very far on a regular basis. Also, every boyfriend I've had since my marriage has preferred to drive because everyone hates my car. I didn't even hit the 100K mark until I not only drove down to Texas but commuted back and forth to the office a few times.

Why did my boyfriends and ex-husband hate my car? Apparently it feels like you are driving a toy that is going to break any minute. When J broke his ankle one winter, I would alternate between my car and his Impala. When I drove the Impala I would feel like I was driving a tank or a boat on my way to work but would be acclimated by the time I got home. Next day I'd get into my Saturn and good lord they were all right. My car is made out of bird bones, pipe cleaners, and a wish. It also vibrates and rattles, though less now than it used to. But it is also very well maintained. Mechanics always say "you take real good care of this little car don't you?" To which I respond, "no, you guys do. I just show up."

To be honest, I love my little car, even if it does feel like a toy that is going to break and even though I've had to pour a lot of money into it over the years (then again, wouldn't any car need money when owned for this long?) It looks like hell too, by the way. Remember a couple of years ago when I got into an accident and had them paint it black because I didn't like the red? There are many places where the pain is pealing off so you can see that it was originally red (fun fact: Saturn apparently used a very particular type of paint so when having body work done, it is actually cheaper to repaint the entire thing than to just have the messed up parts painted. Or at least that is what that particular Maaco franchise told me. Keep in mind they also left an aerosol can on my exhaust manifold, something I discovered when I went to Jiffy Lube for an oil change). And remember a couple of years ago when I got into another accident (this is the more recent one)? There is a piece of my car hanging off over the wheel on the back passenger side. People generally notice it after having seen my car numerous times and then ask "when did that happen?" "A few Valentine's Days ago" I respond.

But again, I like my little car, a lot. I'm going to miss the hell out of it when I get a new one. But I am saving up for a new car and the Bat assured me I could find a small pickup truck or an SUV with a hitch for 3K so I've neared my goal. Moving was going to take a bite out of it but you know, life. And then Sunday happened, the day I went and saw that lovely apartment. Beginning that day, I started feeling something turn over or stutter when I accelerated, worse with the A/C on. So I took it to my local mechanic shop, Golden Rule, yesterday, because I can walk to it and go home and work. Unfortunately, they said it was a transmission issue and had to refer me elsewhere. They were nice though, and called the other shop that they always use and arranged that someone would come pick up my car because, as I told the GR dude, I couldn't walk home from that other place.

I haven't heard from the transmission shop and I'm too chicken shit to call because I don't want to know. Transmission issues are always expensive, aren't they? And they don't even make my car anymore so that might add into it. The is a chance I'm going to have to forgo fixing my car and find a "new" one, hopefully one without a huge monthly payment.

So yeah, huge wrench in my fucking plans to either buy a new car or move out. But I'll tell you what, I don't know if it is the medication(s) or I'm used to it at this point, or I've just matured or what but I haven't freaked out about it yet. I haven't fallen into a heap crying over it like I used to. Instead, I just have a knot in my stomach, feeling so much dread as I wait for the call. That and I'm going nuts with cabin fever because I can't fucking go anywhere and have been working from home.  But I know that I'll figure something out no matter what so I guess I'm just maturing a little bit. I still have moments where I'm amazed that I'm an adult who has a job with benefits and a 401K and it's moments like this when I'm both grateful for that (the being an adult part) but also feel like a phony because I want to scream " I don't know what to do! Help me!"

Instead, I just keep my phone on me at all times and hope for the best whilst expecting the worst. Wish me luck friends.