I had coffee with my male kin twin yesterday. I initiated it because it bothered me that the bulk of our friendship has been email based and I started to feel like a 14 year old boy who whose good friends were all made through online gaming. We don't chat much in the office because he is super busy and I have my cubicle set up in such a way to not invite intimate tete a tetes. I may be talkative and social, but I need my space. Plus, we talk about some personal stuff that isn't appropriate for eaves dropping and if I routinely went into his office and closed the door, like I do my old boss, people would start to talk (that's fine for me but I'm not about to let a friend become gossip fodder.)
So we met up at Starbucks (the first time he has ever been in one; seriously, kid is older than me by quite a few years and needed me to hold his hand and suggest a drink and explain that medium is grande in Starbucks language. Not his fault... I'm pretty sure it has been a week since he left Amish Country). We ended up staying for four hours, swapping office bullshit, telling stories, and talking a bit about my situation with J. Kin Twin has laid very good odds on the outcome and has wagered $100 that we'll get back together in less than six months.
It was very nice and didn't feel at all like four hours, but I knew I'd have to tell J. I didn't that night, waiting instead to tell him today at lunch. I knew he'd be upset but I need him to get his head around the idea that I can have male friends, just as he has female friends. I told him that I was really grateful that he had N, his close female friend, and that the reason I bring her up isn't because I'm jealous but because I'm trying to make him understand that his jealousy and anger regarding KT is unfair, as well as irrational. And I let him know that the reason I was telling him was because it would have caused more problems if I'd held my tongue. He admitted that if he'd some how found out in another way, he'd have just speculated and thought the worst.
This all happened at an odd time. Last week, SB (former boss), asked me for my address so that she can send an invitation for her daughter's wedding reception. Knowing my current situation, she tactfully told me that it would be an invitation for plus 1. I emailed J and let him know and told him I was extending a courtesy invite. Even if we were together and things were fine, he wouldn't want to go. There will be a handful of work people there so I'll have people to talk to but the rest will be strangers. J would be there and bored out of his mind. But it would have been wrong to not invite him. He responded that he appreciated it but it wasn't his thing... unless I was going to go with KT instead or KT was going to be there, in which he would totally be there. I sent him a nasty email telling him that he was disinvited and that he had lost the right to know who I would be going with. I also asked him how N's pussy was and asked if it was difficult having her live so far away. After all, according to J, the only reason to have good friendships with girls if you are a guy is because you want to fuck her. I told him that just because he knows his jealousy is irrational, it doesn't mean I have to put up with it.
It wasn't the best way to deal with the situation, I admit that. But it has been seven years and if he thinks I'm the type to cheat, that is an insult. And if he thinks I'm so naive and stupid to accidentally suck someone's dick, well, that is an insult as well. And he an N are pretty tight and talk about relationship stuff. How is it anything but hypocritical to think I can't have a male friend?!?!
But my hanging out with KT on Saturday did, certainly, occur at a weird time. I'm just glad that J seemed to understand me when I explained it. He was very obviously upset, but he didn't say anything. Oh shit. J tried to fuck me and I turned him down because sex with him right now is uncomfortable to me. But I probably should have done it anyway, just so he wouldn't wonder.
Oy. Looks like I have an email to send.
So we met up at Starbucks (the first time he has ever been in one; seriously, kid is older than me by quite a few years and needed me to hold his hand and suggest a drink and explain that medium is grande in Starbucks language. Not his fault... I'm pretty sure it has been a week since he left Amish Country). We ended up staying for four hours, swapping office bullshit, telling stories, and talking a bit about my situation with J. Kin Twin has laid very good odds on the outcome and has wagered $100 that we'll get back together in less than six months.
It was very nice and didn't feel at all like four hours, but I knew I'd have to tell J. I didn't that night, waiting instead to tell him today at lunch. I knew he'd be upset but I need him to get his head around the idea that I can have male friends, just as he has female friends. I told him that I was really grateful that he had N, his close female friend, and that the reason I bring her up isn't because I'm jealous but because I'm trying to make him understand that his jealousy and anger regarding KT is unfair, as well as irrational. And I let him know that the reason I was telling him was because it would have caused more problems if I'd held my tongue. He admitted that if he'd some how found out in another way, he'd have just speculated and thought the worst.
This all happened at an odd time. Last week, SB (former boss), asked me for my address so that she can send an invitation for her daughter's wedding reception. Knowing my current situation, she tactfully told me that it would be an invitation for plus 1. I emailed J and let him know and told him I was extending a courtesy invite. Even if we were together and things were fine, he wouldn't want to go. There will be a handful of work people there so I'll have people to talk to but the rest will be strangers. J would be there and bored out of his mind. But it would have been wrong to not invite him. He responded that he appreciated it but it wasn't his thing... unless I was going to go with KT instead or KT was going to be there, in which he would totally be there. I sent him a nasty email telling him that he was disinvited and that he had lost the right to know who I would be going with. I also asked him how N's pussy was and asked if it was difficult having her live so far away. After all, according to J, the only reason to have good friendships with girls if you are a guy is because you want to fuck her. I told him that just because he knows his jealousy is irrational, it doesn't mean I have to put up with it.
It wasn't the best way to deal with the situation, I admit that. But it has been seven years and if he thinks I'm the type to cheat, that is an insult. And if he thinks I'm so naive and stupid to accidentally suck someone's dick, well, that is an insult as well. And he an N are pretty tight and talk about relationship stuff. How is it anything but hypocritical to think I can't have a male friend?!?!
But my hanging out with KT on Saturday did, certainly, occur at a weird time. I'm just glad that J seemed to understand me when I explained it. He was very obviously upset, but he didn't say anything. Oh shit. J tried to fuck me and I turned him down because sex with him right now is uncomfortable to me. But I probably should have done it anyway, just so he wouldn't wonder.
Oy. Looks like I have an email to send.
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