I think most people have met a woman who openly claims to dislike other women. Whilst they generally have female friends, they state that they get along better with men and prefer their company. They have their reasons. Women are catty. They are backstabbers. Women are gossips. And so on and so on. This bothers me, probably because I am a woman and because I consider myself a feminist. If women cannot support and embrace one another, how are we to ever achieve equal status to men?
Today I felt one of my rare angers towards my own gender. John, a very good friend of mine who I respect, admire, and trust, informed me that Jane told him that she'd been told by June that I'd related some salacious anecdote from his high school days. I've been thinking about this ever since John told me and it has bothered me greatly, to the point that he actually felt bad for having told me because I was so irate (regardless of the fact that HE IS THE VICTIM HERE).
Yes, women do gossip and talk behind each other behind their backs. But so do men. I know from experience that men are just as bad about it but they are more direct. A man might say "Carl told me, George, that ...." But women? Not necessarily. Jane wouldn't tell John any of the specifics, not what the story was or from whom she'd heard it. All she related was that John need be careful with what he tells me. This means that John cannot go to the source and find out what exactly I'd said or when. It means I cannot verify it with the source. It also means that neither of us can know for certain if this story is true or if it is going to go round the office.
All I was able to do was assure John that he would not have such reports in the future, that I was sorry for whatever trust I betrayed, and that I wish I could do more than just give words. Bloody fucking frustrating, yes?
Finding myself in this position is indescribably frustrating. I have to wonder:
- What did I let slip? Usually I am a secret's best friend but I know one occasion in which I almost fucked over a friend (I said something about my BFF being happier once she got to Florida before she told her boss that she would be moving. Her boss did not hear so it wasn't an issue but I still feel bad about that to this day).
- Who did I trust that I shouldn't have?
- Is this true? Did someone recount something I'd told them or did they get confused or outright lie?
John and I work in an office with just over 100 people, most of them women. I've known John for four years and we've been friends for maybe 7 months. My gut tells me that this information came from either woman A, who is a liar, or woman B, who has given misinformation by mistake in the past (if you are reading "john", she told a client that your office neighbor used to dress up in the Rocky Horror outfits for the movie nights all because she saw a picture [your office neighbor simply dressed up for Halloween once]).
The reason I give date spans is simple. I'm a gossip of sorts. People who know me in the office know that I make it my business to find out what is going on. But I don't mean personal shit, I mean business bullshit. I know which department is rife with malcontent and HR calls. I know who is on the shit list and who is behaving badly. I also know the very few people who are not what they seem (few, as I said, fortunately). I gather this information for myself because I'm fucking nosy as Hell. I share it with a select few individuals (two, basically) and none of it has anything to do on a personal level because that isn't what I care about. Work is work. Yes, there are people I care about on a personal level but mainly I don't. Those I don't care for on a personal level I only care about, gossip-wise, on a business level and if I learned anything about them in the personal realm, I'd keep it to myself. So why would I spread something about John?
And honestly, and I've told him, John has some good stories but, in the office, the satisfaction of talking about them pales beyond belief to the office gossip I have.
Because there are so many more women in the office, I have to assume that June, the source, is a woman. I fear I may never know the truth to this matter and that may be fine. John has moved past it but I can't because I need to know if this broad is spreading this beyond Jane, if this is going to be a much larger rumor. I'm hoping that maybe someone just said "Cat said John has been being a dick lately" because that would be awesome and John would probably understand how it was misinterpreted etc. But I won't know for some time and, as I've said before, not knowing when you are a control freak is a hellish nightmare.
So I get to wait and see. I hope it goes no further. If John hears from anyone else, I'm fucking going to Jane and asking her who her source is so that I can approach them. If he doesn't, I'll be good to go because I'm not saying shit to anyone. But having this small reputation as a gossip of personal information kills me and I don't like it.Especially because it involves someone else. It's one thing to have my reputation smuttied without bringing someone else into it.
Mainly, I just wish people would act right in my office. We aren't a sorority house filled with girls all on our periods. We are a business with multiple departments and I interact with most of the people so seldom that I should be able to ferret this out. We'll see and if I get answers, I will definitely let you know.
**Update**
Well, it wasn't my old boss. I felt it might be only because I go into her office and chat frequently. But, as I told John, when we have real gossip, we whisper and shut the door. But I called old boss just to make sure and she told me that not only does she not talk to Jane about anything other than business stuff, but she knows nothing fun enough about John to gossip about. The list has one knocked off.
No comments:
Post a Comment