Twirling, Wirling

Dropping Houses

The evening before I went shooting with Upstairs Kid, we met up to go grab a bite to eat. Just as I got to his door, the tornado sirens started going off. "Fuck it," I said "I'll drive" as opposed to walking since we were just going up to the front of our neighborhood. I was cavalier because we'd had a tornado warning a few weeks ago and I overreacted. This time it was scarier because I was outside and watched the sky change colors (beautiful but not what I want to look at right before I'm thrown through the windows of a fast food restaurant and splattered on the pavement). I didn't get too scared, although I was nervous, and obviously everything worked out well indeed for yours truly. UK and I went about our business and then went home.

This afternoon, there were tornadoes in the Dallas area, all around my company's Texas office. That actually scared me more than when my office has gathered in a conference room when sirens have gone off in Columbus. I watched live footage on the internet and repeatedly texted my friend. I didn't realize until it was all over how tensed up I was. I have a couple of friends who work in our Texas office in the area where the storms hit, and the idea of losing them was crushing. I mean, Hunter, my best friend, works there and where would I be without him making me laugh with Happiness Fat Guy pictures and absurd things coming out of his mouth? Quite unhappy and crushed indeed, that's where. I did the sort of obnoxious thing anyone does in this situation, telling him to make sure he called and checked on his wife and to drive safely when it was safe to go. Because clearly, a man who has been married for nearly 25 years wouldn't have already called and checked on his wife and, as an adult, he's probably going to slam down a few shots before he decides to drive home. Look, I don't want children but I do have some maternal instincts and he's nice enough to just put up with it and laugh at me. For all of my bluff and gruff demeanor, I know that I'm actually a very caring person, but it struck me today just how much I care for certain people and how much they mean to me, how much losing them would hurt.

Fortunately, Hunter and my other friends are fine. I'm hoping they didn't suffer much damage to their homes. Watching the footage was horrific and my heart goes out to everyone affected, obviously.

Under Water

Work is nutty and I love it because I love what I do and love having so much work but I'm positively overwhelmed. So much so that I got up, walked passed a neighbor's cube, stopped, and said "I don't remember why I got up...oh right, I need to use the ladies room." My neighbor started cracking up and I told her to shut up because it wasn't funny. These days I'm doing six things at once and can't seem to remember to combine trips so I literally needed to pee and forgot about it and had to figure out why I was away from my desk. But seriously, things are really awesome right now. Yes, I have moments where I feel paralyzed because I don't know where to start in my mountain of work but I'll take that over having little to do. And I'm growing more and more competent as I gain more experience. These days I can reliably answer the phone and sound intelligent regardless of which book of business a physician is calling about.

This is particularly satisfying because it's been a long road to get to the level of competency I now have. I have been doing what is now my main job for roughly three and a half years. There are three main books of business that my division deals with and Book A is one I've always been well acquainted with as I worked in that unit for about three years. But Books B and C I've never worked in and I was never trained in them. But I've finally gotten the level of knowledge necessary to talk about it with interested candidates so that I can say what we are asking them in terms of review work. I also have enough experience, finally, to be able to speak with potential reviewers and not be nervous. These are all physicians, some of them arrogant and self important, a few who are unabashed about telling me they make $1,000 in fifteen minutes (that happened, an anesthesiologist who I inadvertently made feel guilty for saying such a thing). So it is gratifying to know that I am, actually a professional in my field.

I'm actually hoping to travel to Texas at some point to train a particular division in my field so that they understand that I'm a good resource for them, to let them understand what is involved with regards to clinical review. I finally feel adult enough and capable enough to feel like I have something worthy of imparting. And I know that I can create alliances, regardless of how my boss presents himself, because I know it will benefit the company and me, in the long run. All in all, it's a very good feeling indeed.

And for that, I am grateful.