Anniversary

Dear J,

Five years ago we married in the basement of the Cecil County Court House. It was Good Friday then as it is now and you proposed the year before on Easter Sunday. We always thought that was funny, or at least I did, our getting engaged and marrying on religious holidays when we are both atheists.

I'm so sorry things did not work out. I know I'm young and have years ahead of me but I think 31 is old enough to truly have regrets. I don't regret a minute with you. I don't regret falling in love with you or spending those years with you. They were and are some of the most important years of my life. Even though it has ended, our romance and marriage, I still think/know/understand that you have been one of the biggest influences in my life, in the shaping of who I am, and I'll never forget that.

What I regret is that we grew apart and I fell out of love with you. You truly are one of the best people I have ever met, one of the best I'll ever meet. You have done more for me than anyone, simply by being, and I'm so thankful that I've known you and you thought me worthy of your love and friendship.

I continue to worry about you and continue to wish that I had a 24/7 webcam into your life so that I can know what is going on. I want the power to control things so that I can direct your life in such a way that you are happy, healthy, and well. I can't have that, obviously, so I just have to let it go.

But I will always love you, I truly will. You sincerely are the best person I've ever met in my life and I'm so sorry for the hurt that I've caused you. If I could, I would go back and never meet you, not because of me but because of you, because I've caused you pain. The good you've done for me is not worth having hurt you and I hope you will one day understand and know that I'm honestly, sincerely, and truly sorry.

I love you and I wish you well. You deserve so much and I hope you allow yourself to be open to it.

Love,

Cat