I realize more and more how much I do not belong to myself and I'm never happy about that. I cannot do a thing or feel a thing without it effing affecting someone else, without my having to be responsible for another person's feelings or emotions. I shouldn't be upset about that, obviously, as it plays the same role in my life from other people.

But really? How does anyone live a life when s/he has to count on some other person's reaction? Ask an innocent question at work and have someone *yell* at you for being so audacious as to copy another person. Consider doing something and have another person say "that might hurt me even though you are your own person and I have no claim on you." Decide you don't want to do a seemingly 'fun' thing and hear "so you never want to do this again because you are no fun!"

It's weird because it isn't something simple like a declination of an invitation but maybe I am considering doing something meaningless and someone else finds lots of meaning there. I can no longer do that specific thing for fear of losing a friend for a bullshit reason.