After the CT scan and lumbar puncture came back clear, and after my appointment with my PCP, I finally called my mother to let her know what is going on. Since then, she's been under the impression that I've been in incredible pain and has stated in her e-mails that I am not to downplay my pain, to make sure I take care of myself. When she e-mailed yesterday, again stating that she felt terrible that I was in such pain, I called and left a message, just to let her know that the pain has subsided and that she isn't to worry. I followed up that call today, to give her the good news, and I think she was relieved a bit. And then she told me her news.
I did know that my sister in law was in the midst of her clinical trial, but I was not aware that this is the portion that might kill her. Evidently, they've infused the re-engineered cells and are now infusing a kind of poison to kill the cancer. She is on her fourth infusion; she threw up after the first and third. The ideal is 15 but the NIH have never made it that far. Another patient undergoing the treatment now did not make it past the first. This doesn't mean patients die before the 15th, just that their bodies, their systems, cannot handle it. I didn't think we were there yet. I knew the trial was to be grueling and that it might kill her, but I thought we had time.
Mom said that SIL is still in high spirits and, for once, that made me feel worse. Until today, I've been pleased that she's had a good attitude and been so upbeat. But now all I can think is, what if she is smiling in the face of certain doom? Mom told me that if that is the case, at least she went down fighting. That, I believe, is meant to comfort, but really, can anything? A 31 year old woman, who was not feeling sick, who bounced back beautifully from amputation and chemo, is in good spirits as she is infused with a poison that is making her ill beyond belief. Good spirits followed by death is no better than a pessimistic attitude followed by the same, in my humble opinion. But I suppose it is better for her.
If that wasn't enough, Mom went on to tell me that my cousin's husband died last night, out of the blue. He was only 64 and they don't know what happened, just that it appears he got up in the night to use the bathroom as he was found half in and half out of the bed this morning. Found by his wife. I do not know them but they were kind enough to send me a card and a check when J and I eloped. I remember asking my mother "who are Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and being touched that a cousin that I do not know thought to send us such a generous gift to a family member they do not know. I can't imagine what my cousin is going through. She is part of my extended Greek family, from my mother's father's side. Another cousin, or second cousin, lost her husband to a heart attack when he was in his 40's. The Greek side marries and the men appear to go down unexpectedly.
A condolence card will be sent. I will offer my sympathies and my shoulder should it be needed. But I feel ridiculous now, with my call to tell my mother not to worry. As though my issue is anything more than a sneeze.
I did know that my sister in law was in the midst of her clinical trial, but I was not aware that this is the portion that might kill her. Evidently, they've infused the re-engineered cells and are now infusing a kind of poison to kill the cancer. She is on her fourth infusion; she threw up after the first and third. The ideal is 15 but the NIH have never made it that far. Another patient undergoing the treatment now did not make it past the first. This doesn't mean patients die before the 15th, just that their bodies, their systems, cannot handle it. I didn't think we were there yet. I knew the trial was to be grueling and that it might kill her, but I thought we had time.
Mom said that SIL is still in high spirits and, for once, that made me feel worse. Until today, I've been pleased that she's had a good attitude and been so upbeat. But now all I can think is, what if she is smiling in the face of certain doom? Mom told me that if that is the case, at least she went down fighting. That, I believe, is meant to comfort, but really, can anything? A 31 year old woman, who was not feeling sick, who bounced back beautifully from amputation and chemo, is in good spirits as she is infused with a poison that is making her ill beyond belief. Good spirits followed by death is no better than a pessimistic attitude followed by the same, in my humble opinion. But I suppose it is better for her.
If that wasn't enough, Mom went on to tell me that my cousin's husband died last night, out of the blue. He was only 64 and they don't know what happened, just that it appears he got up in the night to use the bathroom as he was found half in and half out of the bed this morning. Found by his wife. I do not know them but they were kind enough to send me a card and a check when J and I eloped. I remember asking my mother "who are Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and being touched that a cousin that I do not know thought to send us such a generous gift to a family member they do not know. I can't imagine what my cousin is going through. She is part of my extended Greek family, from my mother's father's side. Another cousin, or second cousin, lost her husband to a heart attack when he was in his 40's. The Greek side marries and the men appear to go down unexpectedly.
A condolence card will be sent. I will offer my sympathies and my shoulder should it be needed. But I feel ridiculous now, with my call to tell my mother not to worry. As though my issue is anything more than a sneeze.
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