Verdict

So. I have multiple sclerosis, the big MS. Honestly, I was relieved by the diagnosis since it makes sense of so many things as previously mentioned and isn't as bad as inoperable cancer or embarrassing like syphilis. But I do feel as though I could make one of those overly dramatic pharmaceutical commercials.

"It all began when I was jogging and I suddenly felt a pain in my neck and head. Days later, the vision in one of my eyes began to blur. The pain went away but the vision got worse...could I have MS?"

Of course, they'd show me wearing  a sweater with sleeves long enough to stretch over my wrists, gazing out of a window on a rainy day, mug of tea in my hands. The voice over telling you to talk to your doctor if you've experienced these problems and to ask about whatever drug is being shilled would begin. I will be shown outside raking leaves or gardening, laughing with friends, and maybe cuddling on the couch with my husband, a book open in my hands.

Tomorrow I go back to the neuro-ophth and I hope to never have to see him again as his abrupt manner doesn't suit me. My neurologist referred me to the OSU MS Clinic so I'll hear from them and be set up with a visit. My mother is going to fly in so that she can go with me and I think I'll ask J if he can go as well. It isn't that I'm scared; I just think it would be very good for both of them to know about the clinic and my treatment, for them to be educated so that they can both feel better about this. My mother was, initially, angry. I think she found it incomprehensible that her baby girl should be diagnosed with something she finds to be odious. J, I believe, was scared, worried that I was more scared or upset than I was letting on. But I think he understands now that I'm truly OK with the diagnosis so he is getting over it as well. Right now he is on the phone giving his mother the news.

Frankly, I'm tired of relaying the news! I went into the office and made my rounds, going from office to office, cube to cube, thanking people for their support and filling them in. I work in the best office ever. So much compassion, love, support, and kindness, just flowing out and embracing me. And they are so genuine and sincere! If I have to have MS, I must say that I consider myself lucky to have found this out whilst surrounded by all of these wonderful people.

And now I can relax. I can exhale and lean back and just relax. Because I have my answer and no longer have to wonder and fret and consider worst case scenarios. The relief is amazing.