Wednesday Ramblings

It is Wednesday morning and I am the definition of tired. I told the Bat yesterday that we either needed to go to bed earlier or have less frequent sexy times. I went to bed at 9 and was asleep by 10. I know because that's when the Bat came in and woke my ass up. Now I'm so fucking tired that for date night tonight, I'd like to just go to sleep. 

I wrote a bunch of junk yesterday but it sucked so I deleted it (though I still think you should know that there was a woman in the elevator with a very sparkly, blue sequin top on - clearly she works in a funner environment than do I). Yesterday was packed. I was quite productive at work, then I volunteered at the library, and then I met up with Spectero, my new friend, at Salt Grass for girls' night. I got hella lost on my way there and was really embarrassed about that because dude, I used to live in that area. I had no clue that was where it was located. Choosing that restaurant was smart though, because the Bat and Monkey went to the sushi bar again last night and they showed up both Tuesday evenings that Spectero and I were having girls' night there. It isn't that I don't want them around because I'm trash talking them, it just seems weird. Especially since the Bat is the one who pushed me to have friends. Now I feel like I can't meet up there with a friend without my roommates turning up and that's a bummer. But I can't exactly ask them to refrain from patronizing the place since they've been going there for four years. 

Spectero arrived before me, carrying a jade plant. The bartenders side eyed her but it was my idea. I told her to bring a plant and I'd wear my gold medal from when I was in the 8th grade. And I wore the shit out of it. I told her at one point that I liked the idea that people might think we were sisters and she was taking me out to celebrate having received a medal. Why not? It's not like anyone looked at it so how would they know it said something about Delaware Creative Competition? And it only says 1995 on the back of it so you'd have to get pretty up close and personal with me to know I won it when I was 14. She even gave me the plant after we'd finished boozing and eating all the food that wouldn't have been so bad for us had it not all been fried and/or wrapped in bacon. 

And now here I am, sitting in my death cubicle, hoping I don't fall asleep and that this coffee kicks in so I don't have to take a pill (prescribed to me, not something I bought off a guy in an ally way). I'd much rather be at home snuggling. Since I can't do that, I actually wish for once that I didn't have any projects to work on so that I could just zone out in my cube. But oh no, today one of my managers just sent me and a colleague more work on top of the other projects she gave me. Usually I'd be stoked but I'm having to peel my eyes apart at the moment so I just want to zone out and read things on the internet. 

I couldn't find either pair of glasses this morning (one was in my briefcase). 

I was the first person at the deli downstairs this morning. I'm always pleased when I get a receipt that says 001, telling me I was first. I don't know why that is.

When I got in the elevator I apparently didn't hit 3 hard enough because it skipped my floor so I had to walk down two flights of stairs to get to my department.

Tonight is date night and unless my ass perks up, it's going to consist of ordering pizza, watching a movie or some shows on Netflix, my passing out on the couch, and the Bat attempting to get some off me while on the couch before Monkey gets home from church. 

I need a new car.

I miss living alone. 

I'm happy in my relationship and, in general, my household.

My cat is being a dick and shit right in front of her litter box yesterday. I better follow up about that appointment at the vet I tried to make for her. 

I don't understand how Scientologists can take that shit seriously when their founder was a writer of Science Fiction. I put that on Facebook yesterday when I was at the library because the shelves I was in the middle of dusting happened to contain a bunch of L. Ron Hubbard. How the fuck can you believe in a religion made up by a dude who writes Science Fiction? Not that Joseph Smith is a credible character either, but Scientology is just the weirdest and funniest. 

Dusting shelves in the Science Fiction section makes me want to try out some SF but I can't seem to bring myself to do so. 

I think the last movie I saw in a theatre was Argo, with Tits. 

This junk isn't much better than yesterday's and I didn't even mention my hundreds of mosquito bites. 

I'm going to go read Dear Abby and send a letter to my girl Birdy over in the Westerville office so we can discuss it. Dear Abby online has a comments section now so it's that much more awesome. 

A little bit of this, a little bit of that

Let's Get Serious for a Moment, Shall We? 
In yet another instance of my being frightfully stupid and absent minded, I had to take Johan to the vet to get his little pig claws trimmed. I say that is evidence of my stupidity because why the hell didn't I have them trim his claws when I had him boarded during the power outage?

One of my favorite bloggers linked to this article, which I spent the morning reading before taking lord and master to the vet. I never really had a firm idea of where I stood on the death penalty. On the one hand, I think pedophiles should be killed by firing squad. I also think locking someone away for the rest of their lives is cruel. But then, how is killing someone considered justice? And quite frankly, who am I to determine who should live and who should die? If I were faced with the choice I think I'd take death over prison. But a) do you ever really know until you are faced with the actual decision? and b) what is good for the goose isn't always necessarily good for the gander. Now, however, after reading that article, I can say with firm conviction that I oppose the death penalty.

See, sometimes it isn't all guinea pigs and bitching about stuff. Sometimes, on some rare occasions, I do actually use my brain.  One last comment on that article; if you read it, you'll notice it is from 2009. Do you ever think about how much information is out there, how much literature, fiction, non-fiction, and just data is out there and how much you never see? Sometimes, when I'm in a book store, I look at all the books in the fiction section and wonder if each one will actually be read. Then I wonder what the sound of one hand clapping is and zone out...

Things Change and Stay the Same

I've always taken that sentiment for granted, just another meaningless cliche. And it is but it's also like "a stitch in time saves nine" and I finally understand it (embarrassingly, I think I was 19 when I finally understood a stitch in time etc.)

So, I have a new boss, which is the change, and it's occurred to me that I don't think he has a clear understanding of what it is I do, which is same old same old. He also keeps promising to get me help and talks about change but nothing happens. He's a good guy and he does actually communicate with me but I feel like he is moving too fast and not understanding that we can't just "make things happen" but that we need to do things like talk to the executives and examine the budget to see if we can make things happen. He's the new head of my division and, unfortunately for us, his primary concern is growing our division so we still don't have anyone who is primarily responsible for helping fix the problems with our existing clients.

So, you see, things change and stay the same.

Finally...

The Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce was settled rather quickly. Am I the only one who is disappointed? That sounds cruel but celebrities make enough money for me to not feel guilty when I enjoy their gossip. I wasn't hoping for acrimony or anything, but I did want some scandal about Scientology and maybe some "is he really Suri's father" allegations. Instead all we get are joint statements about working together to be good parents and reassurances that Scientology had nothing to do with it.

Maybe I'm just bitter because it took them something like two weeks to get divorced and it has been a year since J and I separated and we are still married. Meh, I don't think so. If I was in a big damn hurry I could divorce him pretty quickly. I just can't be bothered.

Well, here's hoping that more will come out about Demi Moore's daughters not talking to her.

Hey, like I said, these people are millionaires. And besides, we all know that half of what is said isn't true (if not way more than half).

PS

Seriously? I just checked my stats and someone came across my blog after searching for "fuck mature anal gym". Wonder what they hoped to find.

Vehicular Hilarity

In the past three days, I've seen two really weird incidents involving motorists and I'm hoping to see more of them as I become more observant (how is that going to happen? I don't know either). In fact, I'm going to try and become more observant just so I can witness more of life's hilarity.

Incident One
Jilly Bean and I made a mid-morning dash to a Starbucks on Friday. We went through the drive thru because we are lazy Americans and the line was only two cars. I'm so glad we did! The car in front of mine was at the speaker thing giving her order and then, when I thought she was pulling up to wait her turn for the window, she instead drove off like a bat out of hell, causing JB and I to burst out laughing.

"What do you mean you're out of chai tea?!"

"You no longer carry croissants! This is an outrage!"

"If I'd wanted ice coffee, I would have said I wanted ice coffee. Cancel my order!" 

I mean, who drives off in a fury from the Starbucks drive thru lane? Turns out the real reason was more hilarious than what JB and I came up with. The guy at the window said she was pissed because they'd run out of protein powder, which sent JB and I into roaring laughter. "Yeah, that's how we react to those people too," he informed me, gratified by our reaction. I mean, who the fuck goes to Starbucks for their protein smoothies? Especially when there is, literally, a smoothie shop right down the road? JB and I didn't even know they made smoothies, let alone that they used protein powder. But that lady certainly knew. 

Incident Two
I was walking from a side lot onto the side walk in a nearby shopping center so that I could access the Pet Co (after vacuuming, I realized L&M was out of his beloved Timothy and only had the alfalfa that Hunter very kindly sent for him and although he is OK with the alfalfa, he really likes his Timothy).  I was in the process of double checking that I had, indeed, brought my wallet, when I suddenly noticed a van was stopped in an inconvenient place, right at the spot where she was trying to turn onto the road that abuts the storefronts. Then I saw the car in front of her van was also stopped and so looked to see if they'd had an accident. Instead, the driver of the car in front opened his door and started yelling:

"You wanna start some shit lady?! Huh?! God damn son of a bitch!"

I arrived too late to know who, exactly he was yelling at, so it made it that much more special (or, if you will, specialer... OMG, specialer is a word? I had no idea! But spell check didn't call me out so word) Was he yelling at the lady in the van behind him? I don't think so because, since he went so far as to open his door to yell, I would assume he would have gotten out to at least face her. I think, actually, that he was yelling at a pedestrian who was walking towards a shop behind him. Did she do that obnoxious pedestrian thing of crossing where there isn't a crosswalk? Did she give him shit about something? I have no idea. All I do know is that I was a bit disappointed that whoever the target was didn't yell back. And if it was the pedestrian, I pretty much sided with the driver because he looked like an average Joe whilst she looked like a wealthy wife of a CEO who attends "club dinners" and plays tennis and I loathe those women because I'm a reverse snob. That and because I'm still pissed off at these pedestrians who crossed in front of me last weekend. They crossed a very busy road with a 45 mph speed limit and not at a crosswalk. That's all fine and well and if you can do it, go ahead, but don't take your fucking time about it! They seriously just strolled across and I actually had to apply my breaks and then the fucking chick took her sweet time getting onto the grassy median. And she was talking on her cell phone.

But it's OK because I yelled "I hope you get hit on your way back" and even though I don't think they heard me, I'm pretty certain they felt it. 

Monster in My Portmanteau

In which I'm rather judgmental 
Hmm, really? Anarchists my ass. Me thinks these young men watch a wee bit too much "Fight Club".

Also, who didn't see this coming? No, really, who out there sat over a cup of tea with a friend saying "say what you will, but at least she has some principles" as though those principles were made of adamantium? When I first read that she wouldn't do porn my thought was "bitch you stupid" (yes, 'bitch you stupid' is literally how I thought it). I mean, come on, you have fourteen kids; what kind of day job do you foresee yourself having to take care of them all? And are you really going to be working a nine to five job? Me thinks not.

Maxwell Drew?  My first thought was that they didn't know they'd had a girl. BFF, who was weirdly concerned about her girl Jess because she looked uncomfortable at the end of her pregnancy, said they'd call the baby Maxie for short. Maxie Johnson? Is that not a terrific porn name? As Birdy said "if she was the heiress to a million dollar industry, I'd feel bad for the kid." I do like Maxwell Drew for a boy though.

In which I'm fucking stupid

I forgot my wallet today. I'm not exactly sure how I manage to do that but I frequently leave my wallet at home on days I don't bring anything in the way of food with me to work. I hate these days because I end up having to go hungry, borrow money, or <shudder>, eat what I have at my disposal. Today that means left over carrots, celery, and cucumber slices with hummus, a greek yogurt, some blueberries, and/or oatmeal (not to mention a boat load of candy). I packed all that healthy crap yesterday, aiming to start eating like a proper human (well, I also had ramen but I'm a proper person of limited funds and imagination) and it wasn't bad... yesterday, when I could have gotten something else if I'd so chosen because I had my wallet with me. Healthy food, when it is my only option, is worse than healthy food when it is of my choosing. That's why I'm eyeballing the orange on my desk with revulsion and anger. Fucking stupid orange, all complicated to peal.

I did have some of the veggies and hummus and it wasn't the worst experience in my life, but I only ate them after I'd eaten some of the candy my mother sent me. Basically, I ate the healthy crap out of guilt. Then I just continued to refill my coffee cup because I seem to think if I drink enough coffee, it will eventually be food. In reality, I just keep going to the ladies room. Fortunately, Bean just called and offered to bring me something from Target. I explained that I did have stuff I could eat and that I had just poured more coffee but she was all "I can get you those garlic spring rolls we like" and it was very much like Jen Barkley telling Leslie Knope she would buy her those waffles she liked and I totally caved. Bean even told me not to worry about the three whole dollars the lean cuisine is going to cost! How did that happen? Muffin button? Probably the muffin button.

Next Day

I had a nightmare last night about Stalker. It was the worst I've had, ever, so bad that I woke up and felt afraid. I've had nightmares like that in the past, but not involving Stalker. I haven't even seen that guy much in the last few weeks but there he was, scaring me in my dreams. I thought I was passed those days.

I also dreamed that I was in a car accident again only this time it wasn't my fault.

I also told J that I was going to disappear. He texted me asking what I meant and why and I just told him I meant from his life, not Earth, and that it was too painful too stay in his life (or attempt to at any rate). He texted back "I heard that." Then I fell asleep and dreamed about Stalker and a car accident. I wonder if it just means that I have survived my worst fear and that I need to stop beating myself up about things that happen in my personal life, not take on all the blame.

J is 33 today. I feel better than I thought I would and, whilst sad, it is a low level numbness rather than the weeping grief I've been experiencing lately. I'm sure if I say "I think I'm finally through it" I'll just stumble into another wall of mourning so I'll simply say that I seem to have made progress. 

Now

Now I am at work, taking a quick ten minutes to finish this post before delving back in. I've worked 22 hours so far this week and it is only Wednesday. I have much more to do and I'm learning and growing professionally in the midst of it all. Not a bad week so far, all things considered.

And for some reason, I can't stop thinking about perfume and how I would like to have some. I have two old bottles, one Structure, which I've had for at least 8 years and one Joy, which BFF gave me when she moved. I don't wear either of them that often and I've wanted a new scent for years but just never seem to bring myself to it. Quite random, isn't it? Like having a food craving.