A (probably long-winded) Note on Yesterday's Post

So yesterday's post was relatively quiet and picture-heavy, huh? Not originally. Nope. My first draft contained a bunch of text in a stream of consciousness way and by the time I'd finished it I was disgusted with myself.

My initial feeling when I heard about Catherine Zeta-Jones being diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder (II) was "thank fucking god someone was finally diagnosed before going batshit crazy." Each picture was prefaced with a brief, snarky description of the publicized events that led up to the celebrity's diagnosis in order to illustrate my relief of finally not having the disorder associated with pure lunacy.

But then I realized what a fucking little hypocrite bitch I can be and I erased it all. Wanna know why? Because it wasn't their fault. Britney Spears did not choose to lose her shit, her children, and her autonomy. Demi Lovato did not choose to snap and punch someone. And who the fuck knows what is going on with Charlie Sheen? The point is, it isn't a choice, and that was in my initial opening paragraph as well.

Bi-polar disorder is a chemical problem in the brain that leads to drastic changes in mood. The more dramatic forms of the disorder include psychosis, which is a break from reality. Lesser forms, such as type II, comprise long periods of depression, quick changes in mood, and hypo-mania which is a far less severe form of the manic portion of the disorder. It's like having diabetes type I or Celiac's disease. It isn't anything the person has done but rather a chemical imbalance.

So why then did I decide to get angry with out of control celebrities who were diagnosed with this? After all, I had quite the wild ride myself with some very nasty consequences and embarrassing regrets before I was finally medicated and good about taking the meds. I think it is really just because I don't want people to continue to stigmatize the disorder and having celebrities go out of their minds whilst on public display does not help. But that doesn't mean it is their fault. Celebrities live their lives on a stage and people like me, who love gossip magazines, make their lives into fishbowls. So it isn't Britney Spears's fault that her breakdown happened in public; that's what happens when you are under intense scrutiny and people can make money by taking your picture.

And that is why there is so little text in my post below. The events happened and were put on display for the masses. I was fortunate enough to have only a very small population know about my own coming apart at the seams and I'm beyond grateful for that. I've also been discriminated against because of my disorder and I know how bad that can hurt. So this is my public way of calling myself out on my hypocrisy; I'm just glad I realized it before I published my original post.