My grandmother had surgery this morning, stents placed in her leg arteries. They did the least invasive and safest surgery possible due to her age. Wasn't entirely successful and she developed a clot, but she is doing well. I asked my brother, who is living overseas, to stay there. Mom always has him give me the bad news and if he is in the Middle East, he can't call me. So my grandmother will live forever.
I realized on Saturday that I do, actually, love and want J. I want him and who we were back. I fucking love him. But I fucked up and he will probably never take me back. My bed to lay in, I know. But I love him. I miss him. I want to fight and scrape, and tooth and claw my way back to where we were when we first fell in love. And when he says "no", I'll deal with it. I'll be devastated, I'll be ruined, but I'll come back, just missing a piece of me. But I will always hope the best for him.
My life is extremely fucked up right now. I'm not going to say it can't get worse because it totally can and I don't want to invite more trouble. But yeah, I'm currently fucked.
So I'll just prep myself and take back my reigns.
Being a grown up? I always knew it was overrated.
I realized on Saturday that I do, actually, love and want J. I want him and who we were back. I fucking love him. But I fucked up and he will probably never take me back. My bed to lay in, I know. But I love him. I miss him. I want to fight and scrape, and tooth and claw my way back to where we were when we first fell in love. And when he says "no", I'll deal with it. I'll be devastated, I'll be ruined, but I'll come back, just missing a piece of me. But I will always hope the best for him.
My life is extremely fucked up right now. I'm not going to say it can't get worse because it totally can and I don't want to invite more trouble. But yeah, I'm currently fucked.
So I'll just prep myself and take back my reigns.
Being a grown up? I always knew it was overrated.
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