Well,
perhaps I am being a bit hyperbolic. Today is the sixth day without internet at home so it isn't exactly neighbor against neighbor, battling in the street for road kill carrion or anything. My internet went out on Saturday. I was told it was an external broad band problem and a guy would be out Thursday. On Tuesday I got a call from a technician saying he was at my place, the problem was actually
internal and, since I wasn't home, he'd have a tech call me. I got a message from my carrier saying my problem was resolved (which it wasn't, of course). So I called that night and a guy tried this and that and the other and then said he'd send a new modem. New modem received yesterday and it doesn't work. Technician scheduled to come out between four and eight Friday.
It hasn't been terrible. I don't miss Facebook or anything and no one really emails me. But I miss Netflix. I recently dropped my cable so I've been streaming online content. Lately it's been Midsomer Murders because I've exhausted Inspector Lewis, Under the Lake (On the Lake?), The Killing, and that show with Gillian Anderson in it. And I do miss reading the news obsessively. Though I'll admit, I'm done with Syria. I don't think we should be involved. I don't think chemical weapons is a "red line" and all the other stuff (bombs, torture, mines, etc.) are "OK" and in accordance with "rules of war". I find the concept of "rules of war" laughable (rule number one: no war allowed). Britain wants nothing to do with it, Iraq fresh in their minds. France wants in. The American people do not want to go but France and the US are basically begging for international support for a limited strike.
Until Russia was all "Hey buddy, how about you just turn over your weapons? I know Kerry suggested that but you know those Americans." So now we are going back to the table to talk more but America is still swinging its dick around to remind Syria that we ain't playin' no shit, that we ain't never, we ain't
never been about playin' no shit.
And so, yes, Simply is still a girl disconnected. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for you, I have yet another awesome texted conversation to share, once again between Austin and yours truly. Enjoy!
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ME: "The awesome Guitar Hero texts just keep on coming. This morning he sent me a picture of his penis."
AUSTIN: "Lol, as what, a reminder?"
ME: "Who knows. Some guys love showing that shit."
AUSTIN: "Amazing. Oh GH, what will you do next?"
ME: "I think it is a 'see what you do to me' thing".
AUSTIN: "Was there any caption to the sext or was it just as is?"
ME: "This is how I woke up."
AUSTIN: "Hahahahahahhaah he sent you morning wood."
ME: "Yeah, he tells me sometimes that he woke up hard and though of me."
AUSTIN: "9/12/2013, self portrait with dong. Photograph. Now part of the permanent collection."
ME: "Limited edition featuring red underpants. Number 1 of 3."
AUSTIN: "If verified as an authentic GH from his rose period, it could fetch five figures in auction. Notice the tasteful soft focus on the thighs and covers. The insistence of the head in the foreground, commanding the viewer's attention. It's a powerful piece. Reminds me of 'self portrait with dong, living room, no. 8'. I have a print of it in my study."
ME: "This piece will be shipped in a protective latex coating to preserve the freshness and smoothness of the piece. Some deflation can be expected in the latex preservation pouch."
AUSTIN: "Hehe. Congrats on the acquisition. I'm sure you'll enjoy it for quite some time."
ME: "The portrait is the artist's tribute to 9/11. The erect shaft seen rising from the waste band is a powerful reminder of the American people and their spirit."
AUSTIN: "Actual lol. What I love is that not every tribute needs the two towers motif. One look at the work and you know what it's about, but it still functions as a proper dong shot. GH is as playful as he is masterful. He's just toying with genres now."
UPDATE: I dug out Murdoch's number just so I could put him back in my phone as "The Penis" and I set the penis pic as his contact picture. Just on the off chance that he ever calls me again. I don't hate the guy or anything, but he treated me like a dick so why not? It's funny. Plus, the chances of him ever calling me are slim to none so it will just be our little secret, k? Shhhh.
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And just for the hell of it:
