50 Shades of Suck

Caving, once again, to cultural zeitgeist*, I borrowed Fifty Shades of Grey from the library to see what all the to do was about. I knew it had started as Twilight fan fiction and that it had some really erotic aspects to it; and that's about it. You may recall that the last time I caved and read something based on popularity was Hunger Games, which was a real pleasure and so a successful endeavor. I wish I could say the same again.

I'm on page 207 of 514 and honestly don't know if I'll finish the entire book. It's a quick read, admittedly, but a terrible one. My main issues, thus far, are:

• Poor, heavy handed writing. I get it, OK? Anastasia Steele finds Christian super hot and she is nervous around him. I get that she is naive and innocent and clumsy and shy. I don't need to continual references to these things because I haven't forgotten.
• I guess we can consider it pay back for all the time American authors have totally gotten other countries wrong but still, EL James sets her novel in the Pacific Northwest and doesn't bother to attempt to get her characters to speak like true Americans. Throwing in current band names does not make me automatically suspend my disbelief. 
• The protagonist's use of the word "crap" is gratuitous and obnoxious.
• So is her constant references to her "inner goddess".
• Actually, there is nothing I like about the protagonist. 
• Or her roommate. 
• What's with the Hispanic-American best friend named, of course, Jose? 
• I really can't believe that someone's first sexual experience would be that good and without more pain and awkwardness... but OK, this is a "romance" novel so I guess that's how we roll in romance land.

So yeah, not really feeling this book and am kind of hoping that Christian Grey anal fists Anastasia Steele because I can't stand her. I will say that I've enjoyed reading the negative reviews on Amazon though. And part of me feels compelled to power through just because I have that thing where I feel like I can't quit reading a book if I've gotten so far through it. Weird, I know, but I think many of us are like that.  So I guess that is a positive thing I can say for Fifty Shades, it isn't so unreadable that I feel OK just quitting on it.

*I know, I know, I really need to stop saying "cultural zeitgeist". That was my last one, promise.

This morning has been a weird cluster of FAIL. I needed to get quarters for laundry and my usual grocery store has been out of quarters for ages so I had to drive to a different one. I went to the customer service area and found a sign that said they were closed and would reopen at 8 a.m. Uhm, it was after 8... but of course I second guessed myself and stood there like a moron and dug out my phone to double check. I was going to ask a cashier for help when the chick who was meant to be manning the desk apologized and came to help me. Still, nothing like assuming I'm the idiot. 

I knew the pet store wouldn't be open until 9 so I took my time about driving to a different shopping center to pass time. When I did get there, I pulled on the doors to find it was still closed. The sign said "9-7 on Sunday" under hours and I thought "uhm, it is 9, isn't it?" Yep. It was 9:08. So I walked to Target to buy a belt and some juice because I was thirsty and my pants were falling down and I've needed a belt for months. 

You are enthralled by this aren't you?

So I go back to the pet store and see that the Sunday hours say "10-7 on Sunday." I have spent the last two hours wondering if someone changed it or if I'd gotten it wrong. I really wish I'd taken a picture when they were closed so I'd know for sure but it's also kind of fun to have the alternate possibility, slack employees changing the sign so they can open an hour later. Annoying too, of course, as it means I have to go back out for bedding. So I'm reading my terrible book and procrastinating because I feel like the minute I get back from the pet store I'll have to stop putting off my laundry. 

Hmm, maybe Christian's worked a few knuckles up Ana's ass by now.