Melt the world with you

You know what gets old fast? Not having power. We are on day 6 of "Will she spontaneously combust or just melt" and cheese and rice am I over it. Yesterday, the 4th of July, was the worst so far (with meteorologists predicting it to get even worse today through Saturday). It was too hot to do anything but just lay around, alternating between the sofa and the bed, a cold wet pillow case draped across the forehead. I couldn't even cry I was too pathetic and tired and hot. I did mentally shake my fist at the sky whilst silently bartering with the world, though. If I get my power back I swear, I'll be neater/tidier. I'll be more organized. I'll do more for charity. I'll, I'll, I'll. I promised a lot to mother nature and the gods of AEP but nothing doing.

And how irritating is it that when you are going through something, the world news totally ignores you? Every story I read has to do with the Mid Atlantic and their loss of power; nothing about Ohio unless you read the locals. I wonder if the people in the Mid Atlantic only find stories about the Mid West when looking for information on their outage. People are hot, people are angry, let's fuck with the media to really stir the pot! That is how miserable it is just now; my brain is melting into a conspiracy theory candle.

And miserable is how I am. Hunter told me to have a Happy 4th of July on Tuesday and I swear to god, you'd have thought he'd told me to go fuck my mother the way I snapped at him. I charge my laptops and phone at work so that I have some internet when I get home and there was his email, wishing me a happy fourth. I got super pissed and told him to get fucked because he knew I didn't have power and he knew it was hot as balls and he knew life was awful and all the care bears in the world had exploded. Teach that mother fucker to say anything kind to me. "Have a Happy 4th, Simply!" "Get fucked you selfish asshole, Hunter!"

Poor guy. I wonder if I was that bad with J? Granted, this is my first experience living through a sweltering summer without electricity (I found one more item in the fridge to throw out and I am not exaggerating when I say that I almost vomited - twice - from the smell of it) so I'm a bit on edge. Sleep is all but impossible, with multiple wakings throughout the night, soak covered wakings, bringing nothing but a vague depression because seriously-it-is-too-fucking-hot-to-even-sleep-how-is-this-fair?????? So I like to think I wouldn't necessarily have bitten Hunter's head off if not for circumstances. I should have a sign around my neck reading "approach with caution".

Here's hoping the mother fuckers at the electric company get my power up and running soon. I know they aren't mother fuckers and that they are doing their best and working very hard but it is very demoralizing to have EVERYTHING up and running around you and no power in your own home. And if I have power when I get home today, I promise I will be better about recycling.

Thank goodness that's over with

I was a nicer version of myself yesterday, wishing friends and family "Merry Christmas" and even sending out a generic "Happy Christmas" on Facebook just to avoid being a total asshole. Don't get me wrong, whilst I abhor religion, want no part of it, and despise the way people won't let me be about that, I do not hate the religious.  J may be the only atheist friend I actually have. With the exception of Spark Plug, my Muslim convert college friend, all my friends seem to be Christian. So is my mother. I think my eldest brother may be agnostic but when you haven't really had a relationship in over a decade, does it really matter? So yeah, I fucking hate religion and am irritated as fuck when people wish me "Merry Christmas" all willy nilly; I hate it more when people wish me "Merry Christmas" when they know I am an atheist (this does not apply to close friends but to acquaintances*).  But I try not to be a dick because I know I'm in the minority so I was a sweet girl and was all sunshine and light and didn't say anything inflammatory to any of my friends. Special thanks to the one who wished me a "happy fourth Sunday of the month."

*My close friends fuck up and send me cards saying "Merry Christmas" or send me presents but it is totally absent-minded and that's fine because I know they aren't praying over the cards or gifts with the hope that sweet baby Jesus will hug my heart and save me. But if you've only known me a few weeks or months and you have been told I'm an atheist, I take exception because I would think you would be more careful about that shit. I don't care if it is part of your culture or your way of life; my way of life is to full on swear at you and tell you just what I think of your beliefs. But I understand that isn't what you are into so I'm mother fucking polite and well mannered, biatch.

Thank goodness that's over though, right? No more awful songs played round the clock, no more of that terrible Christmas scent that they seem to spray all over. No more forced and faked good will. I do like that people give to charity a lot this time of year but it also irritates me that it is made into a big deal around Christmas and then seemingly forgotten about the rest of the year. I also don't like that I end up giving all of my cash to the Salvation Army just because I go to the grocery store every freaking day and feel guilty if I pass that bell ringer without slipping his metal bucket a dollar. But mainly, this time of year feels like a mine field with my having to side step offending others, bury the offense I feel, and basically try, for once, to not be an asshole. 

Now we can all focus on New Year's, the raddest holiday of the year when we all get wasted on booze and hopes of being better people in the next year. I know now everyone does the resolution thing or even the drunk thing but that is something I can get on board with. People filled with artificial good cheer brought on by copious libations and hope laying warm like a blanket tucked around everyone's shoulders. Every year a fresh start, something so many of us desire. A new year to not be a pussy, a prick, a sissy, a sloth. Hope is a like a drug or an orgasm or a spin of the roulette wheel. You let it build up inside of you until you are filled to bursting and you take your chance. Maybe your hopes will be realized in some form or maybe they will be completely dashed. But it is intoxicating when you let it take you over so intensely for a brief moment of time. And having something to look forward to, no matter how minor, is what keeps some of us moving one foot in front of the other, even if it is just hope of something better.

I'll take that over an obese man with bad fashion sense and bits of food in his facial hair any day.