Yes, somehow I still have internet. Fingers crossed it lasts.
I'm pretty much moved in, just a few more things to unpack and put away, but things are liveable. I like my new place, like the space and the age (16 years as opposed to 60+ which is what I'm used to), I have a dishwasher and central air. The parking sucks but that's fine. I don't know anybody here and that is equally fine; I think I like the anonymity.
It was a stressful few days and today was surprisingly emotional. J and I met at my office to sign the dissolution paperwork in the presence of a notary. We were emotional and then we just sat and chatted for a bit. "I just want to sit here for six hours and bullshit with you" he said. We made one another laugh a lot, often to stem tears. I then drove him to my new place to show him around. Before we left he told me he is going to start trying to meet new women. I was overjoyed and told him that I hoped he'd meet someone, that someone would be nice to him and would love him, that I really hope he ends up in a happy relationship. He asked me "don't you want to be in a relationship?" I answered, honestly, that I hope to avoid that in my future. "I can handle being hurt, that's fine. But I don't think I can handle hurting someone else again."
I brought him back to the office and got out of my car to hug him. We held on for a long time and I started crying, sobbing. He rubbed my back and said "it's OK, honey, it's OK." I pulled away and told him that I'd finally started referring to him as my ex-husband and that he'd have to start calling me his ex-wife. We hugged again and we both cried. I told him I'd always be here for him should he ever need me and he assured me of the same. Finally, we parted and I told him I had to go before someone from my office walked out and found me having a life altering moment in the parking lot. I started weeping as I walked to my car and it took me a minute to collect myself before I was able to drive away.
I wasn't expecting this. I think we were both relieved that there was no hate or animosity. No, this divorce isn't contentious, but it is incredibly sad and heartbreaking and it just continues on and on. I don't think J realizes that we'll have to go one last time, together, to make things official. But then, that is one of the reasons we married in the first place, after all, to make it more difficult to separate. We are good when we try, J and I.
I'll always love him and I think he'll always love me.
I'm pretty much moved in, just a few more things to unpack and put away, but things are liveable. I like my new place, like the space and the age (16 years as opposed to 60+ which is what I'm used to), I have a dishwasher and central air. The parking sucks but that's fine. I don't know anybody here and that is equally fine; I think I like the anonymity.
It was a stressful few days and today was surprisingly emotional. J and I met at my office to sign the dissolution paperwork in the presence of a notary. We were emotional and then we just sat and chatted for a bit. "I just want to sit here for six hours and bullshit with you" he said. We made one another laugh a lot, often to stem tears. I then drove him to my new place to show him around. Before we left he told me he is going to start trying to meet new women. I was overjoyed and told him that I hoped he'd meet someone, that someone would be nice to him and would love him, that I really hope he ends up in a happy relationship. He asked me "don't you want to be in a relationship?" I answered, honestly, that I hope to avoid that in my future. "I can handle being hurt, that's fine. But I don't think I can handle hurting someone else again."
I brought him back to the office and got out of my car to hug him. We held on for a long time and I started crying, sobbing. He rubbed my back and said "it's OK, honey, it's OK." I pulled away and told him that I'd finally started referring to him as my ex-husband and that he'd have to start calling me his ex-wife. We hugged again and we both cried. I told him I'd always be here for him should he ever need me and he assured me of the same. Finally, we parted and I told him I had to go before someone from my office walked out and found me having a life altering moment in the parking lot. I started weeping as I walked to my car and it took me a minute to collect myself before I was able to drive away.
I wasn't expecting this. I think we were both relieved that there was no hate or animosity. No, this divorce isn't contentious, but it is incredibly sad and heartbreaking and it just continues on and on. I don't think J realizes that we'll have to go one last time, together, to make things official. But then, that is one of the reasons we married in the first place, after all, to make it more difficult to separate. We are good when we try, J and I.
I'll always love him and I think he'll always love me.
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