Adventures in Dating , 2015 - LOLZ Edition

So dating continues to suck big time but I'm trying to focus more on the hilarious and thought I'd share a brief list of the funnier contacts I've had.

1. The 21 year old guys who would like to chat. No, son, I will not cosign a damn thing with you.
2. The guys who, upon my telling them that I'm not interested because they've listed religion as part of who they are, suddenly become less religious.
3. That guy with two kids who said he read my profile and when I told him he missed the part about no kids, told me I was seriously limiting myself because most guys our age who don't have/want children are either impotent or gay (I don't think he knows what impotent means). I thanked that one for his sweeping generalization and informed him that although it might be true in his experience, it was not in mine. Guys with kids can get pretty defensive.
4. The guy who sent me a message telling me that he 'kinda' read my profile and who had the profile picture of his thigh tattoos.
5. The guy who sent me an intial message reading "Hi there, how's your morning going? I was wanting to ask if you would be interested in a sugar daddy arrangement." Yeah, that happened, and dude is 39.
6. ALL the guys who just look at the pictures and then message me even though they have kids/are religious/are outside my age range.

One weird thing is how much guys want to go from speaking on the site to texting because it is "easier". How? Look, almost everyone has a smartphone these days and we are all using the phone app to communicate during the work day so we are basically texting as it is. I don't necessarily want you to have my phone number and in the evening I like communicating on the site because for me, typing is easier than texting (little kid hands and fingers do not do well on little keyboards).

Sometimes I realize that I'm 34 and I'm one of two people I know that are single. Tits is single and she is 44 and could give a fuck really. Meanwhile I've become that girl you know who tells you about her goofy experiences with online dating. I sound jolly and like it's all just a lark but it actually sucks. All I want is a truly nice guy who will let me share a life with him and who will love me and take care of me as I love him and take care of him.

But I guess that is like saying I want a million dollars these days because even the self proclaimed 'nice' guys are jerks who bail on you and then just stop talking to you. Thank god I have the cat because at least this way I technically won't die alone.

Adventures in Dating , 2015 - One Revisited

Remember the really nice guy I went on a date with last Monday? 6'2, former firefighter, full of flattery and nice? We made plans to go out after work on Thursday to play pool, have a few drinks, and have some dinner. I was looking forward to it and I told him that I liked how nice he was and that I hoped that wouldn't change. He assured me that he was just a nice guy by nature so I was pretty happy.

About 45 minutes before I was going to leave, he texted me and said that he'd gotten a service call and had to drive to Fort Worth.I was really bummed because I'd been looking forward to it and I thought we'd have a good time. He was apologetic and when he got home around 9:30, he texted me, apologizing again. On Friday we confirmed that we were both free on Sunday and he asked if I like chicken fried steak (never had it). We talked a bit but didn't formalize any plans.

Haven't heard from that mother fucker since Saturday afternoon. Nice guy my ass. And he told me when we met on Monday that he was on call maybe twice a year and he'd just been on call that past weekend. So service call? Yeah, I'm guessing another girl agreed to go out with him that evening and she edged me out. That's fine and he could have just told me and I'd have wished him well. But to just stop talking to me abruptly and with no explanation? What the fuck? I was really confused and, of course, started wondering what I'd done and what was wrong with me. The Bat assured me that there is nothing wrong with me and that I'm a beautiful, intelligent woman and it's the guy's loss.

Once I figured out that he bailed on me and lied, I went to anger, which is nicer because I'm not sad. I didn't think he and I knew each other well enough to lie to one another and nice guys don't lie.

So now I have very little faith in men and can't trust anyone who says shit about being a nice guy because LIES! I'm not all bitter and jaded but this was a first for me so I'm still trying to adjust to it.

Back to the drawing board I suppose. Stupid men and liars. 

Adventures in Dating, 2015 - Two

Last night found me at Dive Bar with CW, the A/V technician who rides a motorcycle but is lucky enough to be able to take public transportation to work. He provided a nice sigh of relief because, although he is 40, he didn't strike me at all as being an old man. That's something I think about now that I'm approaching my mid 30's; what will 40 be like?

CW is extremely into music but he told me he likes to lead off by letting people know he has a full time job because otherwise he'll look like a starving artist deadbeat, and that isn't exactly appealing to the ladies (he's dead right there). Although he rents a home, he is working towards improving his finances and credit because he would like to buy it from his landlord so that he can renovate it. Interesting mix of the artistic and the handy, have to give him that. He's also very smart and very witty and we laughed quite a bit. And yes, he is attractive.

He actually doesn't live too far from me and his family all lives in Rowlett, which is funny because of the whole small world thing. Apparently his parents and sister and a cousin or aunt or something all live right by one another so it's like a little compound. Tits's family is like that too, which goes to show that some families are super tight.

We only hung out for about two hours but I enjoyed myself. I did not, however, feel any romantic spark and I very honestly and apologetically (the people pleaser in me) told him so in the parking lot. He took it well and was very nice about it and said that sure we could hang out as friends. When I got home and showered, I saw he'd texted me, telling me that although his ego was a bit bruised, he'd get over it, and that he really respected and appreciated how honest and forthright I'd been. He told me that he thought I was a badass, beautiful, and funny. I responded with something or other and then he did something that no one else has ever done. He texted me and asked if there was something in particular that put me off. I responded that I didn't know what it was, I am just very aware of my own emotions. I told him he was clearly intelligent and funny and that I found him attractive but I just didn't feel anything. I told him that he reminds me of my friend Austin, whom I've known for something like 11 years now, and have never had romantic feelings for. I don't know why I was never romantically drawn to him either. And I assured CW that if I did have a reason, I would have told him. I also said that I respected that he'd asked me.

His response was sad because he said he get's told that he's a great guy A LOT but it leads nowhere so he was wondering if there was something off putting that he could work on. That was kind of awesome to hear because he wanted constructive criticism and doesn't look at the world as being filled with horrible women but also wonders if he needs to do something or make a change. I felt kind of bad that I couldn't give him anything.

I do hope we can hang out and be friends but we shall see.

Tomorrow I see TK again for some pool playing, a few drinks, and dinner. I'm meeting him directly after work, which is nice because it means I won't be out late like I have been the last two nights (shut up, I have to get up early for work so staying out till 9 on school night is definitely late, especially when I have to take a shower when I get home).

I will let you know how it goes. 

Adventures in Dating, 2015 - One

So the plans changed do to one guy getting sick (I'll have coffee with him next Monday) and my day sucking, which led me to say "fuck yoga", which I'd planned to do when I got home and ended up going to the Dive Bar to meet a third guy, TK, at about 6.

38, 6'2, outdoorsy (camping!) and doesn't want kids. In fact, he's gone on dates with women and let them know he wasn't into kids and had them tell him on date four that they had them. WTF? He worked for quite a time as a firefighter but got burned out (no pun intended) because he was working full time and also volunteering on the weekends. Now he is a construction supervisor for an electrician company or, uhm, something. Very capable and very sweet and old fashioned. He told me that when I went to the bathroom he thought to himself "man, she's even prettier than her pictures". That was a lovely thing to hear (of course my dumb ass responded with "are my pictures that bad!?") and he was so sweet about it because he prefaced it by telling me he was observant from his various careers and pointed out various electrical problems that he'd noticed. I'm pretty sure he just didn't want me to think he was ogling me like a pervert.

We ended up talking for about three hours and it was really relaxed and comfortable and just nice. He's clearly looking to settle down with someone long term (yay!) and he honestly doesn't want kids. He said that I was a sweet person, straight forward, and honest, which I thought was very nice.

We are going out on Thursday night to play pool, have a few drinks, and have dinner. I look forward to it.

Tonight I see C at Dive Bar so I'll let you know. I asked Tits about dating multiple guys and she suggested that I go on two dates with each guy and pick the one I like the best. It's like being on my very own episode of Ghetto Bachelorette.

Wish me luck because I fucking need it. 

Saturdays with Johan

Single Serving
My pheromones must be in overdrive these days. In the last week I've had two offers from two different men, both older than me and both totally inappropriate (even beyond the whole "Oh, I'm married... separated, but married" thing). I was totally thrown off guard both times because I'm never expecting that sort of 'attention.' It's all very flattering but I have yet to react appropriately. I get scared and confused when men approach me or say nice things about me but I'm getting better about snapping myself out of it and remembering that I'm a grown up and not some fragile, little, delicate girl that needs to be protected from the big, bad world.

I'm assuming this is something I'll have to get used to if things don't work out with J. I've never dated so I don't know how that whole thing works and I don't know that I'm too keen on exploring it. Frankly, right now the only man for me is Johan, my guinea pig, and I don't even want to think about men, J, the future, etc. And actually, Johan is getting a little action himself; my upstairs neighbor takes care of her friend's dog a few days out of the week and this tiny little dog, Isabella, seems to really like my little pig. But Johan only has eyes from me and seems to mainly be annoyed by the tiny dog's presence when she is in my apartment.

But we are a packaged deal so anyone that is interested better be OK with guinea pigs. Poor J is even allergic either to the pig or his hay so you know, I mean it. 

T'is the Season
In other news, football!! Living in Columbus has turned me into a real fan of the game and I'm stoked that it is back on. I missed most of the first OSU game last week because my mother was in town and she isn't into sports. But I woke up to the sound of crop dusters circling, pulling advertisements, a sure sign that there is a game today (am watching OSU v Toledo as I type) and the air will be filled with football for the rest of the day. Thus, I will be watching football and doing housework most Saturdays. And apparently, housework for me is a full contact sport. I was carrying items to the kitchen when I spied an item for the recycling resting on my sofa. When I went to retrieve it, I stumbled and kicked my coffee table, possibly breaking my toe.

Everything about football in Columbus is super fun. If we are talking college, we are talking the Buckeyes. Most people in my office wear some sort of Buckeye gear on Fridays during the season and on game day, the city is awash in a sea of scarlet and gray. I imagine it must be a bit intimidating to play in the Horseshoe because when you see the game on TV, you just see red, and the stadium is always packed.  People tailgate and barbecue and there are red cups everywhere. The sense of community is unbelievable and everybody is friends this day.

If we are talking pro, well, people here seem mainly to be college sports fans but there are rabid Browns and Bengals fans. Sports bars on game day are loud with shouts and hands beating on tables as people scream at the televisions. You get in early and set up shop at your table as you'll be there long after you've finished eating, probably accumulating many empty glasses and/or beer bottles. Again, there is a sense of community as everyone in the bar/restaurant is rooting for the same team and everyone feels equally invested in the team.

For someone like me who grew up in a state without a pro sports team or a college team that is at the same level as the Big Ten teams, it is really incredible to witness the rituals of football. But I'll tell you what, lay out some good food, cheap beer, and good people and I'm all over it.