What I Do These Days

I posted the picture of the donkey that I drew and figured I might as well come clean. I've spent too much time during this work week drawing pictures. Bad pictures. Here are the other two.

Weasel

 

Elephant

Seeing as they aren't that great, one might wonder how much time I actually spent. Well, I have to find a picture online (thank you google.com/images!) and then copy from that, usually over notes I've made during the day. There is something therapeutic about it when I'm in a rotten mood.

In other work news

I'm moving! I get to move to a new cubicle and I am ridiculously stoked because it's a great cubicle. What makes it so great is that it is tucked away in a place where few venture on a daily basis so I'll get to hide away from the rest of the office. I made the request to move because there is a lot of traffic in my hallway that I tune out. Then someone will need me and they'll come to my cubicle and scare the living shit out of me (I'm jumpy). But the other benefit is that I won't have to deal with knowing when Stalker passes by. I know that sounds weird but I can usually tell who it is behind me and he has a distinctive walk. I'm still annoyed about his emailing me with his request so I'm more on edge these days. Hell, I had a nightmare last night and he was in it, threatening to tell everyone I work with about what happened. So that distance is a good thing.

Also, my friend, Hunter, is coming back to my office! He's only going to be here for a blink of an eye but I didn't think I'd see him again for years so this is a total bonus. All of my really good friends live thousands of miles away from me so I never get to see anyone and I made the mistake of becoming this guy's friend knowing that he lives far away (everyone else just fucking moved on me). So yippee.

Now I just have to hope my boss doesn't give me an awkward or bad performance review in the next coming months and I should have confirmation for my belief that 31 is going to be a good year (all it takes, apparently, is getting to move to a new cubicle and having a friend visit for a day).

Maybe I am being blind or setting myself up for disappointment but I feel like we are making good progress and am more confident that this will all work out. It will take time but we are talking and listening to one another. We aren't yelling at each other. He gets defensive and angry at first but that is because he's worried I'm blaming him or attacking him. More importantly, he controls himself and calms quickly when I explain things and that means he's listening and hearing me. And I'm hearing him. I was surprised by some things but, in retrospect, I see where he is coming from. This is good because it means I can recognize the negative behaviors and so can identify them in the future and modify my behaviors into healthy ones.

But the point is, we are both receptive to one another and that means we are not at the point where we would need counseling to deal with one another. And it means we are both in this to put in the work.

We are taking today and tomorrow off, planning to meet up on Thursday. During this time we are to think about what we need from one another and what things came up to bring us to this point.  And we'll discuss them and, hopefully, deal with them.

The point is that I have hope. I am scared and will be unless or until we work out. But I feel more confident about our relationship and about our love than I have done in a very long time. I know that sounds bizarre because he is out of the house, but we are finally being candid and honest and that is what we need.