Quicksilver

Remember a few hours ago when I was all "I'm getting back on the wagon and going to the gym after work"? Yeah, fuck that shit. I'm going home, huddling into my couch, and reading a book. I feel like crap, worse now than earlier, and don't want to be bothered. I also seem incapable of doing any real work for more than fifteen minutes at a time. Instead, I'm emailing/pestering/annoying my friends with random things such as:

"A girl I work with just said "I loooove veggies". I told her that is because she is a genetic freak whilst thinking "fuck you skinny, healthy, in shape chick."

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I will blow the man who can get me to eat vegetables on a daily basis.

I really think it would be a man, too, because a woman would make me want to rebel and throw apples when I had a flash back to my mother making me eat green beans (which I would try to swallow without chewing with the aid of my milk... grossest thing ever).

Maybe I can put an ad on Craig's list...."

I also got Birdy to agree to let me ride in her utility cart down the hallway to the ladies room:

And now I am surrounded by large binders of audits that I need to QA. That makes me sound important, doesn't it? Really, I'm just flipping pages to make sure there are no misplaced documents or mixed medical records before Birdy sends them out. Super fun. But, it's about the speed I'm on right now so I may as well be grateful.

You know, seeing as most of the grownups are out of the office at the moment, I wonder if I could get away with changing into my gym clothes. Not that I'm going to the gym (I'm totally not, even if I did eat a little bag of popcorn and more M&Ms), but I'd be comfy. My sweater is making me sweat my tits off because today is actually nice compared to yesterday when I didn't have alcohol coursing through my veins and froze all day long.

Fine, fuck it, I'll go and do the elliptical (if I tried running I'm pretty sure I'd puke). This is the third time I've updated this post. Quicksilver was a good and premonitory title. 

And it is only stupid Tuesday

That is how I feel today. Yeah, I guess that makes a load of sense, huh? Yellow makes that picture feel uncomfortable (well, it does if you are me and you are a synesthete) and in my head I just keep thinking "dude.... what the fuck."

Yes lady and gentleman (I'm being kind and assuming I have two readers), I fell off the wagon last night and am still just walking beside it today. Stupid fucking sugar detox. Stupid fucking friend, KR, who is all healthy and inspiring and good at this shit. I had wine last night. Lots of it. I was supposed to just have 'some' because I have to run today but nope, I decided I'd have lots and not really eat much. Cause I'm smart. So I'm hungover today and treating said hangover with M&Ms and Sun Chips (three little bags). I am also drinking lots of water though, so I'm not a total fuck up.

I do like that the extent of my fucking up is pretty minimal. A little bit of candy, some chips, oh, and soda. Oh my god! Soda!!! How I missed my diet Coke. I think I told three people and the vending machine "I'm going to drink the fuck out of my diet Coke" and I did! It was glorious and I am filled with effervescent happiness just reminiscing about it. But yeah, I didn't have Chinese food or pizza and I didn't just sit and eat an entire cake on my own or anything. Really, the damage is minimal (or else I'm just talking myself out of feeling uber guilty).

I'm not taking this whole day off mind you. If the chips and M&Ms don't help, I'm just going back to the protein and nuts and unhappiness that I've been hanging out with for the past week (heh, nuts). And I'm still going to the gym, if only to punish myself by making myself run and sweat out the alcohol and feel awful. I couldn't run yesterday because I fucked up my shot on Sunday night and hit something and so had a very painful thigh. I did core work instead and discovered that my hip doesn't work right. Seriously, there are certain moves I can no longer do because it feels like my hip is going to come out of its socket. I've had this feeling before, whilst climbing a rock wall in college (oh those glorious days when I was healthy and thin!) and when I tried to be on top for sex (yeah, weird and random, right? I've not been on top in years and I don't really do blow jobs so I am the most spoiled sexual partner of all time). But not being able to exercise is a new one and I wonder if it has to do with running. Lousy body. I bet it wants calcium or something. There's calcium in prenatal vitamins, right?

So, yeah, that's where I am today. As I emailed my best friend, "being at work not hungover is awesome. I am at work and I'm hungover. " She jumped off the wagon last night in her own way. She also provided me with some of the best comments ever and I'll leave you with them to brighten you day:

Via text that came out of the blue:
"Soooo. Got so drunk last night that I peed the bed. A lot."

Email conversation:

ME: "So are you going to Taco Shack tonight?"

HER: "Hells yeah we're going to taco shack! I'm going to mow down on some yummy tacos and then  later tonight I'm going to give up my taco to him. That should make him feel better and be less mad at me."  

And that, that right there, is why she is my best friend.

And in case you were wondering, yes, she did give up her taco. I totally asked. Oh, and I think Taco Shack is actually the name of the restaurant.