Why I Am Late to Work on Monday (yet again)

Very rarely there are statistics about word searches that drive people to this goofy blog. I am delighted to report that this morning I found the following keyword search terms: fuck and unisex jumpsuits.

Really? People really google the word 'fuck'? I would never think to google a single word like that, although yesterday I did search 'veruca salt' because J and I couldn't remember what happened to her (we were able to recall what happened to Violet, Augustus, and Mike, just not Veruca) but that isn't the same thing, is it? I can google 'veruca salt' at work; I don't think I'd feel comfortable googling 'fuck' at work just in case my boss randomly decided to have IT pull my internet log. It would be like finding that I'd googled 'murder' or 'erotica' or something. Not because 'fuck' is intrinsically wrong but because of the nature of the internet. You can look up the term 'macromastia' in an effort to research a medical condition only to be met by images of naked breasted women (this actually happens occasionally at work because of the nature of what one of our departments does). Looking up 'fuck' would most likely bring an image or 700 or porn sites.

And 'unisex jumpsuits'? I just cannot imagine why someone would google this but I'd love to know so if anyone has any thoughts, please let me know. I'm all for the unisex jumpsuit, as I stated in a previous post. I'm all for anything that would simplify my wardrobe responsibilities as they apply to the work place. In fact, the only thing I have against France's ban on full face veils and burqas is that these items are attractive on truly all over ugly days (I'm not going to go into a tangent about what I really think of the ban because this is supposed to be a light and fun post). Seriously. My girlfriend in Oregon recently converted to Islam and jokingly said she'd send me some of her old hijabs. I really liked this idea because then I could just bypass bad hair days. J was totally against the idea but the head scarves haven't rolled in so it is a non-issue.

Fuck. I'm going to be late for work because of this post. Now, if I had a unisex jumpsuit uniform at work and a hijab, getting dressed/ready would be much quicker.

Bring on the unisex jump suits

You'll notice that my hair changes. It does sometimes, maybe I have pig tails, maybe it is down. But usually it looks shitty and I don't have bangs because I have a mother fucking cow lick which I have no idea what is but prevents me from being able to rock bangs.

When I draw comics of myself I try to make my dress a different color for variety's sake but in real life, I'm very boring and stick to black, gray, and navy/denim as much as I possibly can. It is a rare day indeed that I'm not wearing either black or jeans so really, if I were to be true to who I am comic style, I would look boring and depressed. Really, I'm just lazy and play it safe. Do you know how easy it is when you only wear a handful of colors? Super easy is how. The clothing in my closet that doesn't get worn is the clothing that is some random color or style that doesn't match a fuck thing I own (or else won't fit my fat ass without fishing wire and crisco). But black matches EVERYTHING! Why wouldn't I just wear that?

Actually, if I had the balls (figuratively of course), I would wear all black every day with maybe a pop of color in the shoe. In my dream world, I wear black leggings or tights, a black skirt, and a black top every single day. I'm all for uniforms. I don't need to 'express' who I am through what I'm wearing. The denim jacket and black ballet flats that I'm wearing right now don't say a mother fucking thing. They just keep me slightly warm and prevent me from fucking up my feet. Who gets dressed thinking "I want my outfit to scream to every sighted person who I am and what I'm about" other than hipsters?

I like people who say they don't care about physical appearance and so they dress really shitty on purpose to show you just how above the whole superficial melee they are. But guess what dicks, you put just as much effort into buying shitty crap to make sure people think that you don't care as other people do into buying non shitty crap. The only people who probably truly don't give a shit are farmers who wear overalls and plaid shirts.

So get over yourselves hipsters and too cool for school types. When you die you'll probably shit yourself like the rest of us regardless of your interesting facial hair and tight pants.