I seriously don't know what is happening but it seems like life has decided to take a spin on the tilt-a-whirl. We'll start with an update.
The hospital didn't get back to J about a bone scan and he was told it would be at least a week. Uhm, OK, dude has a massive tumor on his back and pelvis and his specialist wants him to get a bone scan ASAP for obvious reasons but let's not rush it? J called them today and found out that his MRI had been given to one of the hospital doctors to review and the receptionist was going to put in a status update request with hopes of getting some information and get J scheduled. I haven't heard from him so I don't know what happened. I told him yesterday that he can talk to me about whatever he wants whenever he wants but I'm not going to constantly ask about the tumors or anything because it sucks when people treat you like you are only what is going on with your health. So I'm waiting for him to reach out. My hopes are not high but I've gotten to a place where I'm pretty numb.
In other news, I found out today that I will be out of a job later this year. They are canceling the project I work on so my entire department is pretty fucked. We were assured that there are over 100 open positions in the company and our managers will help us as best they can to get us placed elsewhere. But basically, we were informed by two very chipper higher ups that our jobs will be obsolete over the next few months to a year.
I'm losing my job. I fucking spent a ton of money to move to Texas for this job that turned out to be nothing I was told it would be and now I'm losing it. I've been looking for a new job and it has been fruitless and now I have to work even harder. It isn't just being unemployed that terrifies me but what I'll do without health benefits. If I weren't all fucked up with health issues it would be one thing, but I can't fucking afford my prescriptions without coverage. And I don't know how much it costs for COBRA but I know it isn't cheap.
I've been with this company for seven years and I've spent the last two years being fucked over time and again and now the ax is pretty much all the way down. I don't know what to do. I mean, I know to keep working towards finding new employment but I just don't know what to do with myself since everything seems to be falling apart. Someone I care about very much is facing terrible news regarding his health and I'm almost out of a job. And I now officially have nothing to do at work because all of my tasks were based on a client we aren't actually going to be working with.
Two people have suggested that this means I can move out of Texas but for one thing, that costs a lot of money, as I know having just moved her two years ago. And I need a job before I can even think of relocating. And god damn it, I'm tired of moving and I've made a few friends here and don't want to start all over. I'm so tired of moving and trying to make friends as an adult. I just want to be settled in my shitty, ghetto-ass apartment and finally set down some roots and form a new little family of friends.
I try my best to stay positive and find the bright side and all of that, just like I've always done. But it's getting harder and harder and I don't know how much I have left in the way of reserves to find the bright side or stay positive. I feel like ever since I moved to Texas, one of the dumbest decisions I've ever made, I can't catch a break. I'm trying so hard but the hole I dug is made out of sand and I can't find a purchase anywhere.
At some point things have to start going my way, don't they? Even just a little bit? I know my life is still a lot better than many others and that I'm very lucky but damn it, this fucking sucks and I'm sick of it.
The hospital didn't get back to J about a bone scan and he was told it would be at least a week. Uhm, OK, dude has a massive tumor on his back and pelvis and his specialist wants him to get a bone scan ASAP for obvious reasons but let's not rush it? J called them today and found out that his MRI had been given to one of the hospital doctors to review and the receptionist was going to put in a status update request with hopes of getting some information and get J scheduled. I haven't heard from him so I don't know what happened. I told him yesterday that he can talk to me about whatever he wants whenever he wants but I'm not going to constantly ask about the tumors or anything because it sucks when people treat you like you are only what is going on with your health. So I'm waiting for him to reach out. My hopes are not high but I've gotten to a place where I'm pretty numb.
In other news, I found out today that I will be out of a job later this year. They are canceling the project I work on so my entire department is pretty fucked. We were assured that there are over 100 open positions in the company and our managers will help us as best they can to get us placed elsewhere. But basically, we were informed by two very chipper higher ups that our jobs will be obsolete over the next few months to a year.
I'm losing my job. I fucking spent a ton of money to move to Texas for this job that turned out to be nothing I was told it would be and now I'm losing it. I've been looking for a new job and it has been fruitless and now I have to work even harder. It isn't just being unemployed that terrifies me but what I'll do without health benefits. If I weren't all fucked up with health issues it would be one thing, but I can't fucking afford my prescriptions without coverage. And I don't know how much it costs for COBRA but I know it isn't cheap.
I've been with this company for seven years and I've spent the last two years being fucked over time and again and now the ax is pretty much all the way down. I don't know what to do. I mean, I know to keep working towards finding new employment but I just don't know what to do with myself since everything seems to be falling apart. Someone I care about very much is facing terrible news regarding his health and I'm almost out of a job. And I now officially have nothing to do at work because all of my tasks were based on a client we aren't actually going to be working with.
Two people have suggested that this means I can move out of Texas but for one thing, that costs a lot of money, as I know having just moved her two years ago. And I need a job before I can even think of relocating. And god damn it, I'm tired of moving and I've made a few friends here and don't want to start all over. I'm so tired of moving and trying to make friends as an adult. I just want to be settled in my shitty, ghetto-ass apartment and finally set down some roots and form a new little family of friends.
I try my best to stay positive and find the bright side and all of that, just like I've always done. But it's getting harder and harder and I don't know how much I have left in the way of reserves to find the bright side or stay positive. I feel like ever since I moved to Texas, one of the dumbest decisions I've ever made, I can't catch a break. I'm trying so hard but the hole I dug is made out of sand and I can't find a purchase anywhere.
At some point things have to start going my way, don't they? Even just a little bit? I know my life is still a lot better than many others and that I'm very lucky but damn it, this fucking sucks and I'm sick of it.
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