The Bat and I talked, at first through email and later in person. At first I was really disappointed and thought he might be breaking up with me because he said something along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel that way but I understand. I enjoy your company but what you are looking for is more than I am willing to offer at this point in my life." Further prodding told me that he doesn't really have anything to offer, which was a weird statement for him to make. When we talked later, he told me he liked how things were now but that his commitment was to his daughter. I told him that yes, I know that and I told him a long time ago that if that wasn't the case, I wouldn't like him. I said I was just looking for a little optimism. He made a weird laughing noise that suggested that optimism in relationships was beyond him at the moment.
I sort of get it but my god do I want to kick his ex wife in the twat. She really did a number on him and it sucks for him that he can't trust or open up at all. I don't want to take Monkey's place whatsoever. I just want my own little corner.
Now that we have all of our cards on the table, I'm interested to see what happens. After all, I do like him and enjoy being with him so I'm not 100% miserable all the time or anything. I think I just really needed to know what it was he was thinking. He said, regarding long term, that you don't know until you are in a relationship and then go from there. So I guess he is still slowly dipping his toe in the water. That's fine, that's understandable. But he has told me before that he is looking for long-term (though he doesn't remember because he was a bit worse for the wear [hey, it was a Saturday and Monkey was at a sleepover]) but it's fine. I get it and I have no desire to push him. Maybe I'm just more resilient because my past relationships were so very different than the train wreck that was his.
Whatever it is, I needn't worry about it because it is one of those things that is outside of me and outside of my control. It is all within him and something he needs to figure out/work out if he wants to. Hopefully he'll find his way to trust me a bit and develop some optimism but, if not, that's OK too, I don't have to stay with him. But I'm happy at the moment, and I'm more comfortable now that everything is out in the open and I now know how he feels. I know who I am and what I have to offer, what I'm willing to offer, and I know that it takes time to figure that out.
So I'll be patient and see if he is willing to stop dipping just his toe and maybe wade out a bit, even if his first few steps remain in the shallows.
I sort of get it but my god do I want to kick his ex wife in the twat. She really did a number on him and it sucks for him that he can't trust or open up at all. I don't want to take Monkey's place whatsoever. I just want my own little corner.
Now that we have all of our cards on the table, I'm interested to see what happens. After all, I do like him and enjoy being with him so I'm not 100% miserable all the time or anything. I think I just really needed to know what it was he was thinking. He said, regarding long term, that you don't know until you are in a relationship and then go from there. So I guess he is still slowly dipping his toe in the water. That's fine, that's understandable. But he has told me before that he is looking for long-term (though he doesn't remember because he was a bit worse for the wear [hey, it was a Saturday and Monkey was at a sleepover]) but it's fine. I get it and I have no desire to push him. Maybe I'm just more resilient because my past relationships were so very different than the train wreck that was his.
Whatever it is, I needn't worry about it because it is one of those things that is outside of me and outside of my control. It is all within him and something he needs to figure out/work out if he wants to. Hopefully he'll find his way to trust me a bit and develop some optimism but, if not, that's OK too, I don't have to stay with him. But I'm happy at the moment, and I'm more comfortable now that everything is out in the open and I now know how he feels. I know who I am and what I have to offer, what I'm willing to offer, and I know that it takes time to figure that out.
So I'll be patient and see if he is willing to stop dipping just his toe and maybe wade out a bit, even if his first few steps remain in the shallows.
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