Little Miss Cranky

How is it possible to be in a funk on  Thursday afternoon when I only have an hour left of work? I was plowing through my work this morning, listening to Jango (the only free streaming music station that has yet to be blocked by my company's firewalls as far as I can tell) and then WHAM! I hit this wall of frustration because I'm a cry baby when I can't seem to figure things out. I'm not literally crying but I'm incredibly frustrated that I cannot, for the life of me, mock up a file. I've tried copying over an actual file in production but fucked that up. I took a file from production and literally typed a line of:

12345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890

so that I would know, with all certainty, where each element was supposed to start (as in, element A begins in space 1 whilst element C, regardless of how many characters, begins at space 271). But that didn't work either and I was told to just write over a production file (which I already tried) by the most patient fucking developer of all time.

And that was AFTER I read my morning emails and discovered one that basically said "remember how I told you guys that you each have four tracks to test by Friday so you'll need to make your test case workbooks and gave you 2.5 days notice? Yeah, deployment has been pushed back to June so I hope neither one of you have started working on that." What the fuck, bitch? Did you think we were going to leave it until today when the testing had to be complete by Friday? OF COURSE THAT IS WHAT I WAS BLOODY WORKING ON.

And then the monthly team meeting, during which time I had to listen to King Shit talk about how X was on the back burner because there was a problem with Y and that takes priority because it affects EVERYTHING and after that he has all this work and all this work and blah blah blah. Uhm, you also said you can't move forward with super important project Y until you get answers back from the vendor so yeah, you can be working on X and stop sounding so god damn self important. Meanwhile, ding bat over here can't seem to mock up a god damn file, furiously worked on putting together three and a half test case workbooks for something that isn't needed till next month, and finished four specs that should have been one.

I actually want to beat something up or break a bunch of dishes or something. I have a feeling that stocking shelves at the library is not going to have the same soothing affect on me.Then again, it is a pretty peaceful activity, just listening to music and stocking and shelving.

There is also something else nagging at my mind but I can't think what it is. I'm not sure if I'm afraid to identify it or if I just don't know. Does that ever happen? It's almost like knowing that you forgot something but you can't put your finger on it. But instead, there is something troubling you or something amiss and you can't even identify what part of your life it resides in. I hate that feeling so I'm going to just pretend it isn't there for awhile and wait until it fully matures and develops until I worry about it.

Here's hoping that funk or no funk, I remain productive through my last hour of work and manage to drag my ass to the library to get my volunteering on.