Things That Annoy Me at the Moment
Morning birds. Morning birds need to shut the fuck up and go back to sleep until 10 a.m. in my opinion because they are never welcome in any situation. Camping? Those fuckers make sure I'm awake by dawn. Weekend? They start their twittering and chirping too damned early and I can't tune them out. Work week? It's as though they are mocking me with their happy chirruping as I stumble out to my car. I just hate those things so much right now.
My bra. It's black and strapless and I have to wear it inside out or else the cups sort of poke out and look ridiculous. It is not comfortable and it is a pain in the ass to put on and take off. But my only other strapless bra is a white-person-nude piece of shit that serves zero purpose as it provides no support and prevents zero nipple protection. I really need to get rid of both of these and buy proper ones. People talk about how we were supposed to have flying cars by this point in time but what bugs me is that we don't have those unisex jumpsuits yet because that would make my life so much easier.
Bubbles shat on my bed again, for no discernible reason. I'd just made the bed after lint rolling off all of her fur and then I had to wash two blankets and a set of sheets because she couldn't be bothered to use her litter box. I figured maybe she wanted a cleaner box so I cleaned it. When I came back to the room she was peeing on the fucking wall. She's acting like a little cunt lately and she has one more act of disobedience of cuntiness and I'm taking her to a no kill shelter.
Fleas
I've had animals pretty much my entire life. There is not a time since I became sentient that I can recall my mother not having a poodle in the house (standard, not tea cup) and Johan has been with me for the last 5 years, Bubbles for almost 1. Never have I experienced any fleas with any of these creatures. But last week Monkey found one on one of the dogs and so on Wednesday, the Bat flea bombed the house. The dogs were in the back yard and Bubbles was put in a dog cage in the greenhouse, with Johan's cage on top. When the Bat and I got back from date night, we sat in the greenhouse and let Bubbles out but made her wait 20 minutes before going back into the house to be on the safe side. Johan we let run around the entire time we were out there.
The next morning, I found that Bubbles had shit and thrown up on my bed to let me know she was none too pleased. On my way to work, the Bat called me to let me know that during his morning rounds, he brought Johan back inside because we'd left him in the greenhouse ALL NIGHT. I was horrified and felt just awful and went straight home after work to make sure he was properly taken care of and to throw my blanket/sheets into the washer. Johan didn't seem at all disturbed and has proven to be far more forgiving then his cunt of a sister.
Actually, you know what? I think my mother once told me that we did have fleas and they only seemed to bite Teacher, my middle brother. So my earlier statement was a lie. I am not to be trusted.
Anything Else
It's Monday. Bleh. I'd say Mondays are the worst but let's face it, if we had them off we'd bitch about Tuesdays. Well some people would, but not me. I'd just be stoked that we'd moved to a four day work week. So what did I do with my weekend? On Saturday we took the boat out for about 20 seconds before realizing that the water was too choppy. The Bat's youngest brother came with his family and the baby got hit with a wave of water and lost her shit (as I would have done in her position). The Bat gave Monkey a driving lesson after she asked if she could drive the boat. That went... well, OK, I guess. She wasn't pleased because it wasn't easy and her dad wouldn't let her just quit. (Remember that episode of the Simpsons where Homer asked Bart what happened or why he didn't do x and Bart said "I wasn't good at it right away and it was hard so I quit"? Yeah, I thought about that too). But eventually, towards the end when she got the hang of it a bit, it got better. The rest of the day was just lazy.
Yesterday I slept till about 8:30 and then made coffee and read a book (Meaty by Samantha Irby) for about an hour. Then the Bat came in and told me that he had everything set up for me to cut up the bad wood for trash. So I spent a minimum of two hours using a compound miter saw to cut wood into smaller pieces so that we can throw it away over the next few weeks. Because I am an indentured servant. I also made burgers. And fell asleep in my room watching a bunch of Miss Marple. Because I'm super young.
Here's hoping I enjoy this week and break out of my morning funk pretty soon.
Morning birds. Morning birds need to shut the fuck up and go back to sleep until 10 a.m. in my opinion because they are never welcome in any situation. Camping? Those fuckers make sure I'm awake by dawn. Weekend? They start their twittering and chirping too damned early and I can't tune them out. Work week? It's as though they are mocking me with their happy chirruping as I stumble out to my car. I just hate those things so much right now.
My bra. It's black and strapless and I have to wear it inside out or else the cups sort of poke out and look ridiculous. It is not comfortable and it is a pain in the ass to put on and take off. But my only other strapless bra is a white-person-nude piece of shit that serves zero purpose as it provides no support and prevents zero nipple protection. I really need to get rid of both of these and buy proper ones. People talk about how we were supposed to have flying cars by this point in time but what bugs me is that we don't have those unisex jumpsuits yet because that would make my life so much easier.
Bubbles shat on my bed again, for no discernible reason. I'd just made the bed after lint rolling off all of her fur and then I had to wash two blankets and a set of sheets because she couldn't be bothered to use her litter box. I figured maybe she wanted a cleaner box so I cleaned it. When I came back to the room she was peeing on the fucking wall. She's acting like a little cunt lately and she has one more act of disobedience of cuntiness and I'm taking her to a no kill shelter.
Fleas
I've had animals pretty much my entire life. There is not a time since I became sentient that I can recall my mother not having a poodle in the house (standard, not tea cup) and Johan has been with me for the last 5 years, Bubbles for almost 1. Never have I experienced any fleas with any of these creatures. But last week Monkey found one on one of the dogs and so on Wednesday, the Bat flea bombed the house. The dogs were in the back yard and Bubbles was put in a dog cage in the greenhouse, with Johan's cage on top. When the Bat and I got back from date night, we sat in the greenhouse and let Bubbles out but made her wait 20 minutes before going back into the house to be on the safe side. Johan we let run around the entire time we were out there.
The next morning, I found that Bubbles had shit and thrown up on my bed to let me know she was none too pleased. On my way to work, the Bat called me to let me know that during his morning rounds, he brought Johan back inside because we'd left him in the greenhouse ALL NIGHT. I was horrified and felt just awful and went straight home after work to make sure he was properly taken care of and to throw my blanket/sheets into the washer. Johan didn't seem at all disturbed and has proven to be far more forgiving then his cunt of a sister.
Actually, you know what? I think my mother once told me that we did have fleas and they only seemed to bite Teacher, my middle brother. So my earlier statement was a lie. I am not to be trusted.
Anything Else
It's Monday. Bleh. I'd say Mondays are the worst but let's face it, if we had them off we'd bitch about Tuesdays. Well some people would, but not me. I'd just be stoked that we'd moved to a four day work week. So what did I do with my weekend? On Saturday we took the boat out for about 20 seconds before realizing that the water was too choppy. The Bat's youngest brother came with his family and the baby got hit with a wave of water and lost her shit (as I would have done in her position). The Bat gave Monkey a driving lesson after she asked if she could drive the boat. That went... well, OK, I guess. She wasn't pleased because it wasn't easy and her dad wouldn't let her just quit. (Remember that episode of the Simpsons where Homer asked Bart what happened or why he didn't do x and Bart said "I wasn't good at it right away and it was hard so I quit"? Yeah, I thought about that too). But eventually, towards the end when she got the hang of it a bit, it got better. The rest of the day was just lazy.
Yesterday I slept till about 8:30 and then made coffee and read a book (Meaty by Samantha Irby) for about an hour. Then the Bat came in and told me that he had everything set up for me to cut up the bad wood for trash. So I spent a minimum of two hours using a compound miter saw to cut wood into smaller pieces so that we can throw it away over the next few weeks. Because I am an indentured servant. I also made burgers. And fell asleep in my room watching a bunch of Miss Marple. Because I'm super young.
Here's hoping I enjoy this week and break out of my morning funk pretty soon.
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