Bubbles

Internet, meet Bubbles, Bubbles, meet internet.

Yep, I got a cat. Murdoch got Bubbles years ago, I think to have a cat for his daughter during her visitation. She has her own cat, Merlin, who she's had for awhile. When Murdoch moved back to the family home after the ex split, Bubbles hid a lot. Then she evidently became a mean girl and bullied and hissed at Merlin. Murdoch couldn't, obviously, get rid of Merlin because his daughter loves him and Murdoch isn't a dick, so Bubbles had to go. He said he was going to drop her off on the side of the road but I have a feeling he would have taken her to a shelter. Either way, she was likely a goner. So I said I'd take her.

I'm glad I did. For one thing, I've been dying to help Murdoch out in some way. I know he's super stressed a lot and I never know what I can do. So even though he could have gotten rid of her in other ways, I was happy to take her off his hands and make it easier for him. For two, I like cats and I know Bubbles. I didn't like the idea of her being put in a field or killed in a shelter or sent to live with an unfamiliar family. She knows me well enough that she's acclimated quickly. I picked her up Wednesday after work and by Thursday evening she was out and about and letting me pet her. So far she hasn't shown too much interest in Johan and he doesn't give a shit about her so that's good. I actually accidentally left my bedroom door open on Wednesday night and so she had free reign in my apartment but Johan was unmolested.

I've always wanted a cat. My mom doesn't like them so we always had dogs, which I also like. But I don't think it is fair to have a dog when you live in an apartment unless you take it out all the time to big parks and things. J was allergic. Then I just figured I couldn't because of Johan and I didn't want to buy one. So perfect storm of happiness there.

Sort of. The night I picked her up, Murdoch and I got into a huge fight. When Murdoch was going through the custody thing, he shut down and didn't talk much about it. So I thought he was the sort who didn't want to talk about shit and I never asked. He thought I was self centered and didn't care. We are both all about being open and honest but neither of us has done a good job about being open with one another until we hit critical mass. We would be perfect for a Shakespearean Comedy. Whilst the fight well and truly sucked, it was also a bit of a relief. Biting my tongue and not asking him if he's OK, asking what's going on, was well and truly sucky. I'm very caring and nurturing by nature and so I wasn't being myself. I'm also very affectionate and I like doing little things but I was always afraid I'd upset him further. I should have asked him about this sort of thing but didn't. He should have told me earlier but didn't. We both fucked up. But now we both know and I get a chance to be myself and show him just ho much I care about him. If it doesn't work out after that, at least we'll have given it a shot with my being my authentic self.

Not that I presented anything false, mind you. I just muzzled myself a lot. I made a bad decision and it blew up in my face. I own that. I should have taken a different path or at least realized I could have switched paths at some point. I didn't and I can't undo that. But I can move on and learn from my mistakes. Because I love Murdoch and I care about him and his kids tremendously. And I feel lighter now, not having to hide how I feel, not having to not ask the questions I want to ask. I do hope it works out. I think he does as well.

And to end on a happy note, here is another picture of the Bubbles.