A Thank You from an Asshole

I think I've proven what an asshole I am. Not just because of how irreverent I am or whatever but because I realized that I throw tantrums that would put a toddler to shame (I mean, come on, put your 3 or 4 year old up against me? I'd totally win).

But I still manage to have friends. The Laundress expressed her condolences regarding the death of my Viking. She doesn't know me beyond this blog so she can be forgiven for 'liking' the asshole that I am. But the others who have been so kind to me, including Teacher, who has known me my entire life, they have no way out.

Some of you just truly like me and care about me. My broads, my Hunter, Kara, my BFF. They all care about me even though I'm batshit insane, even though I have treated them badly, even though I'm me. They all wrap me in the warmth of their love, their care, and their thoughts.

I've known since I was what we now call a 'tween' that I am a very lucky girl. I've known for the last ten years that I'm lucky because people care about me and love me regardless of who and what I am. You know, I called Tits recently and said to her "I really appreciate the fact that you are my friend. I mean, I'm bipolar, I'm an atheist, and I own a gun; I'm a trifecta of scary". She started laughing. I was so sincere but she laughed at "trifecta of scary" and frankly, I can't blame her (though I don't think her take of "trinity of darkness" was much better). But that is why she and I are friends. I can be totally sincere and outline these reasons why others might be afraid of me and she'll just start laughing hilariously and make me joke on my own sincerity. Fucking cunt.

There is a lot wrong with me, so much. There is a lot wrong with us all. I know I have it better than most but part of why I can say that I have it better than most is because I always have people who love and care for me and who will be there for me.

I have Hunter, my best friend, who can make me laugh and calm me down.

I have BFF, who once kicked the couch and said "wake up and help me eat these tater tots!" and who now has an adorable little tater tot that I CANNOT wait to meet.

I have Teacher, who always has a book to recommend and who will talk to me via video so that I can see him and his beautiful wife and children.

I have my Broads, who will take me out for fried food and drinks and listen to my ridiculous woes.

I have Mark, who knows me through Cassie, who knows me through my ex and yet is still there with a kind word.

Jeremy and Laura, the fucking wackiest couple I know and the couple I most want to shoot with.

Upstairs Kid.

Powerful woman.

Work friends.

So many friends.

I have Kara, who will bring a bottle of wine to my mom's gatherings to get me through them and who keeps a blog that I love.

I have Health Nut, I have BFF's sister and mother. I have so many wonderful and lovely people that I love
so much and who, for some unknown reason, love me.

I am beyond fortunate, beyond grateful, beyond in debt to all the love and loveliness shown to me. And so here I am, cracking my knee as I bow down in the gratitude that only a bad ass Sho Gun can, saying thank you, to all of you.

I don't celebrate religious holidays because I'm an atheist, but I am not a terrible person who does not know gratitude. I wish I could be one of those people who could name you all but I'm not that great. All of you, and you know who you are, you are important to me and I'm so thankful to you for being there for me.

Thank you.