Wanna Ride My Pony?

This is lame

I just remembered that the other night I dreamed that I had a paper towel holder. Not the kind attached to the cabinets, like I had at my last place, but the stand alone kind. It apparently came with my new place. I was so stoked. I remembered this dream as I was pulling out a new role of paper towels and it was a real buzz kill.

This is Life
I had an interesting time at work. One moment I felt like I was getting a lot done and the next I felt like I wasn't getting anything taken care of. That's what happens when you know you have a pile of "oh my god" needs on your plate but you are taking care of loose ends to clear the way. I also had moments where I was super confident followed, almost immediately after, with confusion and ridiculousness. I was talking to Suzy about a project that needed Texas physicians and I was all confident and smart and on top of shit. Then one of her colleagues started asking me questions about what I thought was the same project and I was getting frustrated and all "don't you fucking people talk to one another" only to realize, an embarrassingly long time later, that she was talking about something else all together, the only link being Texas. The bipolar roller coaster of my working life. Riding high one minute, in my element, and then crashing down back into my stupidity. Awesome.

I also spent a weird amount of time combing through my archived emails in order to answer one department's question about physician reimbursement and the legal department's question about an original contracted agreement. I do not work for finance, legal, or contracts. But then, I also do not work for marketing but have been involved in all manner of discussions in which they say "Cat, where do you go to find a medical director?" Very few people in my company take the time to figure out what it is that I am actually responsible for. Many, many people decide and assume what I am responsible for and, some how, I am the one who looks pathetic and stupid. It's kind of rad. But I'm looking on the bright side as best I can and here is what I have so far.

1. New hours. On my old Manager's last day, I decided I wanted to work 7:30 to 4:30 instead of 8-5. I didn't ask *anyone, I just changed it. After all, New Guy isn't that interested in approving my PTO request for August 29 (date of my dissolution court date) or my request to have the correct building access for my badge (made July 1) so I don't think he'd care. 
2. Ability to actively work with other divisions. Old Manager was antagonistic and refused to allow me to work in a congenial and productive way with other divisions. It was part Napoleon complex and part in-group out-group bias and it affected everyone but him. Now I can help and do my thing and we all benefit in various ways. And really, it's a weird relief. Plus, I get to build on my professionalism. Score!
3. Working from home. I did this last Wednesday and yesterday and am thinking of asking New Guy if I can do this once a week because I get a ton of shit done on those days and it is the stuff that needs to be done ASAP. He doesn't give me a hard time about it or anything. 
4. Education. Yes, it drives me crazy that people don't bother to ask what it is I actually do and so assume and make shit up. However, because New Guy is telling people I do more than I actually do, I'm learning new things that will help me out and help me expand my skill set. So yea. 

So yes, I am in a transition phase and it is interesting and frustrating and rewarding and I'm doing my best to take advantage of it. I'm also so grateful because since Old Manager left, I'm way less jumpy and fucked up than I used to be. I still justify everything without anyone asking* but I'm more relaxed and better able to focus. I'm still hoping for the best and expecting the worst but I find that I'm getting way more done and I have way less anxiety. So, really, score.

 *One thing I really like doing that few enjoy is expense reporting. Therefore, I do this for my friends when they ask or when they take me up on my offer. Hunter hates expense reporting and so I offered to take care of it for him. Today I asked him to go in and update his profile in the program we use so that I can get email notifications. "Email notifications are helpful to me because they allow me to know when a charge hits your card." OK, Hunter hates doing expense reports and I'm nice enough to do them. Hunter is also my best friend... why the fuck am I justifying this request?