I think you've had enough

Booya motherfuckers
I know you come here for exciting life updates such as "my hair smells dirty" and "my cubicle smells like pee" (make that exciting odor updates) but today I am going, nay must, change things up a bit. Wait! Come back! I promise it'll be worth your while! No, really, it will. Prepare to have your minds blown.

Today I found this campaign ad.

That's OK, I needed a few minutes after I first watched it too. This must be what it was like for Paul when he was converted. Before this day, when I thought "Ron Paul" I thought "terrifyingly crazy political ideals" and "thank goodness he is the Ralph Nader of the GOP." And then, there I was, listening to a broadcast of Morning Edition on NPR when this ad was referenced. Oh how I wanted to hear more! But my company blocks most web-sites (thank you very much Big Brother) so I was forced to wait until I got home to youtube it. And youtube it I did. Ron Paul isn't some crazy old man who is out of touch with reality! Why he's as hip as you and me! I mean, the ad is even referenced to as being "edgy." Stodgy politicians don't use words like "edgy"! And that part where the narrator says "later bureaucrats"? O. M. G. Nothing says young, cool, and with it like saying "later" instead of "goodbye."

Did you feel it too? I bet you did. And I bet it was life changing.

So, full disclosure, I'm a registered Libertarian myself. I actually consider myself to be a far left leaning Libertarian but that's because I haven't studied Socialism too in depth (and there is a good chance I might be a Socialist) and because I really do think Libertarianism is the way to go... in theory. In reality, however, I fully believe in government-funded programs for the elderly and poor and federal funding of public schools*. Ron Paul has some truly terrifying politics. Look him up kids**.

Sorry, what were you saying? I was too busy choking and crying

Have you ever had someone tell you a story when a seemingly insignificant detail strikes you as hilarious and so you end up laughing, hysterically, far harder and for far longer than is at all polite? That happened to me some time ago and the person involved sort of gave me permission to post it here so I thought, meh, why not? I'll delete it if it feels too "you had to have been there." In order to protect the innocent, I'm not going to reveal the name of the friend. Instead, I'll simply call him Shunter. There, total anonymity.

OK, so the very last time Shunter was in stown, we were having a discussion about something like broken bones or hospital trips. Who knows? Hospital trips and broken bones are usually discussed five or six times a day between friends, right? At any rate, we were talking about something that led Shunter to begin telling me about an accident he had when he was in his early twenties. He and a friend were riding motorcycles and somehow or another, Shunter's ended up going wonky, he tried to slow down to right it, and ended up wiping out tremendously. From what I understand, there was a lot of blood and a lot of skin removed from where skin had been previously***. This was in the olden days because Shunter was in his early twenties in, uhm, the late 80's**** and they didn't have cell phones. So, instead of calling for help, he and his friend had to wait for this lady who happened to drive by in her car to give them a ride to the hospital. Shunter was explaining his injuries when he got to the pesky little detail that started me off into a fit of laughter that was so long and so hysterical that I'm pretty sure he felt embarrassed.

His outfit.

Do you know what I remember about fashion in the 80's? Nothing. I was born in December 1980 and my memory doesn't begin until 1991 and, even then, is pretty blurry on the visuals. Shame on you people. Shame on those who were young adults in the 80's and shame on the parents of young children. What. The. Fuck? Do you know what Shunter was wearing when he wiped out on a motorcycle? A half shirt. That's right, I said it and it happened. He was wearing a fucking half shirt (now you can appreciate why I had to change his name). My man was wearing a half shirt, cut off denim shorts, and sneakers without socks. His hair as either feathered, which is what he told me when he first recounted the tale to me, or in a mullet, which he let slip today over instant messenger. Either way, he was looking, I don't know, gnarly? Is that what you people said in 1986-1989?

A mother fucking half shirt.

That was the first thing he told me about the outfit and I could not hold my shit together. When he reminded me of it today, out of the blue, I had my earphones in (listening to NPR and awaiting the miracle as described above) and so I sort of forgot that I was at work so I started laughing again, just a little too loud to have any chance of hiding it with a cough. But when I first learned about it, I started laughing so hard and so uncontrollably that the poor bastard couldn't even get the rest of the story out for a good five minutes.

And that is just one of the many reasons I love this good friend of mine. That and because he reminded me of the half shirt when we were talking about prostitutes but that, my friends, is for another time. After all, I've already given you the gifts of Ron Paul's awesome ad and a story that is probably only funny to me. I'm not a fucking endless well of gifts after all.

* There are too many idiots who say either "I don't have kids" or "my kids graduated" to explain why they are against tax payer dollars going to public schools for anyone to truly believe we'd be OK without the pesky government insisting that we contribute... and by we, I mean those who have to. Someone told me today that I don't because I don't have property tax.

**Then look up Newt Gingrich and read about how he thinks girls should be rewarded for graduating high school as virgins. I bet part of the reward would be having the President perform the test required to prove that you are virgo intacto. 

***Considering the context, my laughter seems fucked up now. 

****Numbers and I are not friends so I have to use a calculator most times, even for simple subtraction.