Does anyone know why they do anything anymore? I find myself starting a lot of my stories with "for whatever reason, I decided to..." and I really can't tell you why I did what I did. For instance, for some reason, I got it into my head that I wanted the Star Wars movies so I ordered the six that are available. On Christmas Eve, we were allowed to work from home and so I spent the day watching the prequels.
God those are bad, aren't they? People talk about them being terrible and I know I've seen parts of them before but, yeah, awful. Phantom Menace is so obviously a children's movie that I just can't take any of it seriously. I guess A New Hope was meant as a kids' movie as well? But, I mean, adults to this day can still enjoy it. PM is just god awful. Super obnoxious child protagonist? Check. Utterly over the top animal-type character who is so obnoxious that only a little kid could enjoy? Check. Just all of it screamed "we need to rope in a new generation of fans so let's Disney the fuck out of this."
The other two, whilst being less kiddie, are no better and I pretty much checked out of them for half the time (in all fairness to the movies, I did have them on whilst I was working). All I took away from the series was that Anakin Skywalker was a terrible Jedi. He was immature, selfish, and self-absorbed, not at all what you want in your Jedi, level of power notwithstanding. Qui-Gon should have left his selfish, smart-mouthed ass back on Tatooine and just told Yoda "I know that he is the 'chosen one', Master, but I think we need to go ahead and choose another one. If you're worried, I can kill the little bastard so that no one else gets him. It's not a problem; it'd be like when our blurrg had a litter and dad drowned the babies in the space-pond."
And the mommy issues on this kid! I don't know why, but the whole romance thing between Anakin and Padme was kind of creepy. They may only be five years apart and I am all for older women dating younger men but Anakin was so incredibly immature when they met that I actually thought he was about seven years old. I only know that they were five years apart because I googled. It just seems a bit predatory for Padme, a woman of incredible privilege, to get involved with Anakin, who was essentially taken from his mother in order to focus pretty much entirely on becoming a Jedi. And when they met, it wasn't under the best of circumstances so he was traumatized. You know, Padme, just because you're the hot teacher and your student is of age, it doesn't mean you take their flattery and run with it.
The actual mommy issue story point was completely wasted on me. This little kid begs his poor, busted-ass mom to let him go with this nice stranger so that he can be a Jedi. And you know damn well that they didn't keep in touch. He wasn't writing his dear old ma letters and visiting during the space-equivalent of summer vacation. So when he finally does get around to going to say 'sup to the old broad, he finds that she's dead and his entire life changes. Bullshit. I mean, yeah, be sad that she's died and everything. I'm not saying he should have found out and been all "bummer" but it's pretty clear that a lot of time has gone by and he wasn't bothered by his slave mom slaving away and shit while he was off playing laser swords. If he was upset when he found out and he was consumed with guilt and regret for having peaced out on her, I would have bought it. But that's not how that shit went down at all.
And let's be fair, he was a little shit before he found out she died. He was going to go to the dark side with or without her death, you could tell.
That's all Darth Vader was. A little bitch boy deep in his feelings who was happy serving some old dude with a face like a nut sac that sat in water for an hour. It is really, really hard to respect that. Before? Whatever, DV is the second in command of the main baddie and he is one hell of a foot soldier. Badass, powerful, and has a great outfit. And the prequels took that away from me and I don't really like him anymore. Thanks a lot adulthood and whoever is responsible for the travesty that is the prequels.
God those are bad, aren't they? People talk about them being terrible and I know I've seen parts of them before but, yeah, awful. Phantom Menace is so obviously a children's movie that I just can't take any of it seriously. I guess A New Hope was meant as a kids' movie as well? But, I mean, adults to this day can still enjoy it. PM is just god awful. Super obnoxious child protagonist? Check. Utterly over the top animal-type character who is so obnoxious that only a little kid could enjoy? Check. Just all of it screamed "we need to rope in a new generation of fans so let's Disney the fuck out of this."
The other two, whilst being less kiddie, are no better and I pretty much checked out of them for half the time (in all fairness to the movies, I did have them on whilst I was working). All I took away from the series was that Anakin Skywalker was a terrible Jedi. He was immature, selfish, and self-absorbed, not at all what you want in your Jedi, level of power notwithstanding. Qui-Gon should have left his selfish, smart-mouthed ass back on Tatooine and just told Yoda "I know that he is the 'chosen one', Master, but I think we need to go ahead and choose another one. If you're worried, I can kill the little bastard so that no one else gets him. It's not a problem; it'd be like when our blurrg had a litter and dad drowned the babies in the space-pond."
And the mommy issues on this kid! I don't know why, but the whole romance thing between Anakin and Padme was kind of creepy. They may only be five years apart and I am all for older women dating younger men but Anakin was so incredibly immature when they met that I actually thought he was about seven years old. I only know that they were five years apart because I googled. It just seems a bit predatory for Padme, a woman of incredible privilege, to get involved with Anakin, who was essentially taken from his mother in order to focus pretty much entirely on becoming a Jedi. And when they met, it wasn't under the best of circumstances so he was traumatized. You know, Padme, just because you're the hot teacher and your student is of age, it doesn't mean you take their flattery and run with it.
The actual mommy issue story point was completely wasted on me. This little kid begs his poor, busted-ass mom to let him go with this nice stranger so that he can be a Jedi. And you know damn well that they didn't keep in touch. He wasn't writing his dear old ma letters and visiting during the space-equivalent of summer vacation. So when he finally does get around to going to say 'sup to the old broad, he finds that she's dead and his entire life changes. Bullshit. I mean, yeah, be sad that she's died and everything. I'm not saying he should have found out and been all "bummer" but it's pretty clear that a lot of time has gone by and he wasn't bothered by his slave mom slaving away and shit while he was off playing laser swords. If he was upset when he found out and he was consumed with guilt and regret for having peaced out on her, I would have bought it. But that's not how that shit went down at all.
And let's be fair, he was a little shit before he found out she died. He was going to go to the dark side with or without her death, you could tell.
That's all Darth Vader was. A little bitch boy deep in his feelings who was happy serving some old dude with a face like a nut sac that sat in water for an hour. It is really, really hard to respect that. Before? Whatever, DV is the second in command of the main baddie and he is one hell of a foot soldier. Badass, powerful, and has a great outfit. And the prequels took that away from me and I don't really like him anymore. Thanks a lot adulthood and whoever is responsible for the travesty that is the prequels.
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