You know what sucks about Christmas? No matter what, I feel like an asshole. People wish me "merry Christmas" or "happy holidays" when I'm checking out of a store and I always stutter like an idiot. I'm thirty fucking four years old and that shit still catches me off guard this time of year. And I'm incapable of answering like a normal person. I think I usually stutter and say "thanks" or "you too" or "yep" or something but I just freeze up and then want to run away.
I don't like Christmas. I don't like the religious version because I don't like religion and am an atheist. I don't like the commercial and consumerist version either because that's just a terrible thing. You know, I saw something on Facebook the other day that read to the effect of "if you have a lot of money don't buy your kids nice things because poor kids will wonder why Santa doesn't like them as much." How fucked up is that? This country has a shitty economy and our politicians want to talk about the 'middle class' like they give a shit without realizing that the lower middle class, people like me, live paycheck to paycheck and no congressman or woman and no senator is going to be able to relate to that. We are at a point in time in this country where people want to shame people who can afford more expensive things into not buying them because it wouldn't be fair to the poor kids.
I'd love to have a rich father who could buy me nice things and help me with my debt. That would be fucking awesome. But I don't and my mom isn't rich either. Do I begrudge those with rich parents? Hell, do I begrudge those who took a different path in life and make more money than I do? Nope. And I'm sorry but your kids are going to stop believing in Santa at some point and why does it matter if they realize life is unfair now or later? Because it doesn't matter what your kid's rich friend gets for Christmas; s/he is going to learn, eventually, that life isn't always fair and that there is a huge gap between the haves and have nots.
So that's why I don't like the commercial Christmas. I don't like any Christmas. And I hate that I look like an asshole because everyone comes out and texts me or Facebook messages me to say I'm in their thoughts and they hope I'm having a good day. My friends and family are fucking awesome and have known me long enough to not really reference the holiday. They want me to know they are thinking about me and they care about me and that is really sweet. Hell, my brother and his wife are born again Christians and neither one of them made it about the holiday, they just made it about family when they reached out from all the way in Abu Dhabi. But I still know it and it irritates me and I don't like it. It's just another day and I want to be left out of it. I've had so many well meaning people try to get me to participate in some event or another around Christmas because they don't want me to feel left out. What no one seems to consider is whether or not I want to participate. I don't. I'm happy to be on my own - or, in this case, with Bubbles - and just ignore the day.
And that makes me an asshole too, because it seems ungrateful. Unless I sell myself out and put my beliefs on a shelf, I feel like an asshole.
That is why I like to spend this day alone; no one needs to be around an asshole during their holidays.
I don't like Christmas. I don't like the religious version because I don't like religion and am an atheist. I don't like the commercial and consumerist version either because that's just a terrible thing. You know, I saw something on Facebook the other day that read to the effect of "if you have a lot of money don't buy your kids nice things because poor kids will wonder why Santa doesn't like them as much." How fucked up is that? This country has a shitty economy and our politicians want to talk about the 'middle class' like they give a shit without realizing that the lower middle class, people like me, live paycheck to paycheck and no congressman or woman and no senator is going to be able to relate to that. We are at a point in time in this country where people want to shame people who can afford more expensive things into not buying them because it wouldn't be fair to the poor kids.
I'd love to have a rich father who could buy me nice things and help me with my debt. That would be fucking awesome. But I don't and my mom isn't rich either. Do I begrudge those with rich parents? Hell, do I begrudge those who took a different path in life and make more money than I do? Nope. And I'm sorry but your kids are going to stop believing in Santa at some point and why does it matter if they realize life is unfair now or later? Because it doesn't matter what your kid's rich friend gets for Christmas; s/he is going to learn, eventually, that life isn't always fair and that there is a huge gap between the haves and have nots.
So that's why I don't like the commercial Christmas. I don't like any Christmas. And I hate that I look like an asshole because everyone comes out and texts me or Facebook messages me to say I'm in their thoughts and they hope I'm having a good day. My friends and family are fucking awesome and have known me long enough to not really reference the holiday. They want me to know they are thinking about me and they care about me and that is really sweet. Hell, my brother and his wife are born again Christians and neither one of them made it about the holiday, they just made it about family when they reached out from all the way in Abu Dhabi. But I still know it and it irritates me and I don't like it. It's just another day and I want to be left out of it. I've had so many well meaning people try to get me to participate in some event or another around Christmas because they don't want me to feel left out. What no one seems to consider is whether or not I want to participate. I don't. I'm happy to be on my own - or, in this case, with Bubbles - and just ignore the day.
And that makes me an asshole too, because it seems ungrateful. Unless I sell myself out and put my beliefs on a shelf, I feel like an asshole.
That is why I like to spend this day alone; no one needs to be around an asshole during their holidays.
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