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Everybody Loves Saturday

Phrases I Dislike Tremendously

We all have our pet peeves when it comes to the language we speak. Some of us are self-proclaimed "grammar Nazis" who, behind the mask of being lovers of the language, happily judge those who end sentences with prepositions, misuse 'I' in the place of 'me', or err grammatically in other ways. Others abhor contractions or recoil when met with slang. I believe one of the more common pet peeves is the dislike for certain phrases or words. Many people have agreed with me in the past that ophthalmology is an unattractive word. I, myself, like 'lackadaisical' and 'splendid'. 'Ointment' and 'salve' are terms that I've heard others concur on as being unpleasant. You get my point.

This post is my way of sharing my dislike for two phrases and one (new) term that is being bandied about in the office. Enjoy!

The first is "That's what she said." Am I really the only one who is tired of this? It didn't seem like that big a deal when it first started up but now people blurt it out at every possible opportunity. Am I really supposed to find it funny on any level whatsoever? Even if the speaker acknowledges how completely over-used this phrase is, I still don't feel that they are justified in using it at all.

And people really do use it whenever they can such as below:

I've literally had conversations about work-related minutia and had someone respond in this way. It doesn't even make sense! And yes, I know some would argue that this is the whole point but it just seems fucking stupid. It is also just a tad annoying when someone busts out with this outdated and ridiculous phrase when you are trying to have a serious conversation. Even worse, however, is if you are feeling ill or low, as you can see below.

I have a feeling that our friend there is none too pleased with the giggling cunt's response to his misery. If I were Hungover Harold, I'd punch giggling cunt in the mouth and then maybe throw up on her. Because I for one, do not like to hear nonsensical bullshit responses when I'm telling someone I do not feel well. "That's what she said" is probably the biggest offender in my mind just now.

But TWSS is not the only thing that grates on my nerves. I, like so many others, like to complain in multiples, so let's move on, shall we?

I'm not sure if this would be considered new, relatively new, or old, but I really dislike the phrase "I'm just sayin." It isn't meant in quite the same way as "no offense" but it is just as tacked on. I believe it is meant to excuse the speaker from any responsibility or consequence of what she or he has just said and I think it is cowardly. For instance, imagine if you were the painted up hussy below:

The brunette, Starla, is telling her friend, Jean, that she thinks too much make up is "trampy" (I bet you thought the blond would be Starla, but that is only because you stereotype people). Starla obviously realizes that she most certainly has offended her friend but she cannot unring the bell as they say so she adds "I'm just sayin'" as a way out. She doesn't say "no offense", which might make Jean feel better as she could assume that her make up is tasteful. Instead, Starla essentially looked at Jean and said "you look like a tramp in my opinion" but, because she said "I'm just sayin'", she is supposedly absolved of any guilty conscience. Because after all, we are all entitled to our opinions aren't we?

This is another phrase that is used in all sorts of situations. I think it is viewed as more common in casual chat, especially given that the 'g' is dropped from 'saying', but I have heard it used in multiple situations, which is part of why I despise it so much. If you are going to say something that you believe might be taken as inflammatory, think about it. If you truly believe in what you are about to say, then own it when you say it. If you don't feel you can communicate articulately and effectively enough so that your meaning is not misinterpreted, then zip it until you can express yourself more appropriately. For instance, take this douche bag:

Mr. Footless really believes in what he just said to Barbara. However, he realizes, mid thought, that what he is saying makes him sound like a douche because the idea is douchy. Hell, the fact that women really do make less money than men, the fact that pay inequality still exists in the 21st century, is a travesty. So what can Mr. Footless do other than trail off ineffectually? "I'm just sayin'" to the rescue! If I add "I'm just sayin'", then my audience will realize that this is just something that is coming out of my mouth and not necessarily what I believe! After all, I could say "I'm just sayin'" after I've read the ingredients off the box of Cheerios and I literally would have just been saying those things. In fact, I can say "Hitler was a guy who lived in Germany. I'm just sayin'" and no one could find any fault. Whew, that was close.

Hmm. I sound kind of passionate about IJS, don't I? Maybe that is the more grating of the two phrases. Maybe I should have them do battle until I can figure it out for sure.

Finally, there is a new term that is going around the higher ups in my office that I find ridiculous and totally unnecessary. This term is 'bandwidth' and from what I can decipher, refers to the resources a person needs to get their work done. Individuals are frequently referred to as the resource and you'll hear about "increasing Jodi's bandwidth" meaning "we'll give Jodi more hours for this project and remove her from less important things so that she can totally focus on this." It's stupid and unnecessary. Why couldn't they just say "we are going to give some of Jodi's less stressful task to others admins to allow her to focus more on this project"?

Here is how I first heard about this term and my reaction to it.

What the hell? The guy who said this to me is someone who likes to drop terms and names with utmost nonchalance in hopes of impressing all and sundry. It is kind of funny when people try to impress me because I don't call them out, I don't sit in awe, I just go blank. But bandwidth threw me for a loop.

And kind of made me feel fat.

An Open Letter to Tuesday

An Evening

J surprised me this evening when we went out to dinner (at Bob Evan's; for some reason I didn't want to say that part but I don't know why so figured I'd better just go ahead or else risk becoming a snob). Earlier that day I'd asked him if he was going to watch the Phillies-Giants game and he said 'no.' I assumed he just had a lot of work to do, as usual. Over dinner I told him that I would be watching and he said "no you aren't" and pushed two tickets over the table. They read "An Evening with Matt Groening."

I was shocked. J picked the tickets up the day beofre and had it all planned that we would go to an auditorium at teh Wexner Center at 7PM to listen to this discussion with Matt Groening and Tom Gammill. He'd been trying to figure out how to surprise me with the tickets from the moment he'd picked them up so I think he was pretty relieved when he finally got an opening. He knows that I am frequently bored and unhappy with the lack of social interaction and fun in general in my life so he was very excited to surprise me.

And it was great. We arrived early as we are unaccustomed to doing things like this and wanted to ensure we'd get parking and get seats together. We got to the actual auditorium 45 minutes early and chose seats well in the back so that we could leave with minimal fuss if we decided to leave early (which we are always likely to do given our attention spans, discomfort amongst crowds, and neuroses in general).

The discussion was fun. It went back to Mr. Groening's cartoonist father, Homer, and covered Life in Hell, The Simpsons, and Futurama. J and I both enjoyed ourselves and laughed a lot. We took pictures of one another with my camera phone after J said "I think we should take pictures of one another. Have you ever noticed that people do things and go places and take pictures of each other and put them on Facebook? Maybe we should do that."

We left after an hour and a half, a bit before the QA portion, which we were not interested in. As we left the auditorium, we were both super stoked that we did something so normal, so usual for people our age. I always get really thrilled when we act in accordance with what I think people our age do. I know it isn't perfect since I actively appreciate our behaving normally, but when we do this sort of thing, I'm so proud of us for getting out of the house and engaging with the world like everyone else. It makes me feel less freakish.

Until, of course, I skip and sing about how I've done something normal, at which point I give myself away.