Desperation

My mother called and left a message on my cell phone today. I was a bit shocked, as my mother never calls me. Not because she isn't allowed or anything, she just doesn't. I would have been worried that something had happened to my grandmother if it hadn't been for the fact that my mother, and not my middle brother, M, had left the message. The last time I had really bad news, it was when M left me a message and then, on the phone, told me that our dog had died.

I called my mom from the grocery store since it was on my walk to said store that I received the message. She was a bit affronted by the fact that I assumed something was wrong and assured me that it was nothing serious. But it was... my mom needs me to get a cash advance of $3,500 0n my credit card. I asked what she had gotten herself into and she assured me that it is just that she is behind on bills; she is just her usual self, not any good at all with money.

I am disappointed. I'm disappointed that life hasn't turned out well for her at her age (63), that she has to put up with taking care of her mother who is nasty as hell to her, and that she has yet to learn. She didn't ask either of my brothers. I knew that, even before I asked. With M, the reasoning is, officially, that he is a teacher who just, essentially, lost his house. The real reason is that M is like mom and bad with money and makes really poor decisions so that his wife is a stay at home mom even if they can't afford it. With S, my eldest brother, the official reason is that there are medical bills because his wife lost her leg to cancer last December and has been recouping since. But his father in law has $50 million dollars so the real reason is that this is S and you can't ask him for anything.

But Cat, the youngest, was the one who was raised to be an independent and responsible adult. Cat is the one you can rely on to help you out and to have the ability to bail you out.

I am disappointed and concerned. J is pissed off and wants to start a fight. My mom, I believe, is ashamed and desperate. I texted J and told him that if he hadn't already ordered the present he had in mind for my 30th next month, to just not do so. I'll have to really buckle down and budget up if I am to bail my mother out again, especially if J is not on board.

I assume that this is what adulthood is all about. In some ways, things really do get easier, but, in others, they get harder than you can ever imagine. Thanks for the fork in the eyeball life.