Thursday, April 13, 2017

April's Fool

This month has not been very awesome for me thus far and we are only about half-way through. On the first day, the bat and I dropped a drill press on my right forearm, causing me tremendous pain and requiring paid time off at random times and a wrist brace. Then I broke up with my long term bat (events were not related), which was very obviously not awesome. And now? Now I have to put one of my guinea pigs down because she has a giant eyeball just like Johann did when he had an abscess. I cannot afford to have her eye removed so down she will have to go. I didn't bond with her or her cage mate so I'm not crying as I type or anything but I do feel bad for the cage mate and for Bubbles.

Bubbles doesn't give a shit though so I should stop with the feels. Seriously, Bubbles probably gives zero fucks about anything that I attribute to her and is probably over grooming simply because she likes seeing her neurotic owner wring her hands and worry about dumb shit. All she wants is for me to feed her (all the time) and pet her when she wants. Jesus, this morning when I was trying to put her bowl down she got in my way and knocked the bowl out of my hands so it landed face down. I actually yelled at her and told her to go ahead and eat and I wasn't going to clean it up. She didn't give a fuck, she was too busy eating the food off the floor. I really should not own pets.

While this month hasn't been very kind to be thus far I still maintain my bizarre optimism. I tell my friends that May is probably going to be amazing or else April my own, personal, emotional March. In it came like a lion but out it shall go like a lamb. Basically, I'll probably win the lottery on the 15th, meet my soul mate sometime next week, gain Wolverine-like regenerative powers, and find someone who is desperate for an affectionate cat (who comes with her very own guinea pig!)

Speaking of what I tell my friends, I finally told one of my very best ones about my breakup. I actually didn't tell anyone until Monday night. I don't want it to be real (because who does?) and I'm embarrassed due to the whole on again off again nature of my relationship with the bat. I know at least two of my friends weren't happy that I got back together with him this last time so there was a certain amount of dog with tail between legs feeling to it. It doesn't help matters that I still have stupid girl brain fantasies of the bat coming to me and telling me all the magic words necessary to make that relationship work. Because even though I know this is for the best, girl brain cannot be controlled.

Anywho, I have seven hours left of my work day and then I get to go home for a three-day weekend. I plan on drinking too much, sleeping in as late as possible, holding a very exclusive pity party, and then cleaning the hell out of my apartment. Happy Easter! 

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