Sunday, January 31, 2016

It Rubs the Coconut into the Skin ....

I have decided to take a break from soaps and face-washes and exclusively cleanse my face with coconut oil. Why? Because I'm a 35 year old woman with an internet connection, a good data plan, and far too much time on her hands. I've read about how people use this shit on their faces exclusively and the great results they get and I finally managed to find a jar of it so I started yesterday. By "finally" I mean that I went to Sprouts and found it in an aisle because I refuse to fucking ask some store employee in any store whatsoever whether or not they carry this shit. That is the same reason I have yet to try jojoba oil, even though I'm told it is awesome. I was going to get the raw apple cider vinegar for an astringent but that shit was hella expensive and I don't get paid till Friday so I'll just keep using witch hazel like a fucking peasant.

I legit have aspirations to be the sort of person who keeps all of her beauty products (lol, beauty products like I use any) in fancy glass jars and shit. I should create a fancy, pretty label and tape that shit over the jar of "Sprouts Farmer's Market organic refined Coconut Oil" jar.

I had to fucking google "washing your face with coconut oil" when I got this shit home because dafuq? Oil is a liquid and this shit is solid. I didn't want to get the bottle that specifically said something about being cooking oil so I bought this fucking thing. I tipped it and some oil came out but it was only this afternoon that my dumb ass poked a finger in and found that I should probably be smearing this lard-like shit on my face before I rest a hot towel on it for 30 seconds and then using the same washcloth to clean that shit off. The more you know, amirite?

So yeah, I'm doing that and I'm also only showering every other day (unless I need it) because I recently read that bitches be showering too much and we don't need to be. Shower every so often and just wash off your pits and bits on the days in between.

I know what you are thinking so, if it is any consolation, please note that my breakfast consisted of chili cheese Fritos and my lunch was Cheetos, both items purchased from a gas station during a beer run last night. I'm still awful, don't worry. 

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