Thursday, January 28, 2016

Guinea Pigs and Podcasts

Meet Bessie and Ella. I can't be sure, but I think Bessie is on the left. They are named after the jazz legends and I hope Bessie is always bigger than Ella so I can tell them apart easily. They are super cute and small right now, which means they are scaredy cat assholes who just want to hide and shit. That is a picture of them not eating the delicious bell pepper in my bathroom. I figured, since they are small and I have a cat, it would be easiest to do floor time in the bathroom at first. Little assholes hid behind the toilet for the most part so I lasted all of fifteen minutes. I did hold them and pet them a bit in order to get them a bit used to me and I will continue this regime until they act right or I feed them to Bubbles.

I'm kidding. Bubbles would probably just murder them and go throw up somewhere.

Ella nibbled at the pepper but they don't seem to like it much though I think they dig on the parsley I give them and bitches love hay so there's that. I got them for Bubbles, to be honest. She has gotten needier and needier and it is creeping me out and causing my anxiety so I was talking to someone about it and she was suggesting the whole rehoming thing and I was on board until I thought about what I'd tell whomever took her and started bawling when talking (out loud) about how Bubbles is a sweetheart and she can only have Fancy Feast Shrimp and Fish, etc. You know, cause I've talked about it before. So, in order to save myself the pain of losing my cat whilst simultaneously setting myself up for even more heartbreak, I impulsively went to Pet Smart and bought these beauties. I got two this time because I was assured they were both girls (I really should check) and I know that they are social creature. Plus, they were all cuddled up together at the store and the white one was boring looking (though I felt bad about not buying her as well).

So far, from what I can tell, they enjoy hiding in their pigloo the minute they see or hear me, drinking water, eating, and squeaking randomly. Sometimes I hear them run around their cage so hopefully they are happy. I think I may have starved them the first two days because I bought a rabbit cage and forgot that maybe they couldn't reach to eat in the bowl that came with it. I got something more to teir size and they've been eating so at least they like their food. And I do think it is helping Bubbles because while she still likes to lay her fat ass on me and have me pet her, she leaves after a bit and will leave my ass alone. We shall see how this works out.

Oh, and it would be great if assholes who have known me for more than a year quit asking about having rodents and a cat because I had Johan before I even got Vladimir Putin over here so I know what I'm doing and don't throw them all into a closet to see what happens.

Why The Hell Am I Listening to This Shit? 
So apparently podcasts have been a thing for years even if I just found them with Serial when there were like two episodes left. I've since started listening to various once and subscribed to a bunch of them yesterday. One of them is Sword and Scale and I listened to that shit at work today because I had a lot of repetitive tasks to do and a lot of laps to walk around the atrium. This shit is insane and it's going to give me nightmares.

The first one is about Bruce Blackman, this schizophrenic Canadian who murdered almost his entire family in 1983. It's a sad story and kind of gross and the deaths were awful but even the people talking had moments where they sounded like they wanted to say "his family was a bunch of dumbasses who had total tunnel vision and pretty much walked up to a scary clown with a chainsaw to ask if he'd be interested in selling Amway." No joke, the dad was told to take his son to the hospital and he'd (the doctor advising) would call ahead to make sure his arrival would be prepared for but the hospital was five miles away and it was late so dad was all, naw, I got this. And then, after killing his dad, Bruce calls up his sister to ask her to come over because something bad was going to happen and he had a knife. And his sister called someone and they told her to call the police but she was all naw, it's cool, and just went over there. The only people who escaped being murdered was dude's twin who was in the military and one of his three sisters who was in a hospital giving birth.

Seriously, it's all god awful, although there is some interesting stuff. He was determined to be not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect but he didn't spend a ton of time in an institution and has been out for years, moving around and changing is name. Dude shot his brother in law and then bludgeoned him over and over with a hammer. Now he's that weird guy who lives in the house all the neighborhood kids dare each other to run up to and shit.

If there is any bright silver lining to this story it is that it did NOT happen in the US but up in our super friendly neighbor to the north. It is really interesting and I do recommend it but you need a strong stomach for these stories. Radiolab and Criminal and Snap Judgement are much easier to take.

Sweet dreams, sleep tight, don't let the crazy guy who masturbates constantly and eats his own seaman bite!


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