Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Bitching, Musing, Moving

What the fuck is up with you, Dallas? I know you've always sucked when it comes to my commute, and I know it isn't your fault that I have to drive 37 miles, but seriously, what is going on? Twice in the last week (going back to late last week), it has taken me a minimum of two hours to get to the office. On Monday it was due to an accident that had closed all lanes of traffic on I-30 West. It was in an area west of my exit but I had to deal with the fall out. Last week (Friday? Thursday?) it was because of fucking rubber neckers. I don't care how many people want to tell me that rubber neckers are absurd everywhere; the ones in the Dallas area (specifically around the mix master) are the absolute worst I've ever come across. Even today it took me just shy of 90 minutes to make it in, and that felt a bit like a triumph.

Yes, I know I should leave earlier but it is hard when your boyfriend won't leave you alone. Or when it is cold in his room and oh so cozy in the bed. Or you rail against the idea of going to be promptly at 10:00 PM to go to sleep and not play when you are not a child and damn it, all you seem to do is drive to work, work, drive home, maybe do some chores, and then go to bed. But I guess I'll have to strap on my big girl panties (and perhaps a chastity belt) and just suck it up and start turning in earlier, with the help of some melotonin, in an effort to get out of the house earlier. Unfortunately, that won't help the commute home, especially if I have a 3PM meeting, as I do today. Grimace (the face, not the purple milk shake McDonald's character.

Oh, and why has KERA stopped with the traffic reports? Did they not raise enough in the last fundrive to keep Bruce Gunn on the payroll?

Things that Tickle Me or Irritate Me

  • Irritate: The Affordable Health Care Act, especially regarding the government website. I get it. People were inconvenienced. Maybe trying to have millions of people (or however many) sign up for insurance on line wasn't the brightest idea. But calm the fuck down people. Websites crash and go down all the time and no one calls for blood. I haven't been to the website but I'm assuming it isn't some typepad template or anything. A lot of work goes into those things and even the best analysis will often leave things out. So yes, it sucked, it was inconvenient, and people grumbled. Can we be done talking about it? 
  • Tickle: Any time the Russian Punk Band (I believe they are Russian, almost certain) Pussy Riot does something to make national headlines. Because I like to hear really professional sounding newscasters say "Pussy Riot". Heh. 
  • Irritate: Being volunteered for shit, especially if it includes driving. I'm looking at the Bat on this one. I took his kid and her friend to get their nails done on Sunday as a Christmas present and he said "and then you'll take them to their Drill Team party." I believe I said things like "I hate this family" and "it's because at my age single guys either have or want kids." You know, I was gracious. Later in the evening I told him it was disrespectful to volunteer my time/services and to just ask. I might grumble but I'll probably do it. It wouldn't have bugged me as much if he hadn't done this before and if he didn't know exactly how much I fucking hate driving. He said "OK."
  • Tickle: Read my Facebook status that says something like "2 hour commute this morning, 3PM meeting this afternoon, which means a long commute home. No wine in the house and all I want is a hot bath and some wine" and then, when I get out of said bath, be found washing my wine glass and opening a bottle of white that you ran out to purchase after I said "I'm taking a bath" and stomped out of the room. Once again, I'm looking at the Bat, who did this for me on Monday. I'd apologized for being all stompy and explained that it was just because I was in one of those moods where I shouldn't be around people. He said he totally understood but thought he'd run out and get some beer and me a bottle of wine (two actually) anyway. 
Other News
It has been three months, exactly, since the Bat and I started dating. I've given my 60 days notice to my apartment complex and over the next two months will be moving into the Bat Cave officially. The Bat and I have to write up a rental agreement and I have to move stuff (blergh) but yep. I know, seems fast, doesn't it? Maybe this is when he'll murder me in my sleep after the Monkey accidentally slips and tells me that she was kidnapped by him four years ago from a woman he dated and killed, disposing of her body in the garden in the backyard. Or maybe he'll steal my identity and buy all the luxurious fancy items he covets like a doggy door or tiller wheels. Or maybe I'll find out that his family has a tradition of every male sharing the women and I'll be expected to take part in some weird, slightly incestuous feeling orgy with his brothers, cousins, uncles, and father. God, I hope not. And Christmas is right around the corner, which means family get together so I think I'll def have to skip that, as planned. 

I don't think those things will happen though. I think, instead, things will carry on much as they are only I'll have all my shit in one place without having a very expensive storage unit in Mesquite that I visit on the reg. But if there is any subtle suggestion of an orgy, I'll write to my leasing office and let them know that I changed my mind and that I actually do like them better than the boyfriend. 

Friday, December 13, 2013

I Can Really Spiral When Making Excuses

I worked from home today because I was up later than I thought I'd be on a conference call last night. I don't know why I have to tell you why I worked from home but there you go.

Home is, of course, the Bat Cave these days and yes, it's preferable over my place because, if for no other reason, the Bat always has food available. So far I've eaten five cheese slices and a remnant of a cookie. Because anything else would have taken effort and I only just now remembered that I think there is a yogurt or two left over. Even then I'd have to lift off the lid and possibly stir the fucker so that wouldn't have flown well either.

But the Bat Cave is fucking freezing at all times. Unless there is a fire going and you are sitting in front of it. But there is no more firewood (I don't think... the Bat is going with Phoenix to find some tomorrow) and even if there was firewood, the Bat isn't here to make me a fire. I think I can make one myself these days, but he does a far better job. And I don't have to get dirty hauling in the wood. So I'm cold. And lonely. And bored. Which is why I don't work from home too often (or try not to unless I'm sick like I was for the entire month of November). So I did what any girl in my situation would do and I harassed my boyfriend via text.

ME: "I'm bored and lonely. I'd make a terrible housewife."

BAT: "Poor baby."

ME: "Yes, I require sympathy, cuddles, attention, and petting. Tell work you have a pet emergency so you can leave early?"

BAT: " Lol. Yeah right."

ME: "Stupid work."

ME: "It's been 20 minutes. Did you get a more reasonable employer who will let you leave early?"

----intermission to discuss a video he posted on my facebook about the differences between porn sex and real sex and our mutual gratitude that we have pretty great sex----

ME: "We should buy good scotch. Because I can't get warm."

BAT: "Be my guest."

ME: "I'm not driving any more today. Almost got into an accident on my way home. I need my big strong man to protect me and ferry me around."

ME: "Also, I am super cute today. If I go out alone, men might make advances."

ME: "Then you'd have to explain to Monkey that I was gone because I was super cute and had been whisked away by another single father."

ME: "And she might know the guy's kid and sleepovers would be weird."

BAT: "Lol. Right. Get you a 3 minute man."

ME: "Are you saying that's all I'm cute enough to get (insert angry emoticon face)?"

BAT: "No. But apparently that's the norm and most aren't as skilled or experienced as me."

ME: "But surely I'll attract more men like you. they can scent it out, my own awesome skills."

He hasn't responded so I'm pretty sure he is racing home for fear that I'll go out on my own to buy scotch or seven snuggies and be whisked off my feet by a handsome, sexually advanced man. 

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Thirty Three

This past Friday I powered through the worst ice of the century to get to the airport. In Texas, an inch of ice puts cities on shut down and people freak out. I get it though; they don't have this happen often so they don't have resources available and so the roads are going to suck more (and for longer) and people are going to panic. Thanks Obama.

Anywho, I went to the airport to fly to Arizona where I spent my birthday weekend with my lovely mother, who spoiled me rotten. I've discovered something strange about me - I do not like to talk about my vacations. Any time I go to Arizona, people want to know all about it but I just don't feel like talking about it. And I have no idea why that is. I enjoyed myself, had fun with my mother as usual, got some great gifts, had a fun party, and suffered my usual travel anxiety. Even when I write about it in my paper journal, it's pretty obligatory. I don't think this is a very nice part of my personality because it feels kind of bitchy.

I don't know why I do that. Part of me really does think "why do you care?" but that's just because I'm a jerk. And it isn't like it's some giant secret. Honestly, I think I'm just lazy about it. It happened, I had fun, it's over, let's move on, shall we? But, in the spirit of not being a lazy asshole, I'll try to talk about

My Trip to Arizona 2013
After kicking my door a few times in order to get it open, I turned on my car to let it defrost. I then scraped the shit out of my windows. It took at least 40 minutes and I didn't have side mirrors but meh, what are you going to do? It took me about an hour to get to the airport because parts of the roads were messed up and I was driving in a low gear and we were all going slow. Props to the Bat for telling me about driving in low gear. He couldn't take me because he'd fucked his back up at work that morning. Whilst I was being feted all weekend, that poor sod was stuck on the couch enjoying the effects of muscle relaxants. Anyhow, I got to the airport and then I got on a plane and got to Arizona where I was picked up by my mother. I was exhausted but she made me open two of my presents when we got to her house. One was a a wood carving of a buffalo that she picked up in Alaska. I loved it and have since named him Benjamin. But she said "Oh, that isn't a good one, open another one." So I picked one up and asked if it was a good one and she said "yes" so I opened it. Woman bought me a freaking iPad. No, I don't know if it is the new one and no, it isn't the iPad air or whatever. But it is a mother fucking iPad. Pretty nifty. Then she let me go to bed.

On Saturday morning, the moms and I had coffee and croissants. This is how spoiled I am (if an iPad were not enough evidence): two days before I left for Phoenix, I asked my mom if she could make sure we had good coffee and croissants available. She asked what kind of coffee and actually went out to buy it. She accidentally got whole bean but whatev. The point is, she made sure we had coffee and croissants for breakfast.

My mom is a "frequent flyer" at the casinos (her words) so she gets a lot of comped stuff. When she found a cheap flight for my birthday (I paid for my flight, lest you think I'm that spoiled), she told her casino hostess about it and said hostess said that if I came out she'd comp us spa treatments and dinner at the schmancy restaurant. Oh, and a free room. So after breakfast we drove to one casino so that I could meet the lovely woman, and then we went to Wild Horse Pass for our spa appointments. The spa was totally schmancy, with a coed waiting area and a women only waiting area, plush robes, and comfortable furniture. We waited in the coed room because it was warmer and I took full advantage, laying out on a chaise lounge under a blanket until Dana, my spa tech, came to get me for my pedicure. She was great and I had her in stitches telling her about how the bitch flight attendant tried to not let me go to the bathroom. "I'm going to pee. I can do it in my seat or I can do it in the bathroom." So yay spa!

After the spa, moms and I drove to the casino where we would be staying, had a few drinks, played the penny slots, and eventually had dinner. Filet mignon, really, really good asparagus (seriously, the entire time I was just amazed by the asparagus), and truffle fries. We ordered the truffle fries because we'd never had them and I think we both thought they'd be made out of truffles. Nope. You just use truffle oil. They were good but they were essentially just good fries. For my pre dinner drink, I ordered a Three Wise Men as suggested to me by the Bat. The waiter brought me the shot and a glass of ice because I think he was concerned about my taking a shot of Jim Beam, Johnny Walker, and Jose Quervo. So I had it over the rocks and it was surprisingly good. I don't know why the Bat suggested it but it seemed fitting for the season. My mom thought it was because we were celebrating my 33rd birthday and Jesus died at the age of 33 or something.

You know, maybe this is why I don't like talking about my vacations. I am really, really bad at it and don't do them justice. But whatev. We gambled more and I left my mom at 9:15 because I was exhausted. She came up at 11:30; like I said, she is a frequent flier.

Sunday was chill. We got our finger nails done, I opened more presents, and I took a nap. Because I'm exciting like that. My party was that night so a few people that I know came over with an ice cream cake and some dollar store gifts (cause I harped on my friend Kara for not getting my anything). It was swell, I had people take ridiculous pictures of me, and then called it a night. On Monday I had a lovely lunch with my lovely mother, got really frustrated with packing, and flew home. The end.

The flight actually sucked. My first flight was delayed by 30 minutes and my second one was delayed by 80 or so. I was really scared I was going to get stuck in Albuquerque but I did not and landed at about midnight. I was dead tired on my drive home but I made it, went into the house, threw all of my shit into the closet, and climbed into bed. The Bat was asleep but reached over to pat me and, as he later told me, thought "OK, good, she's home".

So there you have it. I had taken Tuesday off, which was smart of me, and I slept until 11. Then I was just bored out my mind so did some laundry and cleaned the refrigerator. There wasn't much food so I drove to Target and was surprised at first by the bare shelves. Then I remembered "oh, right, Icemaggedon". Went home, made a sandwich, chatted with Monkey, and then watched movies with the Bat before going to bed. Again, I'm an exciting girl.

This morning I woke up ridiculously early and, as I drove to work, had to stop at my place because I felt nauseous. I actually threw up, which is something I only do when I have food poisoning, so it was weird. I'm pretty sure it was the juice I'd made that morning. So I threw up and slept for a few hours and then drove to work (and no, there is not a chance in Hell of my being pregnant or else the Bat has lied to me), which is where I am now, with nothing to do. That should change soon but for the moment, I'm just bored and catching up on my snark site and hate reads.

All in all, I had a phenomenal birthday and I'm a happy girl. I decided that yes, I am happy. The Bat reminded me that I need to live in the moment more and not worry about what may happen down the road. I have trouble with that and think it is tied to my anxiety. Fortunately, they make pills for that and I always have them with me. So I'm trying to enjoy the moments and just accept that I am, indeed, happy. I've been happy in myself for quite some time now but I'm not used to being happy in a healthy relationship. And the Bat is nice to me and never says things to make me feel bad about who I am (he likes the way I speak and doesn't make me feel weird for the words I use). I need to stop waiting/assuming he's going to change and just take things as they are. Maybe we stay together for a long time. Maybe we don't. What's happening now is what matters and right now I'm happy and want to make him happy. I enjoy spending time with him and talking to his kid. I like snuggling on the sofa and watching movies and going to the sushi bar. I like having my routines and contributing to the household and all that grown up shit.

I'm happy and I'm just going to accept that. And I'm pretty sure 33 is going to be a kick ass year.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

In Which I Whine and Talk about Soda (in the reverse order)

Soda Pop
I'm starting to wonder if I'm really weird about soda or if I'm just some kind of traditionalist about it. Upstairs Kid really likes root beer and that is his go to soda. Here in Texas, Dr. Pepper is a big deal. My boss used to drink a ton of Diet Mountain Dew. All of that is extremely strange to me because they seem like weird choices. Root beer? Really? And Mountain Dew? Yeah, they are fine every so often but your favorite is either Coke or Pepsi (and if you are a decent human being you are on Team Coke). That's how I think for some reason and I wonder if it is because I grew up in a Coke and Pepsi household or if it is because I consider those the standard, traditional sodas.

I thought about this on my way into work this morning because the Bat has Pepsi and Sierra Mist in his refrigerator at the moment. They don't generally have soda but there was some deal when we ordered pizza the other day and those were the types the Bat chose with the idea of using the SM as a mixer. I used some of the Pepsi this morning to take my pills and thought "hmm, I haven't had Pepsi in ages". So when I stopped for gas on my way into the office, I picked myself up a Diet Pepsi and a Coke Zero. Cause, you know, I was thinking of my long ass commute (which sucked heartily) and figured I would be entertained by a mini soda battle in my car. Yes, that is how I think and right now I am imagining a break dance battle between the bottles. Because I am fucking insane.

Happy Happy Joy Poll-oi 
Lately I've been trying to figure out if I'm happy or not. That's as insane as my soda fights isn't it? I'm just not sure. Some days I'm in a great mood and I feel like I've finally reached a place in my life where everything fits. I had a great Thanksgiving and "holiday" weekend, filled with great people and lots of activities (I chopped up some firewood with an ax! I changed the Bat's oil!) but sometimes I think I'm less happy than I am trying to be happy, that I'm settling.

I'm pretty miserable at work. I have to fight to get assignments and when my boss finally takes notice of me, she gives me feedback, which is awesome, but which also makes me out to be incompetent. I get told half the story and then get scolded for not understanding everything because no one told me the other half. And I mostly spend my days trying to find something to do, studying from a website I found, or surfing the internet. That's a long eight hours and not worth my commute at all. The last time I got an email filled with feedback about something, I ended up bursting into tears, hiding in the Bat's bathroom so no one would see me. I sat on the bathtub ledge thing and just cried and thought "I should never have moved to Texas". Not because I miss my old job, but because I seem to be floundering so badly at my new one.

I have a meeting with my boss today and I'm going to be a big girl for once and remember that I'm an adult, not a child. I get treated like a child a lot even though I'll be 33 soon. I think it has to do with how I look and sound. It works in my favor usually, but I need to start being a grown up at work so I'm going to put on my big girl panties, pop a Klonopin, and go for it.

Am I happy in my relationship with the Bat? I think so. He's nice and funny and I like being around him and the Monkey. I've somehow managed to work my way into their lives from the word go and I do weird things like take care of the laundry, clean the bathroom, clean the kitchen, make sure there are going to be plenty of clean towels because I'll be away this weekend. Not that they couldn't survive without my doing that but because it's nice to not have to worry about it, especially when you've gotten used to someone doing the laundry for you. Tuesday nights are movie nights and Wednesday nights are frequently Sushi Bar Happy Hour nights. I change the sheets and help with the groceries. The Bat teaches me new things and makes fires in the fireplace on cold nights.

There's a routine in place and we all seem pretty happy with each other. But I'm realizing more and more that I don't feel secure. Remember how I said that the Bat started to say nice things to me from time to time because I told him girls like that sort of thing? He still does and it sounds a bit less obligatory lately (because he no longer says "Oh, by the way..." like his phone just buzzed with a reminder alarm) but he has a habit of ending the nice things with "for now" or "at this point in my life." He does the "for now" thing other times as well. I asked him if he was OK with the amount of stuff I have at his house and he said "yes... for now". So I never really relax and just keep quiet and wonder how long "for now" will last. He also makes it clear that the only things that he cares about are himself and his daughter. That sounds REALLY awful and I don't mean it like that. He cares about me in his way and he's awesome to his family but his investment is in himself and his kid. Side note: it is rad as fuck how much he cares for his daughter.

But it feels pretty shitty because I don't want a temporary relationship where I feel like some sort of sitcom visitor. When you sign up at the dating site I used, you are asked specifically what you are looking for on top of all the shit you have to write about yourself. I specifically said long term and that I want someone to share my life with and to share his life.

Not for the time being. Not for a few months. I know things might not last forever with one person (obviously) but I don't want to constantly think about the end or be reminded that things are going to end. I'd rather be optimistic and make plans for the future. Not "let's get married and buy a house" plans but things like "maybe in the Spring we can plant x, y, z in the garden". I want to see the Monkey develop as she moves on from being a Freshman to a Sophomore. Instead, I've organized all the crap I have at his house into one area as much as possible so that when he tells me to go kick rocks because he's done or because something better has come along, it will be easier for me to take it all home. I keep fighting with the idea that maybe I should take my stuff home and stay at his place less just to keep myself from getting hurt.

So am I happy in my relationship? Yes, I'm just not secure. It's an incredibly weird feeling and I'm trying to let it go and just live in the moment and all that bullshit but it's uncomfortable for anyone when they are faced with so foreign an attitude, if that makes any sense.

End on a High
Well, that got long and rambly, didn't it? That's what happens (when bodies start slappin') when I put off thinking about things and writing in my journal and then log into this here blog. But let's end on a happy note, shall we? Yesterday I emailed my mother the following:
Yesterday I ate a bunch of green beans. I almost died. I may eat more vegetables between now and Sunday. I would hate to die without knowing what you got me for my birthday. You should tell me (the honest answer; Jesus will know if you are lying and lies make the baby Jesus cry) so that I don't risk dying with any regrets.

It's true, I did eat green beans. The Bat made dinner (proper grown up dinner with chicken and potatoes and green beans) and I ate a bunch of the green stuff because I knew I should. I didn't almost die though, that was a lie (I don't believe in Jesus so his tears are meaningless to me). But my mom is no fun and this was her reply:
Sigh. Looks like I'll be opening my birthday presents on my actual birthday - without knowing in advance what they are - for the first time in roughly nine years. Woe is fucking me.  Now let's break out of this funk and fucking do this day shall we?

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Brief Break for Giggles

Texting with Mama
As I've stated before, my mother is often unintentionally hilarious. Here is a texted conversation between the two of us from the other day.

MOM: "I lost your itinerary. Can you please resend it to me?"
ME: "Will do later. Sick again."
MOM: "How sick? MS?" 
ME: "OMG no! Why do you go to the worst possible thing? The girl who showed me how to change my oil had a cold!" 
MOM: "I'm your mother. I'm supposed to worry." 

Not quite as funny as her "Teacher flies to Al Queada Land on Friday" but still, it made me laugh out loud. 

Pasting Fail
I am in the process of putting together a testing workbook for some disaster recovery planning at work. I attempted to take a screen shot of the UI and went to paste it into a word document for my own reference. Easy enough, yes? Unfortunately, I did not hit ALT + PrtScn as I thought so when I hit CTRL + V I was not met with an image of the UI but with the last thing I'd copied and pasted. 

Just a bit disturbing when you are expecting reference data.

I'd copied that image from Google and sent it to the Bat. He is getting ready for a meeting with a woman we refer to as Dragon Lady and I'd suggested we change her name to Medusa simply because the images available through a quick Google image search were better. Apparently, when you cross my work with his work, that is what you get. Awesome. 

Friday, November 22, 2013

Going to the Dogs

What a clever title for a post about dogs! I'm really just trying to get better about naming my posts so I know what the fuck they are about. Anywho. I'm working from home today because I'm sick. Yes, again. The girl who helped me change my oil was ill and I caught it from her (who would have thought that having your face right up against a sick person's face could make you sick?) and it sucks and I'm really annoyed because being sick is so sucky. Also, as I've said before, I'm not a huge fan of working from home. But, obviously, things could be a shit ton worse and it's a nice problem to have, yes? Seeing as I've been with Batman for about two months, practically live with him, and am presently spending the day in his dining room, I thought I'd tell you about two other residents of the Bat Cave. Especially since it is in the 30's outside and so said residents are inside spending the day with me.

I may have mentioned it before but, in case I did not, the Bat Cave is teeming with animals. There is the Bat, Monkey, moi, Bubbles, Johan, and two dogs. The first is Bailey, seen in the shitty picture below. Hi, Bailey!

Bailey is roughly 300 years old and has arthritis. She is a mutt and the Bat doesn't really know what she comprises in terms of breed. She's a sweet old girl who is never more adorable than when you find her sitting on the sofa. This is not allowed but she's so ancient that we all look the other way and feel kind of bad when she heaves herself up and off when "caught". She's fluffy and docile but when she sees a cat, she turns into a maniac and jumps into action (fortunately, Bubbles is faster). It's kind of hard not to love Bailey and even the Monkey has been overheard saying "I really love you, Bails". It is doubtful that she'll make it another year but right now, watching her bite her own leg as she chills on the dining room floor, she seems perfectly content. That might also be due to the fact that the other dog is leaving her alone for the moment.

The other dog is Lucifer, seen in this equally shitty picture.

Lucifer is about 10 months old and I believe his daddy is a bull mastiff and his mommy is a wire hair pointer or something. So he looks kind of like a fucked up black lab and he has wiry hair (I've since met the parents and one of his brothers... fucking bizarre). Lucifer got his name from the inverted cross on his chest and I've only recently learned that it uber bothers the Bat when I call the dog Luci. It's either Luke, or Lucifer. Or Stupid, I'm allowed to call him stupid when he is being obnoxious. Side note - not pictured? His massive balls. He is still not neutered and there is just so much dog balls right in your face when this animal is around. He's a puppy and is still in his lanky phase so he's super adorable but also super stupid. He chews everything (my high heals, plastic flower pots, blue masking tape... hell, he was just cuddling with a paper Macy's bag a moment ago) and doesn't know when to get out of the way. Remember that productive weekend I had, part of which was spent cleaning the backyard? The Bat and I were throwing rocks, some quite large, against the side of the house so that he could mow and Lucifer did not get out of the way even though he was close to getting his head clobbered. He will take your shoes, bras, and underpants into the yard and destroy them. He has a slew of teddy bears that he loves and leaves alone for the most part. He doesn't rip them to shreds but he does hump them from time to time. 

The Bat and his cousins will rough house with Lucifer like crazy. He's really solid and you can kick him and body slam him and he'll just look at you with his tongue hanging out of his mouth asking for more because yay! playing! attention! I don't have it in me to rough house and get nervous when others do it but I have to admit, he is happy as anything when someone is slapping him in the face and pushing at him. He's pretty happy right now, to look at him. He's presently laying on his back with his paws raised, right next to Bailey on the dining room floor. Both are primed for petting (but will not be getting shit from me because they will just come back for more and I've had enough dog breath for one morning). Poor Luke will be lost when Bailey goes. 

Doggies, one of the best parts of life, hands down. 

Monday, November 18, 2013

When Weekends are Awesome

I've mentioned before that I hate when people ask me if I have plans for the weekend or, come Monday, how my weekend was. Usually I don't have plans and I don't really do anything that I consider noteworthy so I always feel kind of embarrassed (why? Who the hell is judging me for not really doing anything on my weekends? Stupid brain). But this weekend, I actually did stuff. Lots of stuff! Not really noteworthy but I was super productive and so I give you:

What I Did Over the Weekend - a Review
OK, Friday was a work day so that was how I spent the bulk of the day. But I left at 2PM because I wanted to avoid terrible traffic as being in my car for long stretches of time was killing my back (which is all better I'm pleased to say). But that evening, the Monkey had two friends over and the Bat had his cousin Rosie and her boyfriend Heartburn over for dinner. It was a blast and a half. The grown ups (well, I think everyone but me) had stew and sat around and chatted, eventually going to the garage to sit and chat whilst listening to some music. I got suckered into taking Monkey and her friends to the shoe store for a 30 minute gander at shoes, but for the most part, it was just chill. Rosie is, I believe, about 22 or 23 and she works at a car parts store and knows a shit ton about cars. She, too, is from California originally, and has been in Texas for two years I believe. She and her boyfriend, Heartburn are engaged. I gave him this nickname because he recently had open heart surgery to replace or place a valve (I think he was born without one so they had to put in a pig valve). He's only 28 but man oh man. I forget about it when we hang out, but he can't lift anything or walk for long stretches yet. Still getting back to normal poor guy.

As it was the weekend, the Bat made breakfast Saturday morning (potatoes and spicy sausage to be wrapped up in tortillas). We were both up fairly early so I sat and drank coffee whilst reading CNN as he made the breakfast. I also decided to start playing Call of Duty because I want to work on my hand eye coordination and I sometimes feel like I'm missing out by not playing popular video games (cultural. zeitgeist). So, so suck at COD but will get better with practice. Even on the easy level I get killed pretty quickly. I did kill 34 zombies and last 4 rounds the other day though.

Once the girls were up, they had breakfast and lounged around, Monkey cleaning the kitchen as I cleaned the Bat's bathroom as both a thank you for breakfast and out of necessity because I seem to be the only one who cares about having a clean bathroom. The Bat had to go to one of his buildings to make an access card and so he left the girls with me while I continued to straighten up and clean a bit. There was a playoff football game and I'm not exaggerating when I say they took 90 minutes to get ready. Monkey started fussing and worrying about her dad being home in time to take them at 12PM. They didn't have to leave until 1:30PM and I think they just had to go to the school so I could have taken them. But I remember that needless anxiety as a teenager so can't really fault her.

The Bat and I were supposed to go to Rosie and Heartburn's shop that afternoon but Rosie was super sick. After calling another friend who was also sick, the Bat and I decided to go to Macy's so I could finally buy him his birthday present. His actual day was the seventh and I took him to dinner but it was like pulling teeth trying to get him an actual present. He decided he wanted a nice outfit because he'd like to dress better when not at work so I said okey dokey, let's do this and off we went. He is now the proud owner of a nice pair of trousers, a really great dark green button down, and a soft off white sweater. Oh, and a tie. Because you may as well have one.

I don't know if it was on a lark or a whim or what but we ended up going to Dreamers afterwards. What's Dreamers you ask? A 24 hour adult novelty store located about 1/4 mile from where my ex boyfriend lives. The Bat and I actually went there on our second date but hadn't been back. I wanted to find something fun to wear (ended up getting something too small) and the Bat wanted to look into other stuff, which I won't go into. But it's always fun when you go there because if you need to try stuff on or just use the bathroom, you have to get the key from the cashier (who also has to buzz you into the shop) and the key is attached to a plastic case that you see around DVDs at Barnes & Noble. The bathroom is actually pretty nice though. And Dreamers is literally next door to another 24 XXX shop, which sucks. Well, we didn't check it out this time, but we did on our second date, and they had pretty much NOTHING other than some DVDs and, I suppose, a movie room (I could be wrong, I wasn't there for that). Just kind of odd. Ye Olde Terrible Sex Shoppe next to Pretty Killer Did You Know They Have Disposable Cock Rings Sex Shoppe.

You can use your imagination as to the rest of the evening. I even did laundry. Just reread this and that sounds like I did laundry based on other activities I participated in. No, I just happened to do some laundry.

Sundays are usually pretty chill for the most part but the weather was really warm and the Bat wanted to work on his yard. I went for a run whilst he fixed his lawn mower and then we both cleaned up his garden, removing all bits of plastic and trash in preparation for tilling. I even got to use the machete to hack at the roots of tomatoes so as to remove the metal caging bits. Oh, and I got to use the drill when we took down the fence. The yard looks pretty good now with half of the garden tilled (with more tilling needed before any planting; we are considering planting winter veggies).

That afternoon we finally made it over to Rosie and Heartburn's shop where I needed to change my oil. First, Rosie showed me how to do it on her car, then she guided me as I did it all on my own for mine. Mine is really easy because the filter is pretty much right on top of the oil dealie that has the bolt/screw you have to remove. I'm weak as a guppie so I had to use a tool to get the filter off (and to get it back on because just because I can't turn it does not mean it is tight enough) but it was dead easy. I got messy, of course, but I didn't care and Rosie was sweet and told me that the first time she did it she was absolutely covered. It was fun and really rewarding and I'm so, so, so stoked that I know how to do this now. I've told pretty much everyone I know about it.

Rosie and Heartburn came back with us to the Bat Cave for pizza and beer and television in the garage. Like Friday night, the Bat and I ended up chilling alone in the garage for awhile after they'd left. At one point he said something along the lines of "oh, I'm really happy you're in my life at this point in time" or something. It's adorable the way he says things like that because it's almost like he sets a reminder on his phone telling him "time to say something sweet to her". I know he means it, as I've said, as he wouldn't lie to me or patronize me. It's just funny how obligatory it sounds. But it's also very touching that he does it because he knows I (and girls like me) really like hearing those things.

After the season premier of Being Human, we both took a shower. I was absolutely filthy from my run, the garden work, and changing my oil. There is only one working shower in the Bat Cave and it is in the Monkey's bathroom. The Bat and I haven't showered together in awhile but we did last night and it was fine and we kissed but we honestly didn't get up to anything rated beyond PG. However, the Bat likes to take a shower with extremely hot water before ending it with frigid water. I admit that we made some weird sounds when he turned the faucet to freezing but still. I only mention this because once I was out of the shower and was in the hallway, I could hear Monkey saying to her (boy?)friend "I can hear my dad and his girlfriend!" Dude, we weren't doing anything. I don't like to do anything when I know she's awake because I'm terrified of her walking in (which she's never done) and I don't like making too much noise when she's home (which is why the Bat moved his bed and why I keep meaning to jam a pillow between the headboard and the wall). It's weird for a kid to hear her dad getting it on. I respect that. I'm not about to hump in the shower at freaking 8:30PM.

And then bed. All in all I had an incredibly productive weekend of chores and setting up a work station (read: connecting my laptop to a separate monitor so I can work more comfortably in the Cave) and hanging out with decent people. Going back to work is a bitch. But I will go back to the Bat Cave afterwards and that is a reward in itself. Bonus points for having the rescheduled dance lesson with the Bat this evening.

Here's hoping my week is somehow as rad as my weekend. I'm really liking this life of mine. 

Friday, November 15, 2013

Drama & Gender Stereotypes

I was in the car with the Bat and Monkey the other day when Monkey said:
"This is why I have guy friends. No. Drama."
Said by a 14 year old girl. Who is on Drill Team. With a bunch of other girls with whom she hangs out whenever she possibly can. A girl who never mentions any boys names, even when it is just the two of us and her dad is out of earshot.

Adorable, isn't it? I didn't snort but before I could think I did say "that's what EVERY girl says." Then I felt kind of bad because, you know, I'm sure I espoused my fair share of platitudes at that age as well and being almost 33 is a lot different than being 14. It's funny being around this girl because it makes me realize how ridiculous humans are and how awesome getting older can actually be. But I have to admit, some women really are full of the drama and really enjoy it. I'm not one of them but I'm also not one who claims to get along better with men than women or despises my own gender. Women are awesome. Men are awesome. People are assholes.

And don't try and tell me that women are alone in this petty shit. Guitar Hero works with a guy who acts all pissy and passive aggressive and has done ever since GH went from working with him to working for someone else (I think it was a promotion or something). Men can be vindictive and childish and dramatic just like women. It's just that we excel at it and put more effort into it. Or so I believe. That and some men really refuse to believe anything other than the stereotypes. Asshat used to always accuse me of being passive aggressive and being a game player. This would occur when I was confused about something and he was pissed off. Never entered his head that maybe texting only wasn't the best form of communication and that no, just because I misread something (that was totally lacking in terms of tone) did not make me either an idiot or a game player. That shit infuriated me because I don't do that shit. Even certain female friends of mine forget and I'll have to call them up and say "Look, what I said in my email is what the fuck I meant. Stop looking for hidden meaning." That usually gets the job done and they stop picking apart every sentence to find what I'm really saying.

So I get it, I do. Stereotypes are perpetuated because so many people continue to prove them right. But there are exceptions to the rule and I think there are a lot more women like me out there than some would like to admit. The Bat posts ridiculous shit on Facebook about this sort of thing and I finally asked him one day if he believed all that nonsense. He said "no" and I have to believe him because he's never once challenged anything I said to get to the real meaning. He pretty much takes me at my word and doesn't borrow trouble. That and the fact that we only text when we are at work and most of our communication is done face to face has allowed us to avoid any real arguments. Well, that and the fact that we've only been together for about two months.  In return, I don't treat him as a one size fits all male personality but treat him like the man he is. If we go out I don't hover around and see who he is checking out. If a female friend kisses him or he kisses her, I don't get upset (if they were full on tongue and mouth, yeah, I'd say something, but a kiss on the cheek ain't no thang). I don't treat him like he is less intelligent than I am or that he is automatically a slob who is domestically incompetent and only knows beer! football! boobies! That isn't who he is at all. Honestly, when we watched a movie the other night, I was the one who said "when they show that girl there, is it me, or is the only thing you can think 'man she's got a nice rack'?" Yes, he did think the same thing but no, it did not bother me and I'm the one who mentioned it (seriously though, there were so many shots of her in tanktops where she had this great set of tits that it was impossible not to spend the rest of the movie hoping for some nudity and speculation on whether she'd had a push up bra on or not because in other scenes they definitely got smaller. Hey, if you are going to have them smack up in my face, I am going to look).

Kind of took a turn there, didn't I? My point is that I get really tired of the gender stereotyping and I'm glad I can, for the most part, avoid it in my current relationship (if he posts that shit on my wall, I just ignore it... unless there is a glaring grammatical error or a really good joke I can make in response). And drama? It's always going to be there because certain personalities enjoy it. I don't like it in my own life but I certainly enjoy it in different things I read online, whether blogs or gossip columns. You either engage or disengage.

But at 14? I don't think you know shit about it quite yet. 

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Dull but delighted

Right now my body is reminding me why I don't exercise; because it fucking hurts. I went for a brief run the other day and then Monkey suggested we do the ab workout from P90X. She quit pretty much immediately and I lasted 14 minutes. I can barely walk at this point, my hip flexors are so freaking sore. Adult activities didn't help the matter and driving into work today was a nightmare. A 90 minute nightmare due to my getting up late because I stayed up late with the Bat and so I got to experience the omnishambles of downtown Dallas's finest traffic this morning.

I think my pelvis wants to snap like a wishbone. I do want to continue exercising but it looks like I'll be holding my arms out whilst holding soup cans for awhile because that is about all I have in me right now. Stupid P90X.

Not much has been happening in my life, which is why I've been quiet. Work has been incredibly slow, which is not fun because there are only so many things I can look at online and my days are long and dreadful when I'm bored. I've been thinking about taking up writing again, just short stories that no one will ever see, but I need some sort of writing prompt(s) and I don't know if I really have it in me. Basically, I'm just blah these days.

Happy though. Still spending all my time at the Bat Cave and am enjoying the normal shit that happens in life. We hang out, watch movies (sometimes Monkey even deigns to watch with us), have dinner, and just hang out some more. Nothing exciting, a lot of routine, but all for a very contented life nonetheless. The Bat seems happy. Monkey is usually pretty happy for the most part (she's a teenager so, you know, there are a few moments but they are really few and far between and usually just presents itself as whining, which I'm good at myself). I'm happy.

Both the Bat and Tits had a birthday this month (both on November 7) and mine is coming up in December. I'll be in Arizona, as I think I've mentioned, and it should be fun. My mother asked me recently what I was doing for the holidays so I told her I think I'll spend Thanksgiving with the Bat and his fam if invited but that for Christmas I will be at home by myself with pizza and beer. She asked if that would offend anybody, meaning the Bat's family, and I said "who cares. I don't have to celebrate shit if I don't want to." I try to keep myself out of the whole thing every year but people always try to force me into participating. I know it comes from a good place (they don't want me to feel left out) but it is still obnoxious (I don't want to be included). Even other atheists cajole me about my stance on not celebrating Christmas in anyway. But for fuck's sake, I just don't like it.

I stumbled across something that I think I will get for anyone who tries to force me to participate this year. So leave me alone or else risk being creeped out by a disturbing gift. I'll hopefully be back sometime when I have anything of substance to write. I've just made myself realize how utterly dull my life is; but I'm too happy at the moment to really care. 

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Hello November!

Well hello there. November has arrived and the weather has slightly improved. It was about 70 yesterday and I don't remember feeling bitchy about the humidity or anything so score! Hopefully this will keep up and it will just get cooler and maybe rainy; you know, proper autumn.

October went out as it was meant to, with Halloween and all sorts of fun. We had a potluck at work and for once in my life I actually contributed something. Ladies and gentleman, I give you flesh worms:

Pretty gross, yes? The Bat went online to find a recipe because I wanted to bring something that was not a dessert. I was grossed out whilst making them and couldn't even eat it because it was so creepy. The worms are made out of pork loin wrapped in bacon. The teeth are raw spaghetti and the eyes are cloves with the ends burned.The guts are chili. I did not win the award for best dish because this dude made a meatloaf mummy but everyone agreed that mine was the grossest so I was satisfied.

Monkey had a football game and is almost at the totally over it phase when it comes to Halloween so she didn't dress up (though she did get zombified by her dear old dad the day before because the JV game featured a Drill Team number set to Thriller). The Bat wore some creepy contacts* but that was it. Me? I did shit right.

I bought a zipper face kit from one of those pop up Halloween stores and the Bat put it on me before bruising up my other eye (obscured by my hair). I looked awesome and had so much fun going to the bar with the Bat and Paul Bunyon, his 6'7 cousin. Paul didn't get dressed up at all, loser. Sucks that Halloween is a holiday that happens in one day. People spread Christmas out forfuckingever but Halloween is all over in a single night. No one at the bar was dressed up either. Granted, we went to a local sushi bar so it wasn't all that surprising. This is the same place that the Bat and I usually patronize on Wednesdays for Happy Hour** and I now know why HH matters; I dropped just shy of $100 by being all beneficent and generous with my "I'll cover it."  One entree, a couple of beers, and a few carafes of sake. Oy.

It was a fun night, so I guess the money doesn't really matter. Afterwards we returned to the Bat Cave where the Bat and Paul decided to wrestle a whole bunch. I took some video and my favorite parts are when I yell at them to be careful because Johan was on the floor and when they were both sitting on the floor, cross-legged and panting, and I kept saying "no. No more. Be good." Unfortunately, I cannot post said video because you know, I respect other peoples' privacy.  

Today is Sunday so it's going to either be a super lazy day or else a very busy housekeeping sort of day. Seeing as I just finished some brunch, I'm going for lazy (I know the picture isn't very good but I was hungry).

*I texted a picture of me and the Bat from the evening to my mother. She asked me if he had yellow eyes. "No. He has brown eyes but he was wearing creepy contacts." What the fuck? 

**Patronize? Seriously? Sorry, I was having trouble with my sentence structure and just gave up and figured I'd go with sounding pretentious. 

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

I win... because everyone is a participant

Not really killing it at being a grownup. Yesterday was a crap day at work and I knew I had to do the following afterwards:

  1. Go to the pet store
  2. Go to the people store
  3. Go home to get some pills/check mail
  4. Take the Bat to the mechanic to drop off a car
  5. Clean Johan's cage
As previously stated, I despise doing anything after work that isn't sitting around with a beer or glass of wine. Stopping home wasn't a huge deal because it is on the way but the rest of it was annoying and time consuming and I just get really tired of driving. Which is why the Bat pissed me off so bad. 

We were at the mechanic's place when he informed me that we were also going to stop at Target so that Monkey could look for tights and a tutu (I don't know, something to do with Halloween I think). I just looked at him and he laughed at me. I think my utter silence (save for when I told him to shut up, then apologized for being bitchy but I DO NOT WANT TO TALK RIGHT NOW) and death grip on the steering wheel eventually told him that I was annoyed. 

No, stopping at Target wasn't that big of a deal but please do not volunteer me for anything. EVER. Especially not when it means being in my car for longer. I'm not really sure why he thought it wouldn't be problematic. Dude drives a ton for work so he understands not wanting to drive anywhere afterwards. I guess he doesn't realize how much it irritates me because he doesn't have to drive through downtown Dallas, which is a soul suck. ----Quick aside, why are the KVIL morning traffic reporter chicks so fucking gleeful? Honestly, the one today almost giggled whilst saying "Not much has changed ... which is not good news for those traveling west on LBG highway 635!" But she and the other chick who is usually there, are just so damned happy about reporting on terrible traffic. I told Tits that I imagine them looking like the flying monkeys from the original Wizard of Oz just sitting in the studio gazing at the gridlock and omnishambles, doing the Mister Burns hands thing and laughing at us all because they got to work at 4:30 and never experience nightmare traffic. She commented that I'd put a lot of thought into it. I told her it's a long commute.----

Anyhow. After Target we all went back to the Bat Cave and the Bat and Monkey got into his car to go elsewhere while I went inside to clean the pig cage and take a shower and stomp around and pour myself the first of many glasses of wine. I stayed in the bedroom for a large part of the evening because I was not fit to be around humans and didn't want to snap at the Bat. Yes, he irritated the hell out of me, but I also knew it was something really small and petty and so I just wanted to decompress and chill out because even though I was irritated, I knew it had more to do with having a shitty day and not wanting to drive and blah blah than it did with anything terrible on his part. 

That's why I've made myself a ribbon. Yeah, it isn't that great, but then again, look what I am awarding it to myself for. Clearly I'm not putting that much effort into anything these days. 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Girl Brain Revisited

I have a bad habit of texting BFF and asking her if she is pregnant. I always have a reason such as "I totally dreamed that you were preggo again" or "hmm, she is vaguebooking... welp, must be preggo" but still, I need to cut that shit out because it isn't very flattering. I know I wouldn't like to be asked if I was pregnant all the time. And I wouldn't be all gracious like BFF is either. I'd be all "are you saying I'm fat?" and "how dare you even suggest such a thing!?" etc. etc.

That wasn't leading up to anything. I just think it's weird that I text this poor girl and randomly ask if she is pregnant from time to time.

Things are good. Nothing too exciting, which is why I've been quiet (things are not awful so no whining and things are boring so I got nothing). I'm actually happy. More to the point, the Bat makes me happy. And so, of course, I'm terribly nervous. And I said stupid stuff last night out of nowhere. The Bat isn't a love guy. He doesn't fall in love and doesn't want love. For some reason that bothered me a lot last night. I told him I wanted love so we'd have to break up. I cried (cause I'm me and I cry) because I really like the guy and am happy with him.

Remember girl brain? Yeah, she's a cunt. I think it's really a forest for the trees thing. I want to feel special. I want to be treated a certain way not because I'm his girlfriend and that is how you are supposed to treat your girlfriend but because he likes me. Well, do I feel special? Yes. Do I feel like he likes me? Yes. Am I happy? Yes. So what the fuck is my problem?

My problem is that this is a really nice guy who treats me well on a consistent basis. It's been a month and he has yet to morph into a gigantic asshole. Even my mother said she couldn't believe I met a guy who is nice to me. She didn't mean it like it sounds but I knew what she meant right away. I'm not doing all the work. I'm not starved for affection or attention. Homeboy is actively kind to me and makes me feel wanted and appreciated. So I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and since it hasn't, girl brain is looking for problems. Because this sort of happiness doesn't happen to me. Stupid girl brain.

Do I really mind if he never falls in love with me? No, actually, I don't. At first it bothered me but that was ego. Truthfully, love isn't something that I'm worried about and considering how cautious I'm being emotionally, it would be unfair of me to want more of an investment from him. "I'm not going to love you but you have to love me because I'm the girl, so there."

Sometimes I just really need to shut my brain off and enjoy life instead of letting girl brain swoop in and cause unnecessary problems. That is a new goal for me: enjoy life and ignore girl brain; she's just a trouble maker.

Also, it would be really rad if I could get all the self awareness before I say shit out loud and embarrass myself. I feel like an idiot for crying last night. I'll make that a goal as well: don't speak until you've really thought shit through. Like that will ever happen.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Evening Plans

Because I'm staying in with Bubbles tonight.

ME: "Take out, alcohol, knitting, and Netflix. I'm wild."

Bat: "Sounds like a crazy night."

ME: "I'm old and boring too."

Bat: "Guess I'm going to hit the clubs."

ME: "All up in da clubs?"

Bat: "Show off some moves."

ME: "Go for it, baby. Remember the roofies."

Bat: "I'll be sure to pack them."

ME: "In reality, I'm guessing you'll make dinner, watch TV, play with Johan, and pick Monkey up."

Bat: "Hells to the no. I'm gonna party it up yo. Perhaps Johan and I will go to the titty bar."

ME: "OK but watch out for piggy because he isn't fixed."

Bat: "Lol."

ME: "Also, no shots. Johan starts fights if he does shots."

ME: "In fact, maybe find a different wing man."

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

And at 32, I seem to have grown up... a teeny, tiny bit

Like a Lighting Fixture
I was going to stay at my place last night. I thought I'd have a girl's night in and hang out with Bubbles and, you know, make my apartment earn the rent that I pay every month. Since meeting Batman, I've hung out at his place pretty consistently and don't even remember when I last spent the night in my apartment. Hell, on Saturday I helped with chores around the Bat Cave just because I'm there so often. So I told the Bat of my plans and started to make a list of what I wanted to do with myself. I got my eyebrows waxed, put on a mud mask, cleaned the litter box, put away dishes, watched some Net Flix, started a new scarf. Lovely. Only here's the thing: I got sent home from work around 12:45 because our power went out at 11:45 and they didn't know what time it would be back on (I think a car accident caused the outage as it was more than just our building). So I ended up home at 2 PM and by 5:30 was bored and missed the Bat and Monkey. Needless to say, I still have not slept in my own bed.

When Monkey got home yesterday, before I turned up, she asked her dad where I was. He told her I wasn't coming over and her immediate reaction was to look at him and say "what did you do?" Nice to know the kid will take my side first. I guess I'm a fixture in her life.

And his. I've been with the Bat for nearly a month now (it will be a month on Friday) and we spend a lot time together and it feels 'right' for lack of a better term. I don't get annoyed with him (save for when he makes fun of me when it is early in the morning, I'm awake because his fucking alarm went off on a Saturday, and I've just slammed my knee into a table and am gimping around and am already tired and so making fun of me is just really NOT going to help things) and I miss him and Monkey when I'm home. I will say that he isn't as fun as I'd hoped. A few days, maybe a week and a half, into our relationship, I asked him if he ever wanted to break up with me, would he do it via text message and to say he was breaking up with me because he'd been eaten by bears. He refused saying that breaking up with someone was something you did in person. He did say he'd think about the "I was eaten by bears" excuse though. Maybe there is hope.

Grown Up Life
Once again, I don't know how people are grown ups. I could have come home today, done minimal chores (seeing as my apartment stays clean since I'm never there anymore), drank beer, and watched 'Orange is the New Black' on Netflix. I know I'm late to the party on that but whatev. Instead, here is what I did after my 8 hour shift. I went home and spent an hour with Bubbles. Then I got in my car and went to the pet store for hay, food, and bedding for my lord and master guinea pig, went to the grocery store for the makings of the savory tart (one of my very favorite staple foods, thanks Laundress!), and then spent a fucking hour in traffic to drive the ten stupid miles to the Bat's place. Ugh. It rained in Texas today and a tractor trailer overturned and so, you know, jacked up. When I got to the Bat Cave, I hauled in all my shit and then ran to the bathroom because I had to skip to the loo like a mother fucker. Then I sucked it up and made dinner and put it in the oven.

Doesn't sound like much, does it? It isn't, I know. But when you are me? Yeah, that's way more than I ever do with myself after a day of work. It's like when I took Monkey to the mall after work and then got sent out for beer and cigarettes when we got back. This sort of thing makes me think back to when I was a kid and you know what?
  1. This is why my mom would ask if she should get gas whilst we were out or should she get it on her way to work. She wanted to just be home but there was also the annoyance of having to do anything in the morning on her way to work.
  2. No wonder my mom said "poison" whenever we'd ask what was for dinner when she cooked after work. I don't think we asked in a nasty tone or anything but my god, ask me what I'm making or make any comments on it if I'm making it right after getting home after an hour of jacked up traffic and I kind of want to punch you in the throat. 
  3. It is not OK to ask mocking questions about one's commute/work day/mood if one has just walked in and you know damned well that they were miserable because the commute/work day/mood sucked.
  4. I was an ungrateful, unaware, whiny little shit, even if I didn't say the thoughts out loud. 
Doing shit after work, besides drinking beer and watching Netflix, is for the fucking birds. First world problems of course, and I'm happy to have them, but it is a very strange feeling to be doing these grown up things like a proper adult. I honestly cannot imagine how people do the parenting thing. Go to work, take care of the kid (regardless of age) and do anything else ever

And I thought talking about weather/wanting to hear the traffic report desperately/chatting, in earnest about gas prices was the end of it. 

Saturday, October 12, 2013

October's Beginning or Camping's Aftermath

Hello there. It is about 7:36 a.m. on Saturday and Batman is still asleep regardless of the fact that it was his alarm that went off (twice). But we also went to bed relatively early for two youngish people on a Friday night so up I am, listening to KERA and working on a scarf. Because 32-almost-33 is the new 72.

I feel better today than I have in the last week. I believe I mentioned that my body launched a full scale rebellion after the camping trip, my trapezoids or whateverazoids (AKA: muscles in my shoulders and back and forearms that had previously lain dormant) hurting like a son of bitch and making it difficult to lift my arms or pick anything up. I also pulled something in my left leg, though I'm not sure what. Not exactly a hamstring, maybe a glut muscle? That sounds like a glut rhymes with slut muscle which is funny because in my head I've hurt my glutton muscle by over indulging. But that isn't the point; no, the point is I pulled something and was limping around and then yesterday I tried to sit, cross legged, on my bed, when I twisted the fuck out of that hip and leg and ended up near tears on the floor trying to explain to Bubbles that I'd hurt myself (whilst trying to sit the fuck down) and that is why I was making those noises. She was unsympathetic. I was gimping around all day and it hurt even when I was just sitting there but whatever, I'm Wu-Tang so I powered through.

Then I got to the Bat's house and pretty much first thing, I whacked the shin of my good leg into his bed and bruised it. This morning? Whacked my left knee into a table trying to get out of his bedroom.

Oh, and did I mention the cold? Yeah, I woke up with a cold on Wednesday morning and felt so crumby I worked from home the rest of the week. I'm sure I got it from all that fresh air and swimming in a lake when it wasn't exactly warm outside and being around kids. But whatev, I'm doing way better now and I had a blast earning that cold. And I think it is on its way out, which I'm grateful for but a bit surprised by. Yes, I take a DMT to halt progression of my disease, but I always worry that when I get ill (which has happened somewhat frequently since my move to Texas) it'll linger longer than it used to because of the whole suppressed immune system thing. Whenever I read anything about the need for flu shots or protecting myself from germs or the sun in terms of MS, I read things about how I'll be out for the count for a really long time if I get sick. I guess I'm just very lucky to have relapsing remitting and to have enough of a *healthy* immune system to not fall into that category. Just as I've been grateful for this diagnosis since the day I received it (because, as I've said, it could have been traumatically, dramatically, terrifyingly worse), I am equally if not more grateful (graterful? full of graters) that I remain so healthy and functional.

What a whiner I sound like in this post. What's funny is that I find it all a bit comical. I hurt the fuck out of my hip/leg trying to sit down on my bed for crying out loud! It's like the time I hung up the phone in my mother's kitchen (back in the day phone, the kind that was mounted on the wall and had a cord) and turned and fell flat on my face for no good reason. At some point you realize that you need to go about your life thinking that the world is there to hurt you and bruise you so move more deliberately and thoughtfully stupid. Oh, and when you organize your giant black hole bag with the one pocket and you put your ibuprofen in there? Yeah, maybe take a few of those handy little pills to help with the immense pain you are feeling. It's like I've said to KC and the Sunshine Band (and many others) - I either need to wrap myself in bubble wrap or have a signed permission slip and chaperon for any and all outings. And I need to do an adult version of baby safing my apartment because clearly I don't understand the concept of my body in space and inanimate objects (seriously, you know how you find bruises on your body and you can't remember how you got them [not because you were wasted when it happened, just because you didn't register it in time?] I had one below my knee and I was musing as to how I could have gotten it when I whacked the exact same spot into Johan's cage again. And it isn't like his cage is in the way or even flush with a wall. I'm just special).

My cold seems to be on the way out. Yesterday wasn't terrible although I was very leaky and felt clammy and a bit run down. Last night I slept well and woke up with a cough but less leaking so I think I'm on the way out of illsville. I'm stoked because I miss going into the office. Don't get me wrong, working from home is a wonderful privilege and I appreciate that my boss has allowed me to utilize it so much this week. But I don't actually enjoy doing it too much. I've mentioned that before and it hasn't changed. One day a week is fine but multiple days just irritates me. I end up lonely and have to deal with Bubbles who has progressed from just laying on top of me/on top of my computer to meowing at me incessantly to meowing at me from another room causing me to think something was wrong. The first time she did that I jumped up and found her sitting on a chair in my bedroom just meowing. I guess she wanted to be petted and talked to in a different milieu. Yeah, I said milieu... lemme look it up 'right quick' to see if I used it right (isn't it usually for literary/dramatic writings when discussing setting? this isn't me looking it up... let me do that) ... according to "surroundings, especially of a social or cultural nature:" so no, used it wrong unless I speak about my bedroom in the context of a social or cultural nature. She wanted to talk and be petted in a different room. That's right English majors, less is more unless you want to sound pretentious and stupid. I sometimes sound pretentious without meaning too; I prefer to just sound stupid without it being because I'm trying too hard. Digression over.

Anyhow. So things are good. Work was irritating me but I think it's really just me and my misunderstanding of the management organization (read: didn't know that I was supposed to be keeping a different manager up to date on my work because I thought I was just supposed to let MY manager know). But I'm feeling better about things now (hope I didn't jinx myself). With that said, it's time for me to get back to it. I want to make some head way on an issue that is enormous and laborious and I have some prep work to do before smoke testing tonight (yep, working on a Saturday night).

Felt good to write here again, even if it was rambly and not very well put together. That's what I like about my silly, unpopular, stream of consciousness blog. I can just tippity tappity type away and work through how I'm feeling. So yay! And sorry to those who read this and were bored. I'll have to text with Austin in order to get a better post for you three or four readers. Have a great weekend! 

Tuesday, October 8, 2013


This weekend I went on my first ever camping trip!

Yep, camping. Batman, Monkey, a friend of Monkey's, and I got into the very packed car around 7:30 Saturday morning and headed out for Daingerfield, Texas. It wasn't very far (maybe 2.5 hours) and the girls pretty much slept the whole way. When we reached Mount Pleasant we stopped at a Walmart for supplies and then drove to the next town for beer because MP is a dry county. Nothing like sitting outside a liquor store at 9:50 a.m. waiting for it to open to make you feel classy. But beer was purchased and we hoofed it to the campsite where we were able to select a prime spot and were advised to keep the beer in the tent because we weren't even technically supposed to have it (in fairness, the signs and things said no public drinking or open containers; nothing was said about no alcohol at all. Dude told us that tent campers weren't really supposed to have it, just those with caravans and those who rented cabins). We also should have made a reservation but we were in luck as there were still spots available.

I enjoyed myself tremendously. The Bat and I set up his enormous tent, in which we placed an air mattress. The girls shared a smaller tent and a smaller air mattress, and we all split the sleeping bags so that we'd have something to lay on and under. Hammocks were hung between trees, a fire was lit in the pit, and I set out the camping chairs. Before long we were roasting hot dogs and Monkey's friend, Squirrel, and I were playing with the machete. I got some really great pics of Squirrel faux attacking Monkey with said machete but they aren't my kids so I can't post them here. Suffice it to say that Squirrel looked demonic - and both these girls are tiny fourteen year old blonds who you could probably snap in half if you wanted to.

The Bat hurt his back pretty quickly, picking up the heavy cooler and pulling a muscle or something. "There I go thinking I'm 20 again" was his comment. That was a shame but he powered through and had a good time anyway. We swam in the lake, made smores, hiked, chopped down tiny branches with the ax, sat around the fire, and just chilled. There isn't really that much to say about a camping trip unless you take a bunch of pictures you can post, unfortunately. But I will say this: being older sucks. Usually I'm perfectly fine with being my age and I think your thirties are awesome, but tell that to the muscles in my body that hurt like a mother fucker. I swam the full length of the lake one time (everyone else did it two days in a row) and I swung an ax for all that I'm worth. Now I have all sorts of aching muscles in places I've never felt before and even the balls of my hands (you know, that fleshy part between your index finger and your thumb) hurt like a son of a bitch. Last night, after Squirrel had gone home and Batman dropped Monkey at another friend's house, the Bat looked at me as we sat on the couch and said "It's 7:30. There are no kids in the house... and I don't want to do a damned thing." We just sat on the couch watching television like geriatrics, not taking advantage of the fact that Monkey was at a sleepover and we could have adult sexy times. But nothing could have been sexier to me at that time than just laying still and falling asleep. I went to bed an hour later.

I'm still tired and sore as hell today, but it is getting a bit better. The Bat said next time we went Monkey had more friends who would probably go but I don't know if I can handle more than two 14 year old girls at a time. Some of the best parts of the trip were when everyone went to the store and I hung back and when everyone left the lake but I stayed to swim a bit. How parents do that I shit I don't know because having someone constantly around and wanting things from you or just making noise gets tiresome. I really enjoyed the experience of camping but being trapped with two young girls for an extended period of time is draining (although to be fair, Squirrel was pretty great because it was her first time camping as well so she was gun ho about everything... I think Monkey just found it annoying because it was old hat to her whilst Squirrel and I were all "look! I hit the right spot with the ax" and shit).

So yay for camping and boo for being back at work. Bubbles didn't seem too mad at me when I got home but I didn't really look all over for places where she may have peed. After work I'll try and spend some quality time with her before going back to the Bat Cave... if I go back to the Bat Cave. My back is killing me and right now I just want to lay down and take a freaking nap. 

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Follow up to a texting conversation - and deep, deep shame

ME: "Catimer Purrtin. Why are we so fucking stupid? Sushi bar waiter guy came up with that. If you are not ashamed, we are no longer friends."

AUSTIN: "Awwwwwwww dammit! That's fucking perfect. Don't worry. I feel tremendous shame now."

ME: "Right? So disappointed in us."

AUSTIN: "That's pretty badass."

ME: "To our credit, we were badass with what we did."

AUSTIN: "We did. Sushi guy might just be some kind of genius. Sensai."

ME: "We were too focused on current events. It was too immediate for us to be THAT clever."

AUSTIN: "Hindsight is 20/20. Credit where credit is due. That shit is clever." 

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Brief Update

I've been spending most of my days/nights with Batman ever since we met. Seriously, we've seen each other every day but one since we met and I spend the night there all the time. It's to the point where my own apartment feels boring as hell when I'm actually there. I go home in the mornings to feed and water the animals and I go home after work for quality time with them and more food and water. But for the most part, I'm at Batman's. I brought Johan to his place yesterday because we are going to drop him off with the Bat's parents when we go camping. Oy. Yesterday was exhausting in a I-usually-don't-do-shit-after-work sort of way. My commute to work is now 36 miles. put in my 8 hours and drove 26 miles home. Chilled for a bit and then put Sir Waddles into my car with his cage (and I didn't do it the smart way, taking the cage apart, but rather the stupid ass way of "I'll just lift the mother fucker as is and shimmy down the three flights of stairs".) Drove 10 miles to the Bat Cave, schlepped my stuff and Johan's stuff into the house, and then sat down for a bit. Monkey was being dropped off just as I got there but the Bat was out doing stuff so it was just the two of us for a bit. Then I took Monkey to Macy's to get her lipstick and eyeliner because she needs it for drill team and the stuff she had was shit and if she is going to wear make up, goddamnit, she is going to know what she is doing. My mother didn't teach me and I know what a nightmare that can be so I took her to get professional advice on what red to wear because I couldn't figure out her coloring and to get her a decent eyeliner (I knew that one, deep green, so props to me). We also stopped at Walgreen's so I could get her some makeup brushes. When we got back, Bat asked if I had $20 to borrow and I was all "yeah, but you have to go to the ATM". Somehow that meant the Monkey and I going back the same way we'd just come to get money out using his ATM card and, whilst on route, being asked to stop at the gas station to get a 12 pack of beer because his buddy Phoenix was coming over.

I didn't really do ANYTHING but I was in my car a lot and just wanted to relax but had chores to do. This is why I knew I'd never make a good parent. Too much running around after a long day of work and a shitty commute to be a decent person about it.

The Bat had dinner ready for us when we got back though. So Monkey and I ate and chatted whilst he and Phoenix played video games. Bat got called out to work so he went out and I read till he got back. A few more games and then Phoenix left and the Bat and I watched most of a movie before going to bed. Very domestic, very cozy, very "we've been together for a shorter amount of time than this feels but this feels awesome".

Oh, and I had to put Johan into Bat's bedroom after a bit because one of the dogs kept barking. Bat put the dogs out that night when Luci, the barker, barked again. Awesome.

Still, it was a really fulfilling night in that it felt right and like I'm sharing a life with someone. Well, I'm sharing two lives, one with Batman and one with Monkey. Monkey is kickass by the way. And she seems to like me. She has said to me that it isn't weird that I'm always there (because I mused out loud that I thought it was) and the Bat told me he'd asked her if it bothered her, having me there all the time. She said no, that she liked it. He says it's partly to do with the fact that it means he bothers her less. Another part, I think, is that I help her with her chores. Because chores fucking suck and many hands lighten the burden and all that. The makeup was just icing on the cake but I told her exactly why I was doing it. "You are fourteen years old, you have to wear it for drill team, and one day you might want to wear it. I want you to know what you are doing so you don't look like and overly painted up tart and I know your dad doesn't give a shit and this is one of the few things I have to offer you." She thanked me and was a bit worried about the cost "don't tell your father. Do you know how much it was? No? Good. Just say you don't know, which is true, and if he asks me,I'll just tell him to mind his own business because it's my money." Did it score me bonus points? Maybe. But that wasn't my point. I'm not looking to buy this kid's love.

I think we are still going camping this weekend. We were going to drive to Kansas to pick up Other Daughter, a girl from Italy who was an exchange student of the Bat and Monkey's, but the overnight temps are going to be too low. The plan now is to go, with two of Monkey's friends, to a more local place, somewhere in Texas. It depends on the weather and the government shut down, I suppose, since a number of parks in Northern Texas have shut their gates to the public. If we go, awesome, because I've never been camping and it will be fun. If we don't, meh, I'll be fine. I'm not looking forward to leaving Bubbles alone for an entire weekend, even with extra food and water. I'm working from home today and so I'm spending time with her, but I hate leaving her so much so I'm going to have to taper off the amount of time I spend away from home. No way would the dogs at Batman's place be accepting of her.

Other than that, I've got nothing. Work is work and I still like it and still bitch about it. Life is life and ditto (though I like it a lot more than I bitch, thankfully). I got two post cards from when my mom was in England and we found out that maybe SIL's situation isn't as dire as we originally thought (I may have posted that already so my bad). All in all, things are good right now. Still waiting for the other shoe to drop and I'm being super cautious emotionally with the Bat because the last guy who was super nice in the beginning turned on me. Wish me luck. 

Friday, September 27, 2013

Date Night with New Guy and Monkey

New Guy*, Monkey, and I went to a Japanese restaurant for dinner last night. I ordered calamari and dynamite shrimp because I don't eat a lot in one sitting (I eat a lot but just throughout the day). So I sat and was minding my own business when I heard NG say "and a child's plate of the fillet mignon. Medium rare, right?" I leaned back in my chair because I was between them and wanted Monkey to be able to answer. She was silent and I looked at her. She realized I was waiting for her and she shook her head and said "no, he's talking to you."

He ordered me a child's plate. I found it hilarious. He told the server "child's plate, she eats like a bird." And no, there is no child's plate of fillet mignon but NG and Monkey go there often and know the guy so it was all good. In the end, I had the most food in front of me and took home a bunch of leftovers, which I, of course, left at his place this morning instead of bringing with me for lunch damn it.

*New Guy is now my boyfriend so I've changed his name to Batman. He's incredibly capable and can do all sorts of things (last weekend he was wiring his boat so that he can connect a radio or a phone charger or whatever he wants to it whilst out on the lake; after dinner yesterday, he had Monkey lay down on two chairs so that he could use his pliers to fix her braces). He also wears a belt with tools for his job. Batman has an awesome utility belt and he's pretty damn capable so Batman it is. 

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Bubbles isn't happy either

Bitch pissed in a laundry basket filled with clean clothes yesterday. I was upset, obviously, about my SIL so it was not the right time to fuck with me. But Putin's patronus, much like the honey badger, doesn't give a shit.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Game over

I'm not going to clean this up at all because I don't have it in me. This regards my sister in law who has been battling cancer for five years. Forgive my mother's many typos. She was writing on her iPad and she is, obviously, upset.

Not good news. Doctors planned on removing rumors from left lung.  Took her off chemo 13 days ago.  She was in hospital last Tuesday when they had to remove a liter of fluid build up. Friday was admitted again as her heart was not good.  Today they took her to OR, put camera in lung and saw the cancer has spread to lining of lung and surgery is not possible.  They left drains and catheters in and wii have to consult oncologist for more ideas.

This is the worst! Not a good outcome can be expected.

Sorry to be the bearer of this news.