Friday, November 30, 2012

Thanksgiving 2012 - This Will be a Long One

The Good
I flew to Arizona at 6 a.m. Wednesday morning before the holiday. Got up at 3:19 a.m. terrified that I'd miss my flight. Made it and it was non stop, thank goodness, and then just dived into all that is a week long vacation with my mom.

When we got to mom's house, she and my Viking's aid teased me. "There are your presents Simply! I got this one at the flee market" said my mom. "No," said Ruthie, "don't you remember? This was what you picked up at the garage sale." So I figured it was a joke because mom had made a huge deal about not giving me my presents early even if I would see her. I opened the first and found an adorable, small, purple purse. I've been looking for a smaller purse but unable to actually purchase one. Mom bought it with the same thinking I had. "Simply always carries a big brief case and you don't want to bring that in with you to happy hour." So she got me a purse that I can transfer the necessary shit to (wallet, phone) and I love it.

She also got me a Kindle Fire. I was so excited by this that I hugged her. Mine is not an affectionate family so that spontaneous hug really shows how happy I was about this. I've been toying around with the idea of an e-reader and I just couldn't bring myself to buy one. Mom thought it was because of the cost but it was really more of a feeling that I would be betraying books in their real form. I will always own certain books, I will always reread The Westing Game, and I will always buy certain books. Dog earring, underlining, and the rest of it just cannot be replaced. Mom asked a number of people about whether she should give me her iPad mini or the Kindle and most people said "keep the iPad. You have an iPhone so you already know how to use it." But Teacher, my brother who has the best insight, told mom "Simply has a weird thing about Apple products and you know she reads ALL THE FUCKING TIME" so Mom gave me the Kindle. Teacher was right. OK, I have an Apple computer, which I'm using now, and I have two iPods and I love them. But I'm not huge on the company. But I DO read all the time so Teacher made the perfect call. Funny that she had to get an opinion from someone in Abu Dhabi to know what to do but Teacher and I are only 16 months apart and we had some good times. He knows little things about me that no one else does just because of our relationship.

Viking bought me a pair of running shoes. She'd asked Mom to write me a check for my birthday but I dragged Mom to a Sports Authority and when I found a pair I liked, Mom said "do you want Viking to buy you these for your birthday?" Viking was pleased. Actually, she told me that I was welcome but I think she was happy that she was able to give me an actual present rather than a check.

The celebration didn't stop there. Mom and I drove the four hours to Laughlin, NV, to gamble, stopping at Wikiup because I love that place. It is a tiny little town and if I lived there I'd probably impale myself on a cactus. But passing through is fun. I bought crappy souvenirs and post cards before moving on. In Laughlin, I gambled Mom's money, had a top notch meal, and a spa treatment that involved a brutal deep tissue massage. The best parts were probably the trip back and forth, the four hour drive to and fro. On the way we listened to this mix tape that my family recorded off of records in the late 80's. On the way back, we listened to Michael Jackson's Number One Hits.

So I spent time with my mom and the Viking, I saw my uncle, who I haven't seen in awhile, for Thanksgiving, and got to visit with some friends. That was awesome. I maybe saw my uncle a few years ago and seeing Kara and Laura is always fun. It was also fun to see my mom and her cousin fight. All in all, not bad.

The Bad
OK, some of it was bad. I've been telling people that it was 80% awesome and 20% traumatic. It's just hard seeing Viking so frail and elderly. She's cranky and doesn't eat and has mobility issues (though she appears to be able to walk better some times and says "Oh, I can do it when I want to"). They are talking about hospice care and doctors have basically told my mom "look, she's 90 years old. There isn't a lot you can really do unless you can convince her to stop aging and start getting younger". So that was shitty.

It's also shitty to watch my mother deal with it. It's one thing when it is your grandmother, but seeing your mom deal with her own mom is rough. And Viking was never really very nice to mom to begin with. Now she's super nasty to my mother, who does everything for her. I told my mom I was glad I wasn't going to be the one to take care of her. I don't think I have it in me.

Back to Reality
Returned to work and things are as usual. Except we are getting an ice machine in the office because people want their fucking ice and all the other offices have one. I don't understand it myself but whatev. I just wonder sometimes at how much people bitch and want things. Yes, it would be nice to have a decent break room but really, we are here to work, not to wash our dishes and make iced tea and store our groceries. Every so often someone suggests that we get a dishwasher but that isn't going to keep assholes from leaving their dishes in the sink. I know, I used to work somewhere with a dishwasher and we still threw out cups and dishes at the end of the day. Also, who is going to load and unload? We already have the administrative support team cleaning out the refrigerators (two, because we need them).

That's just me being a curmudgeon. I have a massage scheduled for 3:30 and will be leaving work in about one hour and 15 minutes. Then I'm going to an impromptu happy hour. Sunday I'm going with Tits to the casino and on Monday afternoon I'm flying to New York. So I'm actually pretty happy just now. Just ticked because they had to turn the water off.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Early Bird

I woke up at 5:23 this morning, only either 23 or 8 minutes later than I'd planned. It was practice for tomorrow when I have to get up at 4 a.m. to get my shit together and get to the airport for my 6 a.m. flight.

I used to get up early - well, I still kind of do, but I mean, earlier than I had to so that I could unwind and chill and maybe get a few things done before work or school. I think when I was in high school I would actually watch the morning news. So far I've showered, gathered trash from the kitchen, living room, and bathroom*, washed my dishes, and wiped down my counters. I've also come up with a mental list that I will put into my NEW! SHINY! smart phone so that I remember to do all that needs to be done today.

I have to take Johan to the vet at 4PM to drop him off. I have to pick up a prescription at the grocery store. I have to sort my clothes and pack them for Arizona (yes, embarrassingly, I will be bringing dirty laundry... I haven't told my mom yet). I have to organize my medications to make sure I bring enough of all of them with me since I'll be gone for a week. I'm flying Southwest (squee!) so I can check my clothes and pack a smaller carry on, one that just has my work laptop, my phone, my journal, wallet, and things I want to read. I want to have everything packed and sitting either by my door or in the trunk of my car by the time I go to bed at 9.

I'm actually feeling pretty good. I have that deep seated regret, of course, that always comes with a trip like this. Nothing to do with my mother and everything to do with being in her house (or anyone's house) and not being alone. But it will be good for me. I'll be distracted. I won't be sitting around all alone pining for my prince charming** or feeling loserly while everyone else is at family gatherings.*** I'll take better care of myself just because I'll be occupied and I tend to eat better when I'm traveling for pleasure (traveling for work I just drink too much and eat whatever is on hand). And I'll even get some laundry done.

I think my mom will enjoy herself too and that is important to me even if she still isn't going to give me my birthday presents early and I'm going to be right freaking there. For some reason it kills her that I open them as soon as I get them rather than wait for my birthday. And yet she likes to recount the story of a very small Simply going downstairs one Easter morn and opening all the Easter baskets and picking and choosing what she wanted. Of course I'm going to open a present the minute I get it.

But so I'm off for a day at work featuring a few errands and an order in lunch followed by a whirlwind of errands and chores. Wish me luck!

*I did too take out my garbage the other day! I just had a few bits and pieces here and there and I try to make sure I take it out before an extended trip.

**Not that I actually have a prince charming, exactly, but you know, pining for that Hallmark romance that I sometimes yearn for when I'm deep in the rabbit hole. 

***Well, I wouldn't have been alone, alone. Tits invited me to spend the day with her family and that was plan A until the spontaneous trip to see my mother and go to the casino happened on Friday.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Super Posty

I know, right? I go from silence to posting almost non stop in no time.

I just really don't want to clean. It's gotten to the point where I'm literally considering just packing dirty clothes so that I can do my laundry at my mom's house rather than go to the laundromat before Wednesday morning. I bagged up a bunch of trash but that just means I now have two full garbage bags sitting around that need to be taken to the dumpster. I've eaten precisely one bagel with cream cheese and am seriously considering ordering in for dinner just because I cannot be bothered.

I have a feeling that my complexion is taking on the same hue as my couch seeing as I sleep there these days (yes, again) and spend most of my time away from work there.

And this all bothers me so little that it is almost meta. I know I should be doing more. I know I should be making sure that I live in a clean home with clean sheets and clothes. I know I should treat myself well and that living in a filthy home isn't good for me.

But god damn it, I have cable and internet and my job is killing me and J turned into a psycho and so what does it really matter? So what if I slowly turn into the garbage pile from Fraggle Rock (right? I have no idea why that came to me but it did). Maybe if I was dating I'd care a little more. If I were the sort to entertain I would definitely scrub the hair dye from ALL OVER the bathroom and make sure my place smelled pretty. But I live alone with a guinea pig and so I'm becoming more and more like his little ass and it really doesn't bother me.

The fact that it doesn't bother me does though. I need to find my pep or vim or vigor or whatever it is because I really don't want to die from falling over one of my obstacle courses and have an article written up in the paper about how messy my home was. And I don't want my family to have to root through a bunch of crap to sort out whether there is anything worth saving.

I'm basically saying that I need to figure shit out and find the energy to clean my home in case I die. That is seriously fucked up.

I rule at procrastination

Kara has been updating her blog and I am doing everything to keep from cleaning my filthy apartment (empty soda cans, used needles, a pizza box from god knows when, various dishes, chip pieces on the carpet, clothing everywhere, weird assortment of large, empty boxes). So I ripped this off from her and am doing it here.


"This is from some blogger Crappy Day Present thing, and while I'm not participating in that, I actually like the prompts enough to fill them out. So, read and learn people, read and learn about how fabulous I am." - That's from Kara.

What is your dream job?
That person who works for a literary agent who's sole job is to read manuscripts and see if they're good or pieces of crap. I want to be paid to read. <-- also from Kara but it is my dream job as well.

If you had 1,000,000 dollars to give away, how would you do it?
NPR, Planned Parenthood, animal shelters, local school systems, and school systems back in DE. Oh, and I'd just randomly give strangers envelopes with $1,000 in them cause that would be awesome.

Under what circumstances would you adopt a child?
Kids are not my thing. If I ever had one, I would adopt a child in the US (which I understand is really hard if you aren't a celebrity). I guess maybe if my country came to me and said that it was really needed, because of Sandy or whatever, then I'd do it.

Why were you given your name?

My mom and Dad were certain I'd be their third son so when Vincent was born with an innie and not an outtie, it took five days to think what to call me. My mom had been at a bridal shower or something recently and there was a cute, cross eyed flower girl who was dainty and feminine and so she named me what she did. I have always hated my name, since I was very small. I've gone by Cat for the last five years and most people just assume that my name is Catherine or Cathleen.

What was the last national park you visited?
Grand Canyon a really long time ago?

What was the first thing you learned to cook?
Scrambled eggs - ditto I think

What book can you read over and over again?
The Westing Game. I've read it about six times since the sixth grade.

What makes you feel young?
When I look in the mirror and I am not wearing my glasses. Sometimes I just look like I'm 16. Life also makes me feel young but not in the way you want. I usually just feel like an idiotic teenager playing at being a grown up.

Did you ever work at an on campus job? What was it?
I worked in the mail room and in the computer lab. I always wanted to work in a mail room so I got that life goal out of the way pretty early on.

If you needed someone to act as a character reference for you who would you chose?
Hunter. Not only is he my best friend but he has all sorts of things in his background that would make him seem trustworthy (20 years of military service, he's an ordained minister, been married forever to the same woman, etc)

What was the first concert you went to see?

Wu-Tang Clan opening for Rage Against the Machine in the late 90's. No joke. My brothers took me.

Who is someone from your past that you are sorry you lost track of?
Myself before high school.

If you could see 24 hours into the future what would you do with this ability?
Play the lottery.

If you had it to do over again what would you study in school?

Criminal Justice or else I'd follow through with going to graduate school and I'd work towards being a forensic psychiatrist.

What do you know how to say in a foreign language?

"where is the shoe store, what time is it, where is the library" in Spanish
"Do you want to go outside" in Lithuanian
"Sorry, I don't understand, thank you for the meal, and shut up bitch" in Icelandic
"Shit" in Greek.
What is your all time favorite joke?

No idea.

What was your first paying job?
Movie theatre. I was an usher, a snack counter girl, and a ticket booth girl.

What is the strangest food you have ever eaten?


What in your life is more important than money?
My health.

When was the first time you saw the ocean?
Before I can even remember. There are pictures of me at the beach as a little girl. I grew up in Pennsylvania and Delaware so the Atlantic was close by. Saw the Pacific in 1998 or 1999 for the first time when I went to San Francisco. Saw the Indian when I went with my mom to St. Lucia.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Where have I been?

At home and at work, crying once a day at minimum. I needed to get my water pump fixed in my car and I'd saved up so I took the car into the mechanic last Saturday. They accidentally called J rather than me. Then J called me and screamed at me and asked why I kept giving his number out since my pharmacies and now my mechanic were calling him. I tried to tell him that I didn't give his number out but he wouldn't listen and would just say "you're a horrible fucking liar." Then Verizon called me because he wanted to separate our accounts. He actually went so far as to change his number.

So that was awesome.

Later in the week, the medical director for an organization within my company sent me an utterly disrespectful, condescending, and insulting email. And I was not allowed to respond. My boss called the guy and he had my back but he correctly pointed out that since I am applying for a transfer within the company, pissing off the medical director would not be a good idea.

Oh, and J thinks I gave his number to my pharmacies? The funny thing is that I've been struggling to get my Copaxone for a week and a half. I finally got it but the idea that I would be spending my time giving his number out randomly is just so bizarre and kind of ironic seeing as I was having trouble getting my own damned medicine.

Thursday was the last day at work for a friend of mine. I'd planned on taking her for happy hour and not only did she not show up, nor did anyone else who was invited. I felt pathetic and I wonder if anyone would ever think to invite me out if I didn't organize it. I mean, Tits is great. She and I went to a casino the other week and had a blast. But these other people I've known for years and I don't know if they would ever think of me the way I think of them.

So you know, I've been having a little pity party. But! I talked with my mom last night and we arranged it and I'm flying to Arizona on Wednesday and we are going to drive to Laughlin. I'll get home on Tuesday. I think I need this. If for no other reason? I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself. I have a great life. Why am I whining?