Saturday, April 30, 2011

Up and Down and Royal

First of all, fuck you; I really loved watching footage of the royal wedding today, OK? Seriously, did you see it? My girl looked stunning and radiantly happy; Wills looked like he couldn't believe he was allowed to be this happy. It was wonderful and seeing so many people from all over so thrilled by this wedding after ages of bad news was a nice breather from real life. Like I told J, this wedding was a fairy tale. A commoner marries royalty for fuck's sake! Sure, in Britain 'middle class' evidently means million dollar party mail order businesses but the Middletons are still common folks, not aristocracy. The venue, the outlandish hats, the adorable bridesmaids (can you imagine finding out when you are 16 that when you were 3 you were part of one of the biggest events ever?), Harry with his fidgeting and fancy dress; all of it was just a hoot! In my next life, I call dibs on Kate Middleton.

Yesterday was sunny with a bit of shit other than the wedding. I attended our admin event and, after the first speaker, had a great time. The first speaker seemed to need a bit more prep time and he left us all wondering what the point of his lecture was. But the second two speakers were phenomenal and we all seemed to really enjoy ourselves. And yours truly won a decent door prize! It is a three piece table-top cork screw deal and t'is rad as hell! I've always liked the idea of this sort of thing, especially as it came with a foil cutter, but it was never something I'd actually spend money on. So well done me! What's more is that they sent us home! That is, at the beginning of the event, those attendees that work for my company received letters saying we could go home after the event rather than return to work as usual. So not only did I have fun during the day, but I got to go home at two in order to take a very nice nap!

And then I checked my work e-mail. My thought was that I could delete extraneous nonsense and take care of anything to get it out of the way. This I did; however, I also found an e-mail from my former boss, addressed to me with numerous others copied, expressing her frustration and issues with a change that is going on at work that affects us both. The fact that she addresses her e-mails to me rather than just copying me makes me feel that she holds me responsible. This frustrates me because it appears we no longer speak the same language. I'm not in charge of what is going on and I don't get the final say. The people she should address are members of our IT department and my boss; I'm just someone who fought hard for what I wanted but was thwarted. And I get incredibly frustrated and upset when this woman, who I love and fought hard for, shits on me like I'm nothing. It makes me wonder why I fought so hard or why I've been so willing to help her and her department since I left it. I have told her out right that what I wanted did not fly, that I'm on her side, etc, but it seems she's deaf to me now. And it hurts and aggravates.

And there is nothing more a famous public hospital can offer my sister in law. So things are good and bad. A friend of mine, whom I've never met, has drilled it into me that I need to live for those who can't. So I've booked a flight to San Diego to visit a woman I only know on Facebook and plan on making my life seem like it was enjoyed and worth something.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Today started out well, got better, got great, tapered back to better, and then turned to shit. Busy day all round I suppose you could say.

The admin to-do was today

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Big Ups to All the Secretaries of the World

Yesterday was 'Administrative Professionals Day' when the better offices (in this country at least), recognize the hard work and dedication of their administrative staff. This recognition is usually in the form of flowers and/or lunch on the boss. My office is very, very, super cool about this and seems to have a great respect for the administrators. It helps that I work with so many clinical people who don't know much about Microsoft Office or copy machines or how mail works. The admins in my office get some sort of gift from their managers and we all get to go for a half day of training. That doesn't sound that fun but it totally is. We go to some venue where there are vendors with stress balls and pens and the like, a continental breakfast, speakers who make you feel good, and a rad lunch. Oh, and there are door prizes and a gift bag! Have you ever sat through a speech by someone who knows what they are doing? One that is supposed to motivate you and teach you things? I'm not usually one for inspirational bullshit but I have to say, I do end up feeling pretty good after these things. It isn't about making your life better or anything, just about embracing who you are and succeeding in your work place. If you have a sick work ethic like me, you'll understand. But so yeah, my company gets an A+ for its treatment of admins.*

Not that I necessarily deserve recognition. These days I spend an increasing amount of time avoiding my boss and dicking around. Don't get me wrong; I like my boss. He is a great guy, very intelligent, super nice to me, and very supportive. But he is also just this side of a Tea Party member and likes to talk politics with me even though all I do is rile him up. He also has far too much free time on his hands so he wants to chit chat with me when I should be working. I prefer when he has a very focused task or two because it means he is busy and keeps the miscellaneous chat to a minimum during the day. As for dicking around, well, some times I just don't have that much going on and there is only so much busy work I can create for myself. I take on projects and am willing to help out but sometimes it is just a slow day. That's when I catch up on blogs and write posts. Hey, a girl has got to do something to distract herself from the praise music coming from an adjacent cubicle!

*I should note that it is my division of the overall company that won the award. The division I work for was acquired by our parent company the same year we won the award but it was my little division, not the parent company, that was being recognized. I don't think the parent company treats admins as well as my division does because they have a different idea of what admins do. So go my division of the parent company!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A (probably long-winded) Note on Yesterday's Post

So yesterday's post was relatively quiet and picture-heavy, huh? Not originally. Nope. My first draft contained a bunch of text in a stream of consciousness way and by the time I'd finished it I was disgusted with myself.

My initial feeling when I heard about Catherine Zeta-Jones being diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder (II) was "thank fucking god someone was finally diagnosed before going batshit crazy." Each picture was prefaced with a brief, snarky description of the publicized events that led up to the celebrity's diagnosis in order to illustrate my relief of finally not having the disorder associated with pure lunacy.

But then I realized what a fucking little hypocrite bitch I can be and I erased it all. Wanna know why? Because it wasn't their fault. Britney Spears did not choose to lose her shit, her children, and her autonomy. Demi Lovato did not choose to snap and punch someone. And who the fuck knows what is going on with Charlie Sheen? The point is, it isn't a choice, and that was in my initial opening paragraph as well.

Bi-polar disorder is a chemical problem in the brain that leads to drastic changes in mood. The more dramatic forms of the disorder include psychosis, which is a break from reality. Lesser forms, such as type II, comprise long periods of depression, quick changes in mood, and hypo-mania which is a far less severe form of the manic portion of the disorder. It's like having diabetes type I or Celiac's disease. It isn't anything the person has done but rather a chemical imbalance.

So why then did I decide to get angry with out of control celebrities who were diagnosed with this? After all, I had quite the wild ride myself with some very nasty consequences and embarrassing regrets before I was finally medicated and good about taking the meds. I think it is really just because I don't want people to continue to stigmatize the disorder and having celebrities go out of their minds whilst on public display does not help. But that doesn't mean it is their fault. Celebrities live their lives on a stage and people like me, who love gossip magazines, make their lives into fishbowls. So it isn't Britney Spears's fault that her breakdown happened in public; that's what happens when you are under intense scrutiny and people can make money by taking your picture.

And that is why there is so little text in my post below. The events happened and were put on display for the masses. I was fortunate enough to have only a very small population know about my own coming apart at the seams and I'm beyond grateful for that. I've also been discriminated against because of my disorder and I know how bad that can hurt. So this is my public way of calling myself out on my hypocrisy; I'm just glad I realized it before I published my original post.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Back Stabbers

Well aren't I just a paragon of productivity this morning? I got to a local coffee shop by 10:15 and planted myself at a table for four hours of diligent data comparison and correction. Thus far I have five hours of overtime this week, which will be quite nice in my paycheck. I did take a brief break to speak with my mother about my SIL. Turns out SIL's birthday is April 27, so she is still just 30 years old. Poor fucking chick. Yesterday I spoke with two of the surgeons at work and they both told me that it is a matter of months rather than years. I knew the prognosis was dire but hearing that it was most likely months took my breath away. I can't imagine this being it, this being the entirety of my life; and I don't pretend to have the first idea of what she is going through. So I found a web-site, this site in fact, and purchased a t-shirt, because that is about all I can realistically do; well, that and sign up as a member of the foundation so that I can help in future fundraisers in my state.

Sitting for that length of time at my computer made me antsy so when I got home, I cleaned the kitchen, scrubbing the floor and cleaning out the microwave. I have my IT Guy pre-1980's R&B album playing because it is what cheered me up back in February when cancer reared back into my life. I'm not weepy this time. I'm not weepy because I'm done weeping for the pain of others. When SIL is gone, she will be free of pain, hope, desperation, and all those other terrible human emotions. Her husband, my brother, her father, mother, brother, all of us, will acquire those feelings from her and carry them in our hearts forever. And we would all be so happy to feel that pain for years and years if it meant she could have more time. And now I'm crying, now that I've said I was done with weeping, I'm crying. Because she's gone through so much for nothing. I don't really even know her. She's just like my brother, a stranger to me. But I love her just the same, even though I didn't like her for so long. We were teenagers, we were stupid and different and everything mattered so much. And now that I've mellowed and my brother has apparently mellowed, I'll never really get to know her.

But that isn't what matters because I don't matter in this situation, she does. She and my brother, who is going to lose everything if he loses her. That's why I bought the t-shirt and signed up to join the foundation, because if I can do anything to help other families, other individuals, I would like to. It's the same reason I'm on the bone marrow registry and why I donate blood and time. Because it is just too much for these people to deal with and I'd like to do what I can to stop it.

Friday, April 22, 2011

E-mail from my mother

Just got a text.

Chemo didn't work.

Tumors are bigger.

My sister in law turned 31 this month. She had part of a leg amputated, underwent chemo, and lost all of her hair (including eyelashes) for this?

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Calling a Spade a Spade

Revolutionary Casual Fare
Things have gotten really out of hand with my weight so I've finally buckled down and made the appropriate changes (we'll see how long this lasts). The other day, whilst heating up my Lean Cuisine club sandwich/panini on LC's revolutionary warming tray, I noticed that the box bills this fare as "casual eating." WTF? When has Lean Cuisine been anything but casual? Is there a formal line of microwavable meals that I've overlooked all these years? Perhaps a 4 minute on high lobster tail? Casual Eating. For fuck's sake, anything that you are supposed to microwave, that comes individually wrapped, or is a meal for one ought to be automatically considered casual. And since when does a casual meal require a revolutionary heating tray? Get it together Lean Cuisine; the only thought consumers put into your foods is "will this taste like ass".

Blow Jobs
I don't know if it is helpful to my hope of losing weight or not but I can no longer open my mouth as wide as I used to. This has been coming on gradually over the last few months and I think it might just be permanent now. I was eating my healthy and environmentally friendly (it comes in a recycled bag!) cereal (with soy milk!) this morning and had to shovel in tiny spoonfuls because I just can't open up that wide. This doesn't bother me that much, because I can just be careful and eat more slowly; however, there is a great side effect - I think this means I get a pass on blow jobs for the rest of my life!

Have you ever given a blow job before? I know some women love giving them but not me, perhaps because I find they take too long and my jaw gets tired. Plus, the whole idea that I have to put a penis in my mouth just seems ridiculously unfair. Years ago I actually bought a book about how to give proper head to help me out because I'm rubbish at the whole affair but I still just can't stand it. I feel like the dude needs to do his part and hurry this shit along and can't we just have sex instead? Obviously, this does not make me very popular with the male sex.

I don't really even care for foreplay, truth be told. Sex is fantastic and a great way to spend your time, but foreplay? We both know what we're here for fella, none of that fancy romantic stuff. Does this mean switching teams is out of the question? Do women enjoy foreplay? I don't know if I would make a good lesbian or not because while I find the clitoris to be a wonderful treasure that delights me greatly, I'm not sure if I would be able to work it on another girl. I'd be afraid I'd be no good or that I'd cause her discomfort. But perhaps a woman would be gentle and guiding and "no, not like that, sweetheart, try this... there you go." See, this is one of the reasons J thinks I'm a closet lesbian, because I admit to thoughts like this and because I find women super attractive. But I think most people think these things and just don't admit it. How do you know if you are 100% gay or straight if you haven't really thought it through? Hell, it took me 28 years and a problem with potassium to realize that I don't care for Mexican food (can't have guacamole) and that I don't like frozen margaritas. Think things through, folks!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Early Morning Asinine E-mail Conversation with My Boss

From: Boss
To: Me
Subject: Cell phones and cancer

Do you know what the latest is this morning re cell phones and brain CA?

From: Me
To: Boss
Subject: RE: Cell phones and cancer


From: Boss
To: Me
Subject: RE: RE: Cell phones and cancer

Can you google it? I missed it on the news this morning.

From: Me
To: Boss
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Cell phones and cancer

Boss, I have work to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: Boss
To: Me
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Cell phones and cancer

This has broad-reaching impact in our company!!!!

From: Me
To:  Boss
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Cell phones and cancer

Then let our wellness people look into it.

To: Me
From: Boss
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Cell phones and cancer

Aren't you even the least bit curious?

To: Boss
From: Me
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Cell phones and cancer

Nope. I rarely use my cell phone and when I do it is almost always texting.

To: Me
From: Boss
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Cell phones and cancer

And I thought you possessed intellectual curiousity!

To: Boss
From: Me
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Cell phones and cancer

Nope. Why do you think I get so excited when you bring me Us Weekly magazines? Now go hob nob with the other people attending your conference and leave me alone so I can get some work done!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

There is something severely wrong with me

The GM of my company and I were chatting over my cubical wall about the fucked up road out front. Somehow we got on the topic of my hoping my boss's car gets fucked up since he gave me such a hard time about e-mailing and trying to find out who to notify if there was an issue (this was resolved in my favor by the way). The conversation then devolved as seen below:

GM: "Is he (my boss) leasing his car again?"

ME: "Uh, I think so. Do you think he would ever not lease?"

GM: "Once you start it's hard to stop."

ME: <giggles> "...that's what they say about murder; the first time is really hard but then it gets easier and you just do it all the time." 

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Days Like Today, I Could Kill Him

Dear Concerned Worker - Go Fuck Yourself

As yesterday's post shows, I contacted a city worker regarding the construction going on outside my office, or rather the shitty dirt road they've given us to drive on in order to actually get to the office. Said city worker wrote back with some canned text and then directed me to contacted the contractor directly. And so I did. Here is the e-mail I sent to the contractor:

"To who it may concern:

I contacted NAMELESS BUREAUCRAT of the City of WHERE I WORK this morning with a question regarding the road work on ROAD. I work in an office located at XXX ROAD where construction is being done. People in my office are very concerned about possible damage to their vehicles because of the temporary 'road' that has been constructed. I asked NAMELESS BUREAUCRAT who invoices should be sent to regarding damage to cars should any damage occur whilst traveling this road. He directed me to contact the contractor directly and I found this e-mail on your web-site.

Thank you in advance for any help and direction you can provide me.



I was pleased to see that I did get a response and from someone in the contractor's company. In fact, the person who responded has the same last name as the name of the contractor company itself. I'll call this person John Contractor. Here is his response.


I can certainly appreciate your (and the people in your office’s) concern regarding the road work at ROAD and the Temporary Roadway that those who work in your office will have to travel on for the next 8 weeks or so until completion.

Please pass on to your fellow workers that we will be working diligently to get the road back to the way it was (only better) as soon as physically possible.

Also please pass on to those who travel this area to use extreme caution as “work zones” can be ever changing from day to day and extra precaution should be taken each day coming to and going from work.

As far as damage to any vehicle, please pass on to those who will be traveling this area:

-This is a “temporary road” and as such cannot be traveled in the same manner that the old road would have been.

-Entrances to and from parking lots will not be as smooth as they were originally.

-By using caution when entering, traveling in, and exiting this “temporary road”, there should be no damage to vehicles coming to and going from the workplace.

We understand that this will be some inconvenience for the duration of this project, but please keep in mind that we are only building the project as designed and the workers are doing their best to accommodate the public while doing their job.

Please ask your fellow workers to be considerate of those who are just doing their job and to drive through all work zones safely.


John Contractor"

Basically, "go fuck yourself. If you damage your cars we'll just say you were driving recklessly." Sadly for John Contractor and the various people he had copied to this reply, I am something of a pest and am not easily deterred. So I sat down at my computer and I worked out my very careful response, as seen below. 

" John,

Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, I feel the main import of my question was overlooked. Have you, by any chance, seen this 'temporary road' as we all keep calling it? It is a dirt path filled with deep rivets, a few potholes, and some exposed manhole covers. Everyone is traveling with great caution; that being said, no amount of caution will protect a car when driving on a dirt road that sees a heavy volume, especially with the added condition of rain.

Before I pass on the very helpful information that you provided me with, I would like to be able to let my fellow coworkers know the answer to my question: where shall we direct invoices for any damage to our cars? I appreciate that construction conditions are different than regular conditions - we all do. However, regardless of that fact that all those working in this office pay WHERE I WORK City taxes, none of us were consulted about this project so we should not be held liable for any damage to our vehicles. I'm certain you understand my concern.

In sum, if you can let me know the answer to that one question, I would greatly appreciate it and will then forward all of your information to the other 100+ people in the office. Again, what you have given me has been very helpful indeed; I just think this one bit of information was neglected.

Thank you again for your timely response.



Obviously, this is a very nice way of saying "what the fuck, kid? That didn't answer my question at all. You just treated me like I'm some fucking moron and said that any issues would be my fault (or the fault of my coworkers who are most likely holding contests to see who can be the fastest on the fucked up road.) Maybe I'll get a response. My guess is that it will be a very polite version of "unless you can prove that the damage was not your fault and 100% the fault of the 'road', you are out of luck stupid ass."

Monday, April 11, 2011

son of a bitch

They are doing construction on the road outside of my office park. A temporary 'road' has been built for local traffic and it is simply a dirt cow path. The heavy traffic and pouring rain of this morning did not improve things.

Why I Am Late to Work on Monday (yet again)

Very rarely there are statistics about word searches that drive people to this goofy blog. I am delighted to report that this morning I found the following keyword search terms: fuck and unisex jumpsuits.

Really? People really google the word 'fuck'? I would never think to google a single word like that, although yesterday I did search 'veruca salt' because J and I couldn't remember what happened to her (we were able to recall what happened to Violet, Augustus, and Mike, just not Veruca) but that isn't the same thing, is it? I can google 'veruca salt' at work; I don't think I'd feel comfortable googling 'fuck' at work just in case my boss randomly decided to have IT pull my internet log. It would be like finding that I'd googled 'murder' or 'erotica' or something. Not because 'fuck' is intrinsically wrong but because of the nature of the internet. You can look up the term 'macromastia' in an effort to research a medical condition only to be met by images of naked breasted women (this actually happens occasionally at work because of the nature of what one of our departments does). Looking up 'fuck' would most likely bring an image or 700 or porn sites.

And 'unisex jumpsuits'? I just cannot imagine why someone would google this but I'd love to know so if anyone has any thoughts, please let me know. I'm all for the unisex jumpsuit, as I stated in a previous post. I'm all for anything that would simplify my wardrobe responsibilities as they apply to the work place. In fact, the only thing I have against France's ban on full face veils and burqas is that these items are attractive on truly all over ugly days (I'm not going to go into a tangent about what I really think of the ban because this is supposed to be a light and fun post). Seriously. My girlfriend in Oregon recently converted to Islam and jokingly said she'd send me some of her old hijabs. I really liked this idea because then I could just bypass bad hair days. J was totally against the idea but the head scarves haven't rolled in so it is a non-issue.

Fuck. I'm going to be late for work because of this post. Now, if I had a unisex jumpsuit uniform at work and a hijab, getting dressed/ready would be much quicker.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

In an attempt to make up for the previous post

Do you ever do goofy "I should" shit? I am presently re-reading Candide because I feel like I need to academic myself up a bit and make my student loan debt somewhat worthwhile. I remembered very little from my first reading - point of fact, I only remembered that there was a character missing a buttock. So I picked up a copy at a used bookstore and have been dedicating a portion of my free time to reading it thoroughly to include the end notes. This is, quite obviously, a very good book. I'm enjoying it immensely although I am more than certain that I am missing out on a lot of stuff that truly smart individuals get immediately.

I feel like I should read more philosophy in order to get a decent understanding of the various theories on the human condition. I feel like I should give more of my time to historical works so that I'll know about important things like "a car in every garage and a chicken in every pot" (I vaguely recall from 8th grade Civics that a president had that as a slogan or something) and various important battles/wars and social changes. Hell, I should pay more attention to health care reform and the battles being waged between the democrats and republicans regarding budgetary funding.

These are things I think I should do, which means I do some of them, a little bit, every now and again. It's just that, well, have you seen the British programs Top Gear and James May's Road Trip? Have you seen Zombie Land, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and The Devil Wears Prada? Have you seen any detective series based in the 1930's - 1950's? These are all really great things to watch and so much more enjoyable than figuring out where to start educating one's self on history, politics, philosophy, social reform, governmental matters, etc.

Is it me? Am I just, like, the laziest mother fucker on the planet or are we all like this? Is it a lazy American thing? Who knows. All I know is that sometimes you can actually enjoy things that are self-imposed shoulds while others will always be utter crap.

So there. Back to my usual self.

Get the fuck over it

This is probably going to be very boring so if you feel like reading, maybe smoke a joint or take a few shots first.

Nothing is happening. OK, well, nothing really happens ever anyway. Usually I just draw bad pictures about frustrations regarding work or else I write lengthy, whining, moaning posts about how my family makes me sad or something. So to say that nothing is happening isn't news.

I'm just feeling it more now. I think I tend to feel the boredom of my life more acutely once the weather turns into bright sunshine and warm breezes. J and I were talking the other day about how we mustn't be normal because neither one of us has made friends in adulthood (to be fair, I did make one really good friend when we first moved to Columbus but she fucking moved back to Florida so I only see her once a year at most... OK, no I saw her twice last year but now she has a baby so I won't see her often... you get the point). J thinks that 'normal' people understand how to comport themselves in social situations. I think I know how to do that. I have loads of friends at work but I just don't know how to transition these people to friends outside the work place. And now that I think about it, I am very rarely invited to lunch. I could invite people every day of the week and they would go with me but no one thinks to invite me. In order to not develop a complex, I think I'll have to stop inviting (though I did invite my old boss to lunch for this coming Wednesday but that was because we were talking after hours last week and she said "we should have lunch one day next week!")

Still. I don't have friends so my free time is filled with sitting in the apartment reading books/magazines/things on the internet and watching television/dvds. Or else I go to the gym. Or maybe I go to lunch or dinner with J. The absolute most exciting thing that happened this past week was that J went to his conference in St. Louis and so I got to sit around the apartment alone during my free time.

I think that what I'm saying is that in spite of all the wonderful things I have in my life, I am desperately lonely and, thus, incredibly sad.

Boo hoo. We'll all probably fucking die from radiation poisoning because a massive earthquake all but destroyed Japan with a tsunami. What the fuck am I on about?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Foulest of Moods, Dumbest of Reasons

I am in the foulest of moods. If eyes really could shoot daggers no one in the office would be safe from me. And as the title of this post suggests, it is for such a dumb reason, mainly my own stupidity.

Tuesday has become the day that I clean out the guinea pig cage, an onerous chore that requires lifting and scrubbing, and a trip to the dumpster where I once saw rats. Sunday used to be guinea pig cage day but things got pushed back because I went to South Carolina and didn’t return until Monday and J really didn’t want to take care of it. A year later there was an ice storm on Monday so I couldn’t really get out of the apartment to get to the dumpster without being attacked by atmosphere. So now it is Tuesday. This, in itself, is not a terrible thing. No matter what day I do it, cleaning this little rodent’s home will not be enjoyable and not having it to do on Monday is a nice break what with the return to work after a weekend filled with sloth. But now I use my lunch break to go to the gym so I don’t really get a break during the day and having to go to the store to pick up bedding after work (because I’m too stupid to pick it up on the weekend or last night when I was in the fucking shopping center where Pet Co is located) and then home to do chores makes Tuesday a cluster fuck of a day.

I don’t have to go to the gym on my lunch break. I could, in theory, go to the pet store for bedding and then just take lunch. I could even run home and clean the cage at lunch and thus have my evening free. But my head says ‘no’ because tomorrow I won’t get to take a lunch unless I take it late, like 3 p.m. or after because I have to take minutes at a marathon meeting and I’m not really comfortable peacing out for 90 minutes at 3 p.m. and I can’t risk going at 12 p.m. and getting back to the office and having everything ready by the start of the meeting at 1:30 p.m. So basically, because I can’t get around this whole “must go to the gym as often as possible during the work week”, I do have to go the gym at lunch today.

So, basically, I am in a really rotten mood because I am compulsive and somewhat masochistic and refuse to make things easier on myself through stupidity and stubbornness. And to make matters worse there is a chance that J’s conference might not work out after all. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this and fuck you for even thinking I should go back and read earlier posts to see if I have, but J is scheduled to present at a conference on Thursday, flying out tomorrow, returning Friday. This will be the first time I’ve had a night and complete day alone in years and I’ve been looking forward to it for months. But he is booked on Southwest, which as you may know, is canceling flights left and right because their planes keep falling apart or something. So I’ve also got my knickers in a twist because J may actually be with me tomorrow, our 4th Anniversary.

Because I am a total, selfish cunt.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Choose Your Own Adventure

In 2009, I flew to Arizona to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. A, as I'll call her, had suffered strokes earlier in the year and I hadn't seen her in awhile so, thinking this was my last chance, I flew my ass to the hot ass area known as Phoenix.

For the most part, it was fine. A is fucking awesome, so much so in fact, that I'd like to act like that is why I call her A. But really, the name my brothers and I call her starts with A. So, yeah, she's rad. My mom, brothers, dog, and I lived with her and her husband when we were little for a school year. Later in life I realized that I liked my tuna sandwiches made with just mayo and left laying around for a few hours because that is how it was when A made them. Even when my little family found our own place, A's was a great place to go. She taught me to sew, let me polish her silver (which is much funner when you are little), and just paid me the time of day.

So yeah, flying out to celebrate her birthday was rad. In fact, my whole visit was petty good until the actual day of A's birthday. That day, a friend of my mother's hit on me. HARD. It was not just petty flirting. He was talking to me very inappropriately and, in the end, rubbed an ice cube on my chest. I was so uncomfortable that, after she drove him home, I told my mom about it.

OK, that doesn't sound bad but let me put it in perspective. I was in my late 20's and I felt so bad that I told my MOM about it! My mother and I are not close. I don't tell her things about life or boys or anything. This was fucking hard.

Mom took it well. She told me she would talk to him and, eventually, she did. He didn't remember a thing. But he was ashamed of himself.