Thursday, October 23, 2014

Honesty, Evasion, Stupidity

Some time ago, I mentioned that my mother said that I picked poor choices in men because I'm a people pleaser and I admitted that she was right. Last night I realized that I'm also too forgiving, too hopeful, and give too much benefit of the doubt to people and so I end up getting angry, hurt, disappointed, or annoyed.

I'm not sure how to change either of those things, the people pleasing or the hopeful/forgiving/benefit of the doubt giving. It's basically saying I need to readjust a big part of my personality and how the fuck do you do that? I think I may just need to be less trusting and gullible. I think I mentioned how I was talking to my friends during a girls' night and they said that when you date people are so fake. Dumbass over here realized that yeah, that's true. But the thing is, I'm always my authentic self, warts and all, and so I guess I assumed other people would be as well. That is among the dumbest things I've ever said, right up there with "I figured they were interested in what I had to say" when, after my separation, I realized men looked at me differently.

I don't want to be the sort of person who just never trusts anyone ever. An ex boyfriend of mine was like that and it was frustrating as hell. But I guess I need to be wary at the beginning, when I first meet a guy, and once things are going well, just sort of keep vigilant so that I don't get fucked over. But then, what if they are fucking you over and you have no clue? The Bat had been talking to that chick for two weeks and I had no inclination whatsoever that he was dating or pursuing anybody. I found out by complete accident and was so horrified that I freaked out. I got over it, eventually, and we started being friends again and I trusted what he told me only to find out that he either lied or just withheld information that he knew I'd want to know, that he ought to have shared with me.

Because I'm an idiot. I trusted him and assumed that he really did feel bad about hurting me and that he'd be really careful not to do it again. Then again, he doesn't really owe me anything. But even if you are my friend, I expect you to be truthful with me and not evasive because "you didn't ask" or simply not responding to a text is not a get out of jail free card. It's a shady way of acting and individuals who do that sort of thing know it is shady behavior so they kind of feel a bit bad already and then they just look like shitty individuals for doing it.

But I also shouldn't expect people to be as honest as I am. I'm way too honest in some respects. There is no reason I had to tell the Bat that Bubbles had shit on the dining room table since I cleaned it up before anyone was home but for some reason, I felt I had to tell him. I remember my friend Mouse once telling me that I didn't have to be too honest with J because I would tell him about conversations we had that included him (we were not gossiping meanly behind his back or anything, just laughing at something he did that he, too, had laughed at). I also need to pull back on that honesty because it's more over sharing than anything else.

So it is a conundrum and one I really need to start working on. Because I don't want to let people hurt but I also don't want to assume they are always going to disappoint me. And, I really don't want to be that obnoxious over sharer when NO1CURR. We'll see how it goes because it'll take me awhile to figure this out.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

How to Set Up Wifi in Your New Place

Step 1
First, you want to find the shittiest provider you possibly can. If you are lucky, your apartment complex will be contracted to said shittiest provider and so that part of the work will be done for you. Of course, this will depend on your area or region but we'll have to use my experience as an example. We'll call my provider Wime Tarner, to protect the company's privacy.

Step 2
Call shitty provider to set up service and request an appointment. Get through the process and to the point where they have to verify your social security number only to be told that they cannot process your order because there is a pending one under your name, SSN, or phone number.

Step 3
Call the customer service line that the first guy gave you. Explain the situation and listen to the girl on the other end of the line kind of titter and pretty much admit that she has no idea what you are talking about. Have her transfer you to tech support (do not question this, just let her do it). Please note that whenever you talk to anyone, you will be asked for your address to see if there is service there under your name, regardless of the fact that you are trying to set up service for that address for the first time.

Step 4
Talk to the tech support guy and explain the whole situation again. Have him type in your phone number and social to have him tell you that there is a pending order under your name, SSN, or phone number and that he cannot get you hooked up. Wait patiently while he transfers you to billing.

Step 5
Once you get the billing chick on the line, proceed to once again explain your issue and have her repeat things back to you. Make sure to give her your phone number at least three times and explain to her the issue at least twice. This way, when she suddenly feels confident, she'll be able to tell you what the issue is as if she just figured it out. Then wait while she gets her manager.

Step 6
Have the billing chick make noises that clearly demonstrate that she was fucking shit up and she just figured it out. Give her your phone number again, as well as your social security number.  Go through everything one last time and then have the manager push through the order and schedule a guy to come out a week later between 3 and 4PM.

Step 7
Leave work 2 hours early the day of to make sure you are home when the guy calls you. That was smart because even though he wasn't due until 3-4, he calls you at 2:20 and says he'll be there in five minutes.

Step 8
Spend the next 90 minutes watching the guy go in and out of your apartment and make numerous calls before he puts you on with dispatch who explains that he cannot hook up your service because the lines are buried/cannot be found. When you first get the phone, stand up from the chair in which you'd been seated and damn near collapse because your leg fell asleep. Swear at the lady twice and then explain that you'd almost fallen three times because your leg was numb. Demand that the lady confirm that you can expect the people to come out the next day between 8 and 10 AM as that is what she said. Once confirmed, tell dude peace, and text someone you work with to send out a notice that you will be in late the next day.

Step 9
Next day, putter around the apartment waiting for the Wime Tarner people to show up. Make a sandwich for lunch, take care of your pets, and finish yet another book you've been reading because you don't have internet. When no one shows up by ten, take your work stuff (forgetting your lunch) and get in your car to call Wime Tarner.

Step 10
Verify for the recording lady that the phone number she has is correct. Have her then inform you that you have an appointment scheduled for the next day between 5 and 6 PM. Near tears of rage, scream "representative."

Step 11
Explain the situation to "Mike", the customer rep and ask what the fuck is going on. Pay attention to the road and not your anger when "Mike" tells you that your appointment today was canceled and no, he doesn't know why you weren't informed. Then find out that there are two appointments for the next day, only one of which you have to be there for, and that you will get $20 off since they fucked up their installation guarantee. Also find out that you will get $20 off each time they fuck up.

Step 12
Apologize to "Mike" several times and make sure he knows that your anger isn't directed at him but that this has been a very frustrating process.

Step 13
Complete your commute in angry silence, park, make a note of where you parked since it isn't your usual area, and walk, still fuming, into the building.

Step 14
Tell everyone about the fiasco and cross every finger and toe you have that you will have mother fucking internet by 7PM Thursday at the latest.

Step 15
Google bars in your area so that you have something to do tonight since you have to cancel girls' night and are tired of being in your wireless-less apartment.

Step 16
Write a blog post about it in hopes of having it calm you down.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Moving on Up

Well, not entirely. The area I've moved to is half seedy and half trying to be nice suburban. There are shopping centers with large, clean grocery stores but also pawn shops and, oddly, a place that purports to sell seafood and hot wings. Seriously, "Seafood and Hot Wings." I don't know why but that just strikes me as a very odd combination.

I also see/hear the police more often than I'd like. Then again, I also saw a young girl, no older than 12, riding her bicycle unaccompanied so it can't be that bad, right? And I was able to buy my gun back so I feel safe enough.

The apartment itself is perfect for me. The rooms are somewhat small but for a single girl and her pets, what more do you need? I get tons of light from the balcony, which Bubbles really enjoys, and I can do my laundry whenever I want in my own washer and dryer. The Bat commented that I'd had that for months because I lived with him but it's not the same. I've never lived on my own with my own washer and dryer. I tried it out yesterday and it took me awhile to figure out how to turn the washer on but I got it eventually. The appliances are all old but they'll do, especially since I won't be using many of them very often. I've learned that I have to wait some time before restarting the dryer if my items aren't fully dried and that my stove runs hot so I need to put it a few degrees lower than a recipe calls for. And although I have a dishwasher, I'm pretty much just using it as a drying rack (so I need to remember to get my things out of there and put them away.)

I've been there since Thursday, without access to the internet, but I've powered through by setting things up and reading. It was a goddamn nightmare trying to order wireless and I literally had to speak with six different people before the order could be put through. I'll leave work at 1:30 today so that I'll be at my place when the guy arrives because I'm not missing my damned appointment after waiting so long. I did cheat and use my phone a bit but my data plan is shitty so I tried to shy away from doing that. Mainly I just read and texted people. Oh, and hung out with Bruce and his husband on Saturday. Bruce and I even came up with this awesome blog idea, one that we will never actually do, but which would be hilarious.

The Bat's day porter got sick and couldn't help with the move so it was just the two of us and we both hurt our backs. I thought that was special. We both really felt it yesterday and even though I was dead tired, I had a ton of trouble sleeping and staying asleep. Ended up getting to the office at 6:30 this morning and can't get enough of people telling me I look tired.

Oh, I mentioned Bubbles enjoying the sunlight. She's doing way better now that she is in my place. Instead of hanging out in one spot all the time, she runs around, comes and gets me when she's hungry or just wants loves, and has been her old self, which is a relief. Today is my first day back at work so hopefully she isn't peeing on everything because of separation anxiety or anything. Johan, of course, is perfectly fine and couldn't care less as long as I keep him in hay.

As for me? I'm happy. I like my place and like it all the more every time I put things away or straighten things up. I need to start hitting thrift stores so that I can slowly begin gathering nicer items but for now, it will do. I bought a mattress pad for my bed because I got used to the Bat's temperpedic-esque mattress and didn't want to feel every spring in mine. It's lovely and super comfortable, which is great since I don't have a couch yet, just wooden dining room chairs and two decorative chairs that I don't think you are really supposed to sit on. Oh, and my patio site, of course, but then, all that light means it's really warm in the afternoons so I don't want to sit out there.

My legs are all banged up and I'm super tired today but my commute is shorter, I'm on my own, and I'm pleased with how things are coming together. And I'm due to get internet today so how could I even consider a bad mood? 


Thursday, October 9, 2014

Inarticulate

You know what I'm surprisingly bad about at times? Expressing myself appropriately or thinking things through before I say them. With regards to not expressing myself appropriately, I end up sounding like an idiot and sending email after email trying to clarify what it is I meant. One of my ex boyfriends and I used to get in huge fights because he would never talk on the phone and then he'd take something I sent in a text or email wrong and no matter how much I tried to explain, he'd just call me a liar and decide that I meant what he thought. That was awesome.

Worse is the not thinking things through. This has happened twice (at least) with the Bat and I just now did it, which is what gave me the idea for this post. Today I made a joke and it was so tasteless and ill advised given the history between me and the Bat that I should have known it would come off as hurtful. That's something that just tears me up when it happens, my hurting someone when I had no intention to.

Because I don't like to hurt people. Sure, if you hurt me and we are arguing I will make a few digs but I generally don't go for the jugular and I certainly don't try to wound when I'm just joking around. Hurting someone with malice is terrible and doing it by accident is ... I don't even know. When I do it I end up feeling ashamed, stupid, and like the person I hurt will never, ever believe that I didn't mean it. I'm a smart girl but I fuck things up on occasion because I fail to think them through. But when you are a smart and sarcastic person, I can imagine it must be difficult to believe you when you say "I didn't mean it!" after you've said something that offended the other party.

I'm also disappointed because he and I were finally getting along and were chatting back and forth and then I put my foot in it. So I broke down our relations and upset somebody.

And I hear you out there, telling me not to be upset considering how much he has hurt me in the past. But that doesn't matter. Just because you hurt me doesn't mean I have any desire to hurt you, especially if we are getting along.

I feel like an ass.

UPDATE
Callous, that's what it is. I was callous and thoughtless and just spit out a remark without thinking for a moment and my god why do I do things like that? 

UPDATE 2
Oh my god! I just realized that if the Bat and I were in opposite sides of all that has happened, I would be sitting here thinking he was getting along with me and chatting with me just waiting for the right time to throw something really mean and hurtful at me. How is it that I do things like that? It wasn't subconscious or anything, it just was a terrible error in judgment based on peoples' names. God I'm dumb 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Trading Down

So, now that I've totally burned bridges with the Bat, I can talk about something that helped me get over the whole "he told me he wasn't going to date or start things while I was in his house and then he started things while I was not only in his house but he was fucking me" thing.

Some girls do this. I'm not going to say we all do as I've never done it before, but some do. BFF and I looked up his new girlfriend's Facebook and we seriously thought it must be a joke. So here are some details about the Bat's newest sex toy.

  1. She has a really cute one year old.
  2. She is in her late twenties.
  3. She was recently let off probation and so is no longer a felon (birds of a feather).
  4. She fucking loves weed man.
  5. She has bad tattoos.
  6. She likes anything with a rose on it because that is her middle name.
  7. She spent about three years as an independent wrestler and is now a dog groomer.
  8. She likes skin tight, loudly patterned dresses when she goes out.
  9. She lives with family (she only moved to Texas in August so maybe she's just trying to get on her feet).
  10. She didn't mind that a guy was setting up a relationship with her whilst he was fucking his ex girlfriend who lived with him.
  11. She uses the term "hun".
  12. She was married in either March of this year or last year but I guess that didn't stick. I'm not holding that against her but dude, if it was this year, kind of early isn't it? But different strokes for different folks.
I honestly think this will be a good relationship for the Bat. He will either be smarter than her or on par with her intelligence and he used to get weirdly defensive at odd times with me. Sorry, I'm smart and I'm not going to dumb myself down. They both love weed. They both have sordid pasts. Neither pursued higher education (which is fine). They both have questionable morals when it comes to sexual relationships. They clearly have the same level of respect for women. Neither is very ambitious or career oriented (again, totally fine). The only troubling issue is the tattoos because the Bat does not like tattoos. But I'm sure they can smoke a bowl and he'll get over it. Oh, and she, too, is originally from California.

Now, I'm not a super model and I'm not perfect but here is what I brought:
  1. No criminal record.
  2. I have a grown up job with a 401K.
  3. No trashy tattoos.
  4. I'm smart enough to make my Facebook page private (cause if ex girlfriends can find you, potential employers can too)
  5. I may dress poorly (well, that's behind me) but you would never call my taste trashy (cause elderly/frumpy is so much better).
  6. I'm a smart girl and I have a BA which means I have ambition.
  7. I am very driven in my work.
  8. I own TWO cars (OK, that actually sucks and someone needs to buy one of these).
  9. No criminal record.
  10. I can afford to live on my own and am just gnawing at the bit to get the fuck out of here.
  11. I have standards and will not mess with a guy who is messing with another girl, I don't care if they are together, friends with benefits or what.
So I have nothing against this girl other than her not giving a shit that the Bat was fucking someone and setting shit up with her but let's face it, if you could medal in trading down, the Bat got the fucking gold.

I think these two will be happy together and that is all that matters. I don't really care what happens to the Bat although I certainly do not wish him ill in any way since he has a kid and a family that loves him. If this is what he is into, go for it. But honestly, both BFF and I have thought "is this a joke" and "this must just be a sexual relationship set up because really?"

And yes, if it had turned out that new girlfriend was super hot and accomplished, I would be feeling like shit. Who knew I'd actually come out feeling better? For one, he is a lying, hypocritical, hurtful on purpose piece of shit. For two, I'm kind of embarrassed that I spent a year with this guy given his taste.

Feeling Pretty & Learning New Rules



Dress Me Up
So far today I've been told I look beautiful, stunning, and like I just walked out of Chanel. Who knew that taking some damn time and caring about how you look would make such a difference. The Bat actually gets some kudos for this because he told me few weeks ago that I needed to get new clothes and to dress my age. "You're 33, not 63." And he was right so I can't fault him. I do dress like an old woman for work and really boring at home (almost all of my play clothes shirts are solid colors and black). So yesterday I pulled myself together, got dressed up and put on some makeup and headed to an inexpensive store where I purchased four work dresses and one badass fancy red dress for when I go on a fancy date one day. This morning I woke up 20 minutes early and put on makeup (well, also to get out of the house earlier to try and beat traffic) and spent more than 5 minutes on my appearance. When I got to work, one of my friends said "how are you at taking compliments?" I said "uhm, OK I guess." and he responded with "you look beautiful today."

Talk about an ego boost! I used to dress well and wear makeup but I guess I stopped for some reason years ago. But now, while I'm not going to go broke buying myself new clothes, I am going to make an effort if only when I'm going to be seen by other people. READ: Once I'm living in my new apartment we can go back to sweatpants or no pants if I don't plan on going anywhere.

So kudos to the Bat for lighting a fire under my ass. But fuck him for telling me I was chubby just to screw with me awhile ago. That shit still ain't cute (though it did lead to the clothing discussion). And after work I'll run to Target and grab a few cute tanktops for my off hours since it is still eleven billion degrees in Texas.I figure I'll spend more money on work clothes than play clothes for right now and just be really thoughtful with what I buy - and actually try it on.

Four A's of Dating
OK, new nickname time. I have a friend at work that I take smoke breaks with and he cracks me up (he's the one who said I looked like I'd just walked out of Chanel) and we, for some reason, bag on Gywenth Paltrow a lot (no disrespect meant by the spelling of her name; I just don't know how to spell it and I am too lazy to look). We also keep trying to find celebrities to follow because we're like that. I'll call him Liberace until he IMs me back with a preferred nickname.

So we went out for a smoke and we were talking about dating and he laid out the Four A's of Dating, something I'd never heard about. Maybe you haven't either so here you go.
  1. Available. Not only should you both be totally single, neither one of you should be hung up on a past partner (see my last post about people who really need to move on). So physically and emotionally available.
  2. Affluent. This doesn't mean wealthy but you should have similar socioeconomic backgrounds and career focus. I think that's what he said. It sort of made sense at the time.
  3. Appropriate. You should only date people you wouldn't be ashamed of meeting your friends or family. His analogy was dating some 22 year old because people would look at him like "mid life crisis much?" Makes sense.
  4. Attraction. Both parties should be physically and emotionally attracted to one another or it just won't work. 
 Makes a lot of sense when you think about it. The Bat and I were attracted to one another physically but that's about all we ever had going for us. Well, we come from similar socioeconomic backgrounds but our jobs are very different and I think we have very different career goals/ambition. And it is totally OK that we really only had the physical attraction thing going for us because we had a lot of fun together for awhile there. Plus, it's always good to learn new things about people and about how men might view me so yay for learning.

Now, when I start dating again, I have some things to keep in mind. But I won't be jumping back into the game as fast as Bruce would like (that was the name my friend picked after he said "Super Happy, With it Gay Friend") because I still need to get out of the house and get myself settled and just focus on me. 

Besides, I still have some shopping to do.
 

Monday, October 6, 2014

Build a Bridge Dude.

Bitters
You know what I don't get? I liked this page on Facebook called something like "I'm Done with Your Betrayal and Deceit" because, you know, my most current ex is a total douche bag. And I like the page for some of its memes and its purpose but god damn are these people bitter.

Yes, I was incredibly upset for a couple of days when I found out that the Bat has a new girlfriend but then I got over it. I have some remarkable friends who support and love me. I've also wanted out of this house since freaking March or April and haven't really liked the Bat that much so why the hell should it bother me? Other than being lied to and used of course. Whatever, I'm stupid but he's an asshole. Live and learn.

But this Facebook page is so bitter at times and makes it sound like the world is only filled with assholes, love is a myth, and you should probably just reup your subscription to whatever premium porn site you like. I mean, they have nicer things than that but a lot of it is just really sad. And a lot of the commenters are bitter and dejected and clearly hung up on an ex so it's really kind of sad. Part of me thinks I might want to unfollow it because dude, that isn't me at all. Sure, right now I think men are misogynists who use women willy nilly and I have no use for them and can't wait till it's just me and the animals, but eventually I'll be sitting at a bar and some good looking guy will start chatting with me and I'll end up in a loving, healthy relationship with someone who deserves me and who I deserve.

No offense but get the fuck over it. If the person hurt you that much s/he is a cunt and you are way better off without him/her. Also, get a hobby and stop bitching about it on a public Facebook page.

A Different Ex
As I mentioned some time ago, J, my ex husband, recently contacted me. Man was that emotional. He was all types of nice to me and apologized for shit like not taking any responsibility for our divorce and treating me badly when we moved to Ohio, and just all sorts of stuff. Eventually I told him to quit apologizing and that I felt bad. He said  wasn't allowed to feel bad for his feeling bad for hurting me so I told him he could go ahead and keep feeling like a dickhole and I'd make stuff up if he wanted. Since then we've just talked every day, mainly by text, and it's been fantastic. I'm even flying out in November to see him. Sure, we'll never be more than good friends, but I never stopped caring for him and he's always been one of my favorite people. He still makes me laugh just like he always did ad I like hearing about his adventures in dating. He's currently seeing a new girl and he literally told me "she thinks I'm smart and funny and I like that she thinks that" which made me giggle. He was serious but it was funny because it was such an honest thing to say.

He's also been really helpful with my current situation and has offered me some perspective or, you know, basically just said "I'm sorry this happened. No, you aren't a jerk and you don't deserve this you just have a bad history with men who treat you badly. You aren't a Cunt Magnet." That was nice to hear because I asked him what the hell it was about me that led men to put me at the bottom of their priority lists and to just be hurtful. Sounds like I just have really poor taste. Although, let's be fair, J wasn't that bad of a guy, things just didn't work out.

I really look forward to visiting him and getting to be in Ohio during the fall because Texas sucks at Autumn. Also, he and I are going to get dressed up and go to one of the yuppie restaurants in his neighborhood. There we will order the cheapest appetizer to share and drink the cheapest of wine. Because we are weird people who like going to places and whispering about how we totally don't belong there. I'll also get to introduce him to Tits and we will all go to the casino in the early evening like the Bob Evan's early bird special people that we are.

So there you have it. That's where I am. Bounced back quickly didn't I?