Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Well What Do You Know, Online May be Fine

Dating
I started talking to a guy on the dating website who originally messaged me discussing my profile. We ended up messaging back and forth and texting back and forth for the entire afternoon and into the evening. We did this for a couple of days and then I met up with him this afternoon.

Before we met up, he told me that he would be honest and if he didn't feel anything, he would let me know. I figured that was just fine and really nice of him so that I wouldn't have to sit and wait to find out how he felt.

So we met up at a Starbucks. I was nervous and the nerves were doubled because I never leave my office building so don't know where anything is or, if I go out to lunch, someone else drives. But I got there and he'd already arrived so I said hello and whatever you say at the beginning of a conversation when you meet someone in real life for the first time. We ended up talking for at least 90 minutes, sharing anecdotes and laughing a ton. My friend, Bruce, immed me as soon as I was back in the office and said that it must have went well if you were gone two hours.

Remember how I said online dating is an ego boost because guys tell you you are pretty, beautiful, etc? I told this guy that I was worried he'd be disappointed when he met me in person even though the pictures he's seen on the site are all current. Well, when I got back to the office, I texted him to let him know I didn't die on the way back and he said "I still think you are a beautiful woman." I said "thank you" and then, because I'm an awkward jackass, I texted "wait, is that like 'I think you are a beautiful woman but..."

He would like to see me again. And I would like to see him again. We are definitely going to take it slow though. We'll see.

Interesting Development
So remember how the Bat was setting up a new relationship whilst still fucking me? Did I mention that I sent the chick a message to say "just FYI, he's been fucking someone else." Then Bat told me he'd told her everything so I sent another message apologizing for the intrusion and that the Bat had informed me he'd told her everything. Well, who do you think sent me a Facebook message today? Yep. And she told me that the Bat told her everything but he didn't say that he was still having sex with me. She then said (and I'm paraphrasing because the way she wrote it is cringe worthy) "The thing is that I don't know if you are being honest. Jealous women can lie and be conniving. I don't mean to be rude but there is that." I told her I understood, especially as she didn't know me and because I couldn't prove it. We chatted a bit more going back and forth and then just wished one another well.

When I got back to the office, I emailed the Bat and told him. He said that he did tell her but that she must not have listened and he didn't care what she thought. He apparently read my post about the four A's of dating and took them to heart, which is kind of cool and I know Bruce would love to know that they are getting spread so far and wide. Oh, and I apologized to the Bat for messing things up with him and that girl but he said he didn't care because she didn't really fit in with his four A's.

Interesting turn of events these days, eh? 

Monday, October 27, 2014

Online Not So Fine

Oh the joys of online dating. I'm not really even sure why dating sites have you fill out a profile to be honest. Very few people seem to read them so instead of men between the ages of 35 and 40 contacting me, I get 58 year old dudes complimenting me on my eyes and asking if I want to chat, 47 year old medics sending me their phone numbers so we can text, and on an on. One of my particular favorites was a guy who, after we'd talked quite a bit and established that I was not interested in dating him, offered to set me up with a threesome. Seriously, that happened. Oh, and I was going to meet this guy on Sunday for coffee but I asked him on Friday to tell me a little bit about himself because you can only get so much information from a profile. He eventually got back to me Saturday evening saying "I want you..." Needless to say, I've blocked him. 

I will say this for the online thing though - it is quite the ego boost. I get all kinds of men telling me that I am beautiful and that's rad as hell. I do, however, like the guys who comment on my profile when they contact me so that I know they've read it. Otherwise I get 20 somethings or guys with kids or, as I said, really old dudes. And it will never cease to amaze me that guys think they can send a message of just "hey, sexy" and think my panties are going to drop off then and there. I guess that works with some women but really? I've had guys say things like "Hello, beautiful. I found your profile interesting and hope to get to know you better. Message me back if you are interested." That's OK because he mentions that he read my profile. So much better than just "hey gorgeous" and no content of any merit.

Some of the guys are nice and I've had a few good conversations. I've not set up any dates or anything because I want to take it nice and slow and make sure I'm really interested. But all in all, I hate online dating as much as I hate real life dating (well, maybe less so since with the online thing I'm hidden behind my computer and dude doesn't have my phone number). But what else do you do when you are 33/almost 34 and single? I don't attend church, doubt I'll meet a guy at the grocery store, and don't go out much because I don't know a great deal of people yet. 

I just figure I'll plug along and live my life and eventually meet someone. I certainly hope so. But that poor bastard is really going to have to prove to me that he's worth me because I'm done with bad relationships.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Honesty, Evasion, Stupidity

Some time ago, I mentioned that my mother said that I picked poor choices in men because I'm a people pleaser and I admitted that she was right. Last night I realized that I'm also too forgiving, too hopeful, and give too much benefit of the doubt to people and so I end up getting angry, hurt, disappointed, or annoyed.

I'm not sure how to change either of those things, the people pleasing or the hopeful/forgiving/benefit of the doubt giving. It's basically saying I need to readjust a big part of my personality and how the fuck do you do that? I think I may just need to be less trusting and gullible. I think I mentioned how I was talking to my friends during a girls' night and they said that when you date people are so fake. Dumbass over here realized that yeah, that's true. But the thing is, I'm always my authentic self, warts and all, and so I guess I assumed other people would be as well. That is among the dumbest things I've ever said, right up there with "I figured they were interested in what I had to say" when, after my separation, I realized men looked at me differently.

I don't want to be the sort of person who just never trusts anyone ever. An ex boyfriend of mine was like that and it was frustrating as hell. But I guess I need to be wary at the beginning, when I first meet a guy, and once things are going well, just sort of keep vigilant so that I don't get fucked over. But then, what if they are fucking you over and you have no clue? The Bat had been talking to that chick for two weeks and I had no inclination whatsoever that he was dating or pursuing anybody. I found out by complete accident and was so horrified that I freaked out. I got over it, eventually, and we started being friends again and I trusted what he told me only to find out that he either lied or just withheld information that he knew I'd want to know, that he ought to have shared with me.

Because I'm an idiot. I trusted him and assumed that he really did feel bad about hurting me and that he'd be really careful not to do it again. Then again, he doesn't really owe me anything. But even if you are my friend, I expect you to be truthful with me and not evasive because "you didn't ask" or simply not responding to a text is not a get out of jail free card. It's a shady way of acting and individuals who do that sort of thing know it is shady behavior so they kind of feel a bit bad already and then they just look like shitty individuals for doing it.

But I also shouldn't expect people to be as honest as I am. I'm way too honest in some respects. There is no reason I had to tell the Bat that Bubbles had shit on the dining room table since I cleaned it up before anyone was home but for some reason, I felt I had to tell him. I remember my friend Mouse once telling me that I didn't have to be too honest with J because I would tell him about conversations we had that included him (we were not gossiping meanly behind his back or anything, just laughing at something he did that he, too, had laughed at). I also need to pull back on that honesty because it's more over sharing than anything else.

So it is a conundrum and one I really need to start working on. Because I don't want to let people hurt but I also don't want to assume they are always going to disappoint me. And, I really don't want to be that obnoxious over sharer when NO1CURR. We'll see how it goes because it'll take me awhile to figure this out.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

How to Set Up Wifi in Your New Place

Step 1
First, you want to find the shittiest provider you possibly can. If you are lucky, your apartment complex will be contracted to said shittiest provider and so that part of the work will be done for you. Of course, this will depend on your area or region but we'll have to use my experience as an example. We'll call my provider Wime Tarner, to protect the company's privacy.

Step 2
Call shitty provider to set up service and request an appointment. Get through the process and to the point where they have to verify your social security number only to be told that they cannot process your order because there is a pending one under your name, SSN, or phone number.

Step 3
Call the customer service line that the first guy gave you. Explain the situation and listen to the girl on the other end of the line kind of titter and pretty much admit that she has no idea what you are talking about. Have her transfer you to tech support (do not question this, just let her do it). Please note that whenever you talk to anyone, you will be asked for your address to see if there is service there under your name, regardless of the fact that you are trying to set up service for that address for the first time.

Step 4
Talk to the tech support guy and explain the whole situation again. Have him type in your phone number and social to have him tell you that there is a pending order under your name, SSN, or phone number and that he cannot get you hooked up. Wait patiently while he transfers you to billing.

Step 5
Once you get the billing chick on the line, proceed to once again explain your issue and have her repeat things back to you. Make sure to give her your phone number at least three times and explain to her the issue at least twice. This way, when she suddenly feels confident, she'll be able to tell you what the issue is as if she just figured it out. Then wait while she gets her manager.

Step 6
Have the billing chick make noises that clearly demonstrate that she was fucking shit up and she just figured it out. Give her your phone number again, as well as your social security number.  Go through everything one last time and then have the manager push through the order and schedule a guy to come out a week later between 3 and 4PM.

Step 7
Leave work 2 hours early the day of to make sure you are home when the guy calls you. That was smart because even though he wasn't due until 3-4, he calls you at 2:20 and says he'll be there in five minutes.

Step 8
Spend the next 90 minutes watching the guy go in and out of your apartment and make numerous calls before he puts you on with dispatch who explains that he cannot hook up your service because the lines are buried/cannot be found. When you first get the phone, stand up from the chair in which you'd been seated and damn near collapse because your leg fell asleep. Swear at the lady twice and then explain that you'd almost fallen three times because your leg was numb. Demand that the lady confirm that you can expect the people to come out the next day between 8 and 10 AM as that is what she said. Once confirmed, tell dude peace, and text someone you work with to send out a notice that you will be in late the next day.

Step 9
Next day, putter around the apartment waiting for the Wime Tarner people to show up. Make a sandwich for lunch, take care of your pets, and finish yet another book you've been reading because you don't have internet. When no one shows up by ten, take your work stuff (forgetting your lunch) and get in your car to call Wime Tarner.

Step 10
Verify for the recording lady that the phone number she has is correct. Have her then inform you that you have an appointment scheduled for the next day between 5 and 6 PM. Near tears of rage, scream "representative."

Step 11
Explain the situation to "Mike", the customer rep and ask what the fuck is going on. Pay attention to the road and not your anger when "Mike" tells you that your appointment today was canceled and no, he doesn't know why you weren't informed. Then find out that there are two appointments for the next day, only one of which you have to be there for, and that you will get $20 off since they fucked up their installation guarantee. Also find out that you will get $20 off each time they fuck up.

Step 12
Apologize to "Mike" several times and make sure he knows that your anger isn't directed at him but that this has been a very frustrating process.

Step 13
Complete your commute in angry silence, park, make a note of where you parked since it isn't your usual area, and walk, still fuming, into the building.

Step 14
Tell everyone about the fiasco and cross every finger and toe you have that you will have mother fucking internet by 7PM Thursday at the latest.

Step 15
Google bars in your area so that you have something to do tonight since you have to cancel girls' night and are tired of being in your wireless-less apartment.

Step 16
Write a blog post about it in hopes of having it calm you down.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Moving on Up

Well, not entirely. The area I've moved to is half seedy and half trying to be nice suburban. There are shopping centers with large, clean grocery stores but also pawn shops and, oddly, a place that purports to sell seafood and hot wings. Seriously, "Seafood and Hot Wings." I don't know why but that just strikes me as a very odd combination.

I also see/hear the police more often than I'd like. Then again, I also saw a young girl, no older than 12, riding her bicycle unaccompanied so it can't be that bad, right? And I was able to buy my gun back so I feel safe enough.

The apartment itself is perfect for me. The rooms are somewhat small but for a single girl and her pets, what more do you need? I get tons of light from the balcony, which Bubbles really enjoys, and I can do my laundry whenever I want in my own washer and dryer. The Bat commented that I'd had that for months because I lived with him but it's not the same. I've never lived on my own with my own washer and dryer. I tried it out yesterday and it took me awhile to figure out how to turn the washer on but I got it eventually. The appliances are all old but they'll do, especially since I won't be using many of them very often. I've learned that I have to wait some time before restarting the dryer if my items aren't fully dried and that my stove runs hot so I need to put it a few degrees lower than a recipe calls for. And although I have a dishwasher, I'm pretty much just using it as a drying rack (so I need to remember to get my things out of there and put them away.)

I've been there since Thursday, without access to the internet, but I've powered through by setting things up and reading. It was a goddamn nightmare trying to order wireless and I literally had to speak with six different people before the order could be put through. I'll leave work at 1:30 today so that I'll be at my place when the guy arrives because I'm not missing my damned appointment after waiting so long. I did cheat and use my phone a bit but my data plan is shitty so I tried to shy away from doing that. Mainly I just read and texted people. Oh, and hung out with Bruce and his husband on Saturday. Bruce and I even came up with this awesome blog idea, one that we will never actually do, but which would be hilarious.

The Bat's day porter got sick and couldn't help with the move so it was just the two of us and we both hurt our backs. I thought that was special. We both really felt it yesterday and even though I was dead tired, I had a ton of trouble sleeping and staying asleep. Ended up getting to the office at 6:30 this morning and can't get enough of people telling me I look tired.

Oh, I mentioned Bubbles enjoying the sunlight. She's doing way better now that she is in my place. Instead of hanging out in one spot all the time, she runs around, comes and gets me when she's hungry or just wants loves, and has been her old self, which is a relief. Today is my first day back at work so hopefully she isn't peeing on everything because of separation anxiety or anything. Johan, of course, is perfectly fine and couldn't care less as long as I keep him in hay.

As for me? I'm happy. I like my place and like it all the more every time I put things away or straighten things up. I need to start hitting thrift stores so that I can slowly begin gathering nicer items but for now, it will do. I bought a mattress pad for my bed because I got used to the Bat's temperpedic-esque mattress and didn't want to feel every spring in mine. It's lovely and super comfortable, which is great since I don't have a couch yet, just wooden dining room chairs and two decorative chairs that I don't think you are really supposed to sit on. Oh, and my patio site, of course, but then, all that light means it's really warm in the afternoons so I don't want to sit out there.

My legs are all banged up and I'm super tired today but my commute is shorter, I'm on my own, and I'm pleased with how things are coming together. And I'm due to get internet today so how could I even consider a bad mood? 


Thursday, October 9, 2014

Inarticulate

You know what I'm surprisingly bad about at times? Expressing myself appropriately or thinking things through before I say them. With regards to not expressing myself appropriately, I end up sounding like an idiot and sending email after email trying to clarify what it is I meant. One of my ex boyfriends and I used to get in huge fights because he would never talk on the phone and then he'd take something I sent in a text or email wrong and no matter how much I tried to explain, he'd just call me a liar and decide that I meant what he thought. That was awesome.

Worse is the not thinking things through. This has happened twice (at least) with the Bat and I just now did it, which is what gave me the idea for this post. Today I made a joke and it was so tasteless and ill advised given the history between me and the Bat that I should have known it would come off as hurtful. That's something that just tears me up when it happens, my hurting someone when I had no intention to.

Because I don't like to hurt people. Sure, if you hurt me and we are arguing I will make a few digs but I generally don't go for the jugular and I certainly don't try to wound when I'm just joking around. Hurting someone with malice is terrible and doing it by accident is ... I don't even know. When I do it I end up feeling ashamed, stupid, and like the person I hurt will never, ever believe that I didn't mean it. I'm a smart girl but I fuck things up on occasion because I fail to think them through. But when you are a smart and sarcastic person, I can imagine it must be difficult to believe you when you say "I didn't mean it!" after you've said something that offended the other party.

I'm also disappointed because he and I were finally getting along and were chatting back and forth and then I put my foot in it. So I broke down our relations and upset somebody.

And I hear you out there, telling me not to be upset considering how much he has hurt me in the past. But that doesn't matter. Just because you hurt me doesn't mean I have any desire to hurt you, especially if we are getting along.

I feel like an ass.

UPDATE
Callous, that's what it is. I was callous and thoughtless and just spit out a remark without thinking for a moment and my god why do I do things like that? 

UPDATE 2
Oh my god! I just realized that if the Bat and I were in opposite sides of all that has happened, I would be sitting here thinking he was getting along with me and chatting with me just waiting for the right time to throw something really mean and hurtful at me. How is it that I do things like that? It wasn't subconscious or anything, it just was a terrible error in judgment based on peoples' names. God I'm dumb 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Trading Down

So, now that I've totally burned bridges with the Bat, I can talk about something that helped me get over the whole "he told me he wasn't going to date or start things while I was in his house and then he started things while I was not only in his house but he was fucking me" thing.

Some girls do this. I'm not going to say we all do as I've never done it before, but some do. BFF and I looked up his new girlfriend's Facebook and we seriously thought it must be a joke. So here are some details about the Bat's newest sex toy.

  1. She has a really cute one year old.
  2. She is in her late twenties.
  3. She was recently let off probation and so is no longer a felon (birds of a feather).
  4. She fucking loves weed man.
  5. She has bad tattoos.
  6. She likes anything with a rose on it because that is her middle name.
  7. She spent about three years as an independent wrestler and is now a dog groomer.
  8. She likes skin tight, loudly patterned dresses when she goes out.
  9. She lives with family (she only moved to Texas in August so maybe she's just trying to get on her feet).
  10. She didn't mind that a guy was setting up a relationship with her whilst he was fucking his ex girlfriend who lived with him.
  11. She uses the term "hun".
  12. She was married in either March of this year or last year but I guess that didn't stick. I'm not holding that against her but dude, if it was this year, kind of early isn't it? But different strokes for different folks.
I honestly think this will be a good relationship for the Bat. He will either be smarter than her or on par with her intelligence and he used to get weirdly defensive at odd times with me. Sorry, I'm smart and I'm not going to dumb myself down. They both love weed. They both have sordid pasts. Neither pursued higher education (which is fine). They both have questionable morals when it comes to sexual relationships. They clearly have the same level of respect for women. Neither is very ambitious or career oriented (again, totally fine). The only troubling issue is the tattoos because the Bat does not like tattoos. But I'm sure they can smoke a bowl and he'll get over it. Oh, and she, too, is originally from California.

Now, I'm not a super model and I'm not perfect but here is what I brought:
  1. No criminal record.
  2. I have a grown up job with a 401K.
  3. No trashy tattoos.
  4. I'm smart enough to make my Facebook page private (cause if ex girlfriends can find you, potential employers can too)
  5. I may dress poorly (well, that's behind me) but you would never call my taste trashy (cause elderly/frumpy is so much better).
  6. I'm a smart girl and I have a BA which means I have ambition.
  7. I am very driven in my work.
  8. I own TWO cars (OK, that actually sucks and someone needs to buy one of these).
  9. No criminal record.
  10. I can afford to live on my own and am just gnawing at the bit to get the fuck out of here.
  11. I have standards and will not mess with a guy who is messing with another girl, I don't care if they are together, friends with benefits or what.
So I have nothing against this girl other than her not giving a shit that the Bat was fucking someone and setting shit up with her but let's face it, if you could medal in trading down, the Bat got the fucking gold.

I think these two will be happy together and that is all that matters. I don't really care what happens to the Bat although I certainly do not wish him ill in any way since he has a kid and a family that loves him. If this is what he is into, go for it. But honestly, both BFF and I have thought "is this a joke" and "this must just be a sexual relationship set up because really?"

And yes, if it had turned out that new girlfriend was super hot and accomplished, I would be feeling like shit. Who knew I'd actually come out feeling better? For one, he is a lying, hypocritical, hurtful on purpose piece of shit. For two, I'm kind of embarrassed that I spent a year with this guy given his taste.