My friend Tits routinely tells me that she and I are going to go to Hell. She says it like it’s a terrible thing but I always remind her that we are going to push Charon off the boat and be the cruise directors of the River Styxx because we are hilarious and awesome and have hearts made out of ice that will keep us cool. This usually comes up because she and I are making fun of something that is really inappropriate and which would cause other people to legitimately eyeball us with displeasure.
Remember this? I thought it was awesome when Tupac said she had to get an HIV test too.
One of the treatment options for MS is Copaxone, which I take and which is made by a company called Shared Solutions. At least, I think they make it. They are the ones who supply me with all my MS swag so I kind of just assume they make it. I routinely receive invitations from Shared Solutions to go to educational events being held in my area. You know, come join us at the Plano Marriott on August 19th for “Living and Loving with MS”. Speakers Janet Brown, PhD and Ralph Macchio, MD, will be featured and dinner will be included. That sort of thing. Welp, when I still lived in Ohio, I registered for an event twice, and Tits was my plus one. We didn’t end up attending on either occasion due to bad weather and I felt bad so I never registered again.
Why did I ever register in the first place and why did I only ever even think of going twice? Well, the only reason I even considered going was because Tits told me it might be good for me and I might get something out of it. Recall that Tits is so named because she defeated breast cancer. The Komen Foundation helped her out tremendously (so now I can’t openly hate on them anymore, assholes) and she attended a few support meetings (I think… I know she went one time when she was feeling really low and it had be canceled but no one had told her and so she showed up and the joint was empty but I don’t know if she went back or not). Tits has been through some rough times and she’s a really positive person so sometimes I try to take her advice. The reason I never thought of going before is kind of horrible.
I don’t want to be around a bunch of jerks with MS.
Tits agreed to be my plus one after I told her that I was afraid I’d end up at a table with one of those really upbeat guys who can’t walk anymore so he’s in a wheelchair but it is a sporty wheelchair and he is all great attitude and this disease won’t beat me and you should join my MS-thletes club and do 5ks with us. At which point Tits put on her disabled voice and said “I tan dill dance” because she knew exactly what I meant. We then continued to make fun of people with MS before she said she’d go with me and that having a positive attitude when you have a disease isn’t a bad thing. And she’s absolutely right, it isn’t a bad thing. But for some reason, I really, really do not want to be around other people with this disease. Sure, there would probably be a bunch of people like me, ones who present no symptoms, but then there will be those who have progressive forms of the disease and I don’t want to see my potential future. Hell, I don’t want to see the people like me for christ’s sake. I think it is like how some old people don’t want to hang around with old people.
The me of old people apparently.
I also don’t really want to read about it or anything, which is super dumb for multiple reasons, one of which being that I “liked” the NMMS page on Facebook so it pops up from time to time and I just roll my eyes at the positive topics. Actually, they aren’t always that positive. I did, once, click on the blog post and it was about this woman and how she hates summer (because summer fucking sucks) and how she has to go out of her way to dress for it and step only in the shade or whatever. It’s true, heat is a bitch for peeps with MS but I thought there would be some message about “I’ve found out that x y or z really helps” beyond wearing a floppy hat and staying in the shade. So it can also be a bummer, not just inspirational. Regardless of what it is, I totally roll my eyes at it every damn time it pops up. So why don’t I just unfollow that page? I don’t know, why don’t I take care of returning that thing I ordered online that doesn’t fit? I HAVE A DISEASE! DISEASED PEOPLE GET A PASS ON LOGIC!!!
So I guess the gist of this post is that if you are upbeat about your MS, I will make fun of you. If you talk about inspirational shit about MS I will make fun of you. As a matter of fact, anything associated with MS and I will make fun of it. Because I am a jerk like that.
I blame my MS.
See you in hell folks!