Is this blog magic? I posted about my breakup with the Bat and my regrets and how I was pretty sure that was the end but he was more than willing to give me another chance. I don't think I'll ever have hundreds of millions of dollars and that makes me really sad (c'mon magic blog woo, do your thing).
It hit me when he was so willing to take me back that he does love me and I need to stop being stupid and just allow myself to feel it. I doubt what I was feeling and thinking was all that uncommon for someone who has been through a divorce and felt their hearts shatter. It's cliche but true - it is really scary to trust in things like love and happiness when you've felt the loss of love and happiness before. We fear going through the sads and the hurts so much that it seems better, safer, to keep a distance from others, even if we are in romantic relationships. If I don't let you get too close, you can't hurt me that bad.
Life is short. I'm almost 35 so I'm almost middle aged (I've decided I'm going to live until at least 80). And lately I've realized that I really like life. I don't enjoy my commute or the way my legs hurt from sitting at work all day, but I like laying on my sofa, reading my Kindle, with Bubbles laying right next to me so I can pet her. I like cleaning my apartment and feeling accomplished when it is super tidy and inviting (well, I do like that but apparently not enough time to do it on the regular). I love going to the country and, after a hard day of working, sitting around drinking beer and talking. I love that I can go to the sushi bar and most likely be greeted by a bar tender who won't even ask what I want because they already know. These are small things but small things are what make up a life and I really like mine.
To fully embrace life, however, one must take risks. As the saying goes, no risk no reward. So yes, the Bat may hurt me one day. Maybe he'll suddenly find that he is attracted to someone else or that he just doesn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. That would be awful and I certainly do not want to go through that but I don't live in the future or in a world of what-may-happen-one-day. Not anymore. I live in my life in each day and I know that on this day, the Bat loves me and looks forward to snuggling with me tonight.
I'm sure he is sick of hearing about all the feels I have about not being a millionaire one hundred times over though. It's never going to happen is it? Do your stuff blog woo, do your stuff.
I googled 'woo' and this was one of the images that came back. I just thought, well, OK then.